Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I got from that is that social media caused all the toxicity. Without Instagram she would have no idea who was hanging with who and that she wasn't invited. And basically all the anxiety I have with other women also stems from some variation of this: "there they are, all hanging out and didn't invite me. What did I do wrong?"
I hate it so much. Currently dreading logging onto Facebook to post family pictures my mother keep hounding me about because I know I'll see something like this.

That certainly makes it easier to find out. But even in the old days, it would usually get back to someone that a gathering was planned or took place without them. The social dynamics of a large group based on loose connections can be weird, and not being invited doesn't always mean you did something wrong.

In the old days it was considered the height of poor manners to talk about a party to someone who wasn't invited. If it got back to someone it was because someone screwed up. Nowadays a party isn't really a party if pictures of all the guests aren't posted for the world to peruse.

Not where I came from. You learned early that sometimes there are parties and you won’t be included. Maybe it’s small, maybe it’s family, there are many reasons.

It’s toxic to teach your children to kept secrets and walk in egg shells to control others feelings.

Teach them not everything is about them and have many and diverse friends groups.

I'm not sure why you're referring to children. The article was about adult women. And I'm not going to waver that it's rude to post every "mom's night out" to an audience that includes people who for whatever reason may feel that they warranted an invitation. No one is impressed and some people are hurt. There's literally no upside. Send the photos to the women who were present.

+1 on posting the photos. It's cringe behavior that I will admit to having done when I was younger. People do it to project a certain image of themselves, and potentially also to make people jealous. The more secure I am in myself, the less I feel the need to do this. Even now, when I feel the urge to post a photo like this, I recognize it's usually an expression of insecurity.

I do think that groups that do this - especially women in their 40s and 50s - know exactly what they are doing and they do it for themselves. It's about their own self-confidence and, as you said, their insecurity. And they even do it about their children - there's a group from my kids' elementary school that constantly posts pictures of their outings, of their teens together, etc...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

She didn't fall off the face of the earth. She starred in Younger, then How I Met Your Father. Considering she has three kids, she's done well and is very successful by Hollywood standards. As is Mandy Moore, obviously. If we're talking about current status, Ashley was not an obvious fit for that group in the first place. Does that mean I don't think Hilary and Many could be mean, petty beyotches? No, of course not. But I would like to hear their side.

Sounds like another Queen Bee chiming in. Not an obvious fit, lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

She didn't fall off the face of the earth. She starred in Younger, then How I Met Your Father. Considering she has three kids, she's done well and is very successful by Hollywood standards. As is Mandy Moore, obviously. If we're talking about current status, Ashley was not an obvious fit for that group in the first place. Does that mean I don't think Hilary and Many could be mean, petty beyotches? No, of course not. But I would like to hear their side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I got from that is that social media caused all the toxicity. Without Instagram she would have no idea who was hanging with who and that she wasn't invited. And basically all the anxiety I have with other women also stems from some variation of this: "there they are, all hanging out and didn't invite me. What did I do wrong?"
I hate it so much. Currently dreading logging onto Facebook to post family pictures my mother keep hounding me about because I know I'll see something like this.

That certainly makes it easier to find out. But even in the old days, it would usually get back to someone that a gathering was planned or took place without them. The social dynamics of a large group based on loose connections can be weird, and not being invited doesn't always mean you did something wrong.

In the old days it was considered the height of poor manners to talk about a party to someone who wasn't invited. If it got back to someone it was because someone screwed up. Nowadays a party isn't really a party if pictures of all the guests aren't posted for the world to peruse.

Not where I came from. You learned early that sometimes there are parties and you won’t be included. Maybe it’s small, maybe it’s family, there are many reasons.

It’s toxic to teach your children to kept secrets and walk in egg shells to control others feelings.

Teach them not everything is about them and have many and diverse friends groups.

I'm not sure why you're referring to children. The article was about adult women. And I'm not going to waver that it's rude to post every "mom's night out" to an audience that includes people who for whatever reason may feel that they warranted an invitation. No one is impressed and some people are hurt. There's literally no upside. Send the photos to the women who were present.

+1 on posting the photos. It's cringe behavior that I will admit to having done when I was younger. People do it to project a certain image of themselves, and potentially also to make people jealous. The more secure I am in myself, the less I feel the need to do this. Even now, when I feel the urge to post a photo like this, I recognize it's usually an expression of insecurity.

I do think that groups that do this - especially women in their 40s and 50s - know exactly what they are doing and they do it for themselves. It's about their own self-confidence and, as you said, their insecurity. And they even do it about their children - there's a group from my kids' elementary school that constantly posts pictures of their outings, of their teens together, etc...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I got from that is that social media caused all the toxicity. Without Instagram she would have no idea who was hanging with who and that she wasn't invited. And basically all the anxiety I have with other women also stems from some variation of this: "there they are, all hanging out and didn't invite me. What did I do wrong?"
I hate it so much. Currently dreading logging onto Facebook to post family pictures my mother keep hounding me about because I know I'll see something like this.

That certainly makes it easier to find out. But even in the old days, it would usually get back to someone that a gathering was planned or took place without them. The social dynamics of a large group based on loose connections can be weird, and not being invited doesn't always mean you did something wrong.

In the old days it was considered the height of poor manners to talk about a party to someone who wasn't invited. If it got back to someone it was because someone screwed up. Nowadays a party isn't really a party if pictures of all the guests aren't posted for the world to peruse.

Not where I came from. You learned early that sometimes there are parties and you won’t be included. Maybe it’s small, maybe it’s family, there are many reasons.

It’s toxic to teach your children to kept secrets and walk in egg shells to control others feelings.

Teach them not everything is about them and have many and diverse friends groups.

I'm not sure why you're referring to children. The article was about adult women. And I'm not going to waver that it's rude to post every "mom's night out" to an audience that includes people who for whatever reason may feel that they warranted an invitation. No one is impressed and some people are hurt. There's literally no upside. Send the photos to the women who were present.

+1 on posting the photos. It's cringe behavior that I will admit to having done when I was younger. People do it to project a certain image of themselves, and potentially also to make people jealous. The more secure I am in myself, the less I feel the need to do this. Even now, when I feel the urge to post a photo like this, I recognize it's usually an expression of insecurity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.

Meghan has always been C-list but in Hilary's defense, she was A-list once upon a time. I am a couple years younger than her and I idolized her in middle school.

Once she broke up with the Good Charlotte guy she kinda fell off the face of the earth for a few years. But never 4get my fave pics of her from the day she got engaged to her now ex-husband:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Can your husband use his big boy words to set the record straight or would he photoshop his head on your friend's body and post about it on social media?

This. Hillary's husband's post is meaner than literally anything Tisdale said in her essay, plus her essay was not about any particular woman whereas the husband's post is a direct attack on Tisdale. Childish and totally unnecessary. And they have kids? Good freaking luck with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Per Reddit “ I follow Ashley, Hilary, and Mandy on IG. I noticed a shift around the time of the fires in California last year. Mandy’s family was affected by the fires. Her, her husband and their children all lived with Hilary for a couple of months due to the fire damage in their home. Other members of Mandy’s family completely lost their homes. I remember Ashley being super tone deaf around this time posting about how grateful she was that she wasn’t affected by the fires and continued talking about plans to build her vacation home. She wasn’t pictured with the mom group again after this. I have a feeling that that affected her relationship within the mom group.”

Eh, it's not straightforward. Mandy Moore posted a link to her brother's Go Fund Me after the fires (he also lost his house) which was ALSO tone deaf because why the hell is Mandy Moore asking her fans to donate money so that her [rich] brother can rebuild his Palisades house, when she is also rich? I feel bad for anyone who loses their house in a fire, of course that is going to be very hard to deal with and move on from, but also have some self awareness as a wealthy celebrity -- these people have resources most people do not have. So accusing Tisdale of being "tone deaf" is odd to me because being tone deaf is kind of a broad Hollywood quality.

The way this reads to me is that Hillary and Mandy were the Queen Bees of their friend group, and that the expectation when Mandy's house burned down is that all the other women in the group would fall all over themselves trying to help her (even though Mandy has enough resources to largely just help herself). It was a competition to prove how devoted you were to the Queen. And Ashley didn't play that game for whatever reason (maybe she was oblivious, maybe she knew what was going on and found it lame, maybe she was already sick of this group, maybe she specifically dislikes Mandy, who knows) and her punishment was that everyone closed ranks against her.

In a toxic group like this, it's always "rules for thee but not for me" from the people at the top of the hierarchy. It *is* toxic, and trying to get the public on the side of the Queen Bees is just an extension of that toxic behavior. You really want to convince me that Mandy Moore and Hillary Duff are victims here? Please. There are no victims. It's just a bunch of petty people trying to one up each other (and yeah, Tisdale was trying to one up when she wrote the essay -- that doesn't mean she's wrong about the underlying dynamics though).

This sounds so right.

My husband’s boss lost her house in a flood a few years ago. She’s an orthopedic surgeon and could afford to replace things. I thought it was crazy to give her money when so many other poor people needed it, but DH spent $700 replacing his boss kid’s legos. Honestly, he was right to do it. I don’t think she explicitly said anything, but it clearly changed her perspective of him.

WTAF??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Can your husband use his big boy words to set the record straight or would he photoshop his head on your friend's body and post about it on social media?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.

Anonymous wrote:Well Hillary's sister Hailey Duff liked both Tisdale's post about her essay and the Cut's post of the essay.

Interesting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and Ashley Tisdale in a toxic mommy group really sounds like the C-list premise for a Mean Girls reboot.

True. But please don't mention their names in the same sentence as that movie again. That movie was great. These women are c-list at best.