Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:56     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Gosh PP, that's hard. Have you thought of telling your father you hate him? Would that make you feel better? I'm sad that this seems to be festering inside you. Therapy for yourself, maybe?
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:51     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.


It is pretty unforgivable.


everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.


He was 17 and he knew what he was doing. There are many who were molested as children and they don't become molesters. Imagine the trauma to his sister. I wouldn't speak to him either and I would NEVER have allowed him to be around my children. You are wrong not everything is forgivable. You don;t have to let it ruin your life but I would never have trusted him again. You do what you want.


To clarify, my dad told me about the incident when *I* was 17. I think it happened when they were in their early 20's or thereabouts. His sister doesn't speak to him. It's her right to decide whether or not she's going to forgive him. I don't care whether she does or not.

My own brother was a bully and psychologically abusive to me when we were kids. I've forgiven him because he was a child too, and I believe he was acting out under the stress of being abused by our dad. We're good friends now.

My dad was never sexually abusive to anyone other than his sister, to my knowledge, but he treated my mom and my brothers and I HORRIBLY, was psychologically abusive, would throw things (including furniture) at us, etc. I never realized his behavior was "abuse" until years later when I became pregnant with my first child and realized I NEVER want to be that kind of parent. I'm so angry at him now, but my mom is still with him and they only travel together so in order to visit with her I have to deal with him, also. Usually I just try to tune him out and pretend he's not there. I think he has no idea how much I hate him. If he knew he'd probably kill himself. I have intense "anger dreams" about him on a pretty regular basis. I believe that I'll forgive him, SOMEDAY, but I'm not there yet and it will likely be many years from now.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:48     Subject: Re:What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members


What did your mom do?
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:47     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Religious judgement? Where? Please show me.

A poster came on and said she forgave easily. But I didn't see her telling others they had to, too.


In response to someone saying a man molesting his sister is unforgivable:
everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.


In response to someone not everyone is able to forgive everything:
well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.


Responding to the question of if she'd be able to forgive someone who raped him/her:
hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.


Religion was brought up as an explanation of why everyone in the thread- who may not be Christians or religious at all- should forgive their rapist fathers, their pedophile uncles, and their abusive parents. If you read all that and don't understand why it's judgement, refer to 20:37's post that explains how it is hurtful. If you still don't get it, let's just move on.


Ditto
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:47     Subject: Re:What is your deepest family secret?
I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:45     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:Religious judgement? Where? Please show me.

A poster came on and said she forgave easily. But I didn't see her telling others they had to, too.


In response to someone saying a man molesting his sister is unforgivable:
everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.


In response to someone not everyone is able to forgive everything:
well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.


Responding to the question of if she'd be able to forgive someone who raped him/her:
hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.


Religion was brought up as an explanation of why everyone in the thread- who may not be Christians or religious at all- should forgive their rapist fathers, their pedophile uncles, and their abusive parents. If you read all that and don't understand why it's judgement, refer to 20:37's post that explains how it is hurtful. If you still don't get it, let's just move on.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:41     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:Religious judgement? Where? Please show me.

A poster came on and said she forgave easily. But I didn't see her telling others they had to, too.


The "support" clearly doesn't extend to that poster, because she mentioned she's Christian. So it was perfectly OK for another poster to tell her, "if all that's really true" and basically trash that poster's own way of recovering.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:38     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Religious judgement? Where? Please show me.

A poster came on and said she forgave easily. But I didn't see her telling others they had to, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:37     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
20:33-I agree. When someone comes on and says you can forgive ANYTHING it almost trivializes what people have gone through and that's hurtful.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:36     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
I actually think the debate about whether it's either possible or desirable to forgive someone is an important debate to have. Also whether there's a difference between forgiving and forgetting, or stopping being angry. It's too bad that somebody saw the word "Jesus" and freaked out, because from what I can tell only one poster brought religion into it, and the said immature freakout derailed an important issue.

Myself, I don't think there can possibly be a single answer for everybody. Although by my count two posters (neither of them me) have said that forgiveness (not the same as forgetting or not being angry) helped them. I don't see anything wrong with them posting that.

I can see a serious problem if those posting about forgiveness appeared to be telling others what to do or feel, but I don't think that was the case.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:34     Subject: Re:What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:My sister is only my half-sister. She's also my cousin. My mom had an affair with my uncle (dad's brother) and he is her biological father.


Are your parents still together? Does your dad know?
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:33     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Actually, someone coming into the thread telling everyone to forgive their molester uncles, rapists, and abusers is pretty unnecessary...

Can we please go back to the secret-spilling and support, without discussions on race, forgiveness, and Jesus?


Translation: I'm a voyeur here for the secret-spilling, and I don't want to be bogged down by any "support" talk where people actually talk about what works for them.

The "shocked pea" post makes me think the trolls have arrived. Time for me to go.


Goodbye! I said the support should stay, but the religious judgement and crazy race discussions should go. (Unless there are secrets related to religion or race.)

And nope, not a voyeur. I've shared some of my own family secrets in the thread and I've offered words of support/comfort to others who have shared. I really think for most people this isn't an "OMG how juicy!!!" thread. It's strangely comforting to know that you're not alone, and that on a site where we can get so nasty with each other, you can actually connect over some of the saddest things.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:22     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.


supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.


And on a thread where grieving people are discussing their coping mechanisms, this was necessary ... why??


Actually, someone coming into the thread telling everyone to forgive their molester uncles, rapists, and abusers is pretty unnecessary...

Can we please go back to the secret-spilling and support, without discussions on race, forgiveness, and Jesus?


Translation: I'm a voyeur here for the secret-spilling, and I don't want to be bogged down by any "support" talk where people actually talk about what works for them.

The "shocked pea" post makes me think the trolls have arrived. Time for me to go.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:18     Subject: Re:What is your deepest family secret?
My sister is only my half-sister. She's also my cousin. My mom had an affair with my uncle (dad's brother) and he is her biological father.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2011 20:15     Subject: What is your deepest family secret?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.


supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.


And on a thread where grieving people are discussing their coping mechanisms, this was necessary ... why??


Actually, someone coming into the thread telling everyone to forgive their molester uncles, rapists, and abusers is pretty unnecessary...

Can we please go back to the secret-spilling and support, without discussions on race, forgiveness, and Jesus?


I like you.

And yes, lets get back to the topic at hand.