Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely agree with other posters. Va is the worst when it comes to alimony. I’m struggling just to make it to my next pay period every two weeks and my ex, which I’m paying alimony to for the next 15 years, is practically retired and having the time of their lives, working fun jobs, traveling, and not furthering themself or a career in anyway. It’s bs.

I don’t understand this. Why would your ex be getting more than half of your paycheck?

As much as I hear people complain about spousal support payments, I don’t know anyone, man or woman, where the working spouse is worse off than the SAH spouse post divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people assume every woman who under earned during marriage was contributing to his career or raising kids. There are so many women who just don't even feel like working a retail job when their husband makes enough to cover their expenses. My DH pays lifetime alimony to his ex in VA. He also had to pay the mortgage on the family house and sign over the title to her. Their youngest turned 18 over 15 years ago. They divorced when youngest was 8. IMO the longest alimony should have lasted was 10 years, and she shouldn't have gotten a free house out of the deal. He was a fed worker in his 30s. So, not a high earner. BTW she's an alcoholic who couldn't provide basic care for their 2 kids. He woke, fed, and drove them to school each day til l the divorce, yet she got full custody.

Your husband is lying to you to justify why he didn't see his kids.

Anonymous wrote:Completely agree with other posters. Va is the worst when it comes to alimony. I’m struggling just to make it to my next pay period every two weeks and my ex, which I’m paying alimony to for the next 15 years, is practically retired and having the time of their lives, working fun jobs, traveling, and not furthering themself or a career in anyway. It’s bs.

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people assume every woman who under earned during marriage was contributing to his career or raising kids. There are so many women who just don't even feel like working a retail job when their husband makes enough to cover their expenses. My DH pays lifetime alimony to his ex in VA. He also had to pay the mortgage on the family house and sign over the title to her. Their youngest turned 18 over 15 years ago. They divorced when youngest was 8. IMO the longest alimony should have lasted was 10 years, and she shouldn't have gotten a free house out of the deal. He was a fed worker in his 30s. So, not a high earner. BTW she's an alcoholic who couldn't provide basic care for their 2 kids. He woke, fed, and drove them to school each day til l the divorce, yet she got full custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely agree with other posters. Va is the worst when it comes to alimony. I’m struggling just to make it to my next pay period every two weeks and my ex, which I’m paying alimony to for the next 15 years, is practically retired and having the time of their lives, working fun jobs, traveling, and not furthering themself or a career in anyway. It’s bs.

Sorry but she did the heavy lifting at home. Maybe if you were a better husband this wouldn’t have happened?

Anonymous wrote:Completely agree with other posters. Va is the worst when it comes to alimony. I’m struggling just to make it to my next pay period every two weeks and my ex, which I’m paying alimony to for the next 15 years, is practically retired and having the time of their lives, working fun jobs, traveling, and not furthering themself or a career in anyway. It’s bs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

That doesn’t really play out in reality.

I’m not in VA but in a very alimony friendly state if you’ve been married a long time. Married 25 years so according to the guidelines I could have gotten it for life. I got the equivalent of 8 years upfront. Ours is a complicated situation and it wasn’t in cash but the equivalent of 8 years. We mediated and did not go to court so we just had to agree. The only reason I agreed is I ended up with significant assets. Enough that I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. I haven’t worked for 18 years.

Alimony is a crap shoot. It’s much better if you can work something out between the two of you vs going to court.

OP here. Attorney says that I could get indefinite but it would have to be modifiable. Or I could ask for a defined time and not have it be modifiable and he would have to petition if he needed to change it.

I am oversimplifying this but I feel like with a 20 year marriage i should ask for 20 years of support. Consulting with my attorney but any thoughts out there?

I’m sorry but nobody needs 20 years of support. Don’t be ridiculous and greedy OP. At some point you only need to support yourself which can been done within a reasonable amount of time even if you don’t have a degree. Get support until you can launch yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

That doesn’t really play out in reality.

I’m not in VA but in a very alimony friendly state if you’ve been married a long time. Married 25 years so according to the guidelines I could have gotten it for life. I got the equivalent of 8 years upfront. Ours is a complicated situation and it wasn’t in cash but the equivalent of 8 years. We mediated and did not go to court so we just had to agree. The only reason I agreed is I ended up with significant assets. Enough that I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. I haven’t worked for 18 years.

Alimony is a crap shoot. It’s much better if you can work something out between the two of you vs going to court.

OP here. Attorney says that I could get indefinite but it would have to be modifiable. Or I could ask for a defined time and not have it be modifiable and he would have to petition if he needed to change it.

I am oversimplifying this but I feel like with a 20 year marriage i should ask for 20 years of support. Consulting with my attorney but any thoughts out there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

That doesn’t really play out in reality.

I’m not in VA but in a very alimony friendly state if you’ve been married a long time. Married 25 years so according to the guidelines I could have gotten it for life. I got the equivalent of 8 years upfront. Ours is a complicated situation and it wasn’t in cash but the equivalent of 8 years. We mediated and did not go to court so we just had to agree. The only reason I agreed is I ended up with significant assets. Enough that I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. I haven’t worked for 18 years.

Alimony is a crap shoot. It’s much better if you can work something out between the two of you vs going to court.

OP here. Attorney says that I could get indefinite but it would have to be modifiable. Or I could ask for a defined time and not have it be modifiable and he would have to petition if he needed to change it.

I am oversimplifying this but I feel like with a 20 year marriage i should ask for 20 years of support. Consulting with my attorney but any thoughts out there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar situation as a SAHM. Are there any lawyers (Fairfax County) that are especially good at representing women in this kind of situation?

OP here. I wish we could talk.

OP, I am the poster who is a SAHM in a similar situation (in case my reply doesn't link to the post). I wish we could talk, too, but I don't know how to do that on this forum without posting personal contact information (which I don't want to do, and I'm not sure the platform will even allow).

I was in a very similar situation and the relief when it was finally settled was enormous. It was a very painful, stressful time. I'm sorry you're both dealing with this.

I think you can post a throwaway email address and connect that way. I've not tried it and it's not foolproof, since you still won't know exactly who you're talking to. Booooo.