Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have very good family friends from Montgomery County where the parents took out massive loans so the kids could attend private schools. The parents are struggling to pay the loans back, literally hurting their retirement while the kids have good jobs and are making plenty of money without student loans. Yet the parents feel the continued obligation to do this. It saddens and sickens me. They had always felt that their kids should be able to attend any college they wished regardless of expense. It’s ridiculous.

I’d do that in a heartbeat for my kids if I needed to. It shouldn’t sadden or sicken you, that’s what some people see as their duty as parents.

Same! I certainly would not want to spend my money chasing a lifestyle I couldn’t afford, taking cruises, shopping and redecorating over giving my kids the best education they can get. I don’t understand these people who will spend over 200 K remodeling their kitchens and bathrooms and then expect their kids to pay for college.

I agree you shouldn't be funding luxury remodels and not paying anything for college, but as a parent, I can choose to tell my kid "we will only pay for the top in-state school" as our max cost. Up to you to choose where to attend but our max is $35-40K(reasonable currently in every state). Then they can choose to remodel their kitchen and bathroom that is 25 years old if they want. They are not required to pay for Harvard.

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is how can all these daycare parents pay $1600-2000 a month for daycare (this is low end of costs), but college parents (who presumably make more money with 18 years more of job experience) can't afford to give their kids the same 24k in money yearly towards college? Plus surely they could have saved 4-5k a year beforehand as well?

I feel like the ability for kids to get student loans has made it so that parents feel no responsibility. And kids spend more than they should because they could get the loans.

I understand why student loans are needed but it has inflated prices for everything.

Most parents choose not to "save". Because you are correct, if you take whatever you were paying for daycare and redirect at least 50% to "college savings" (and the rest towards retirement), most people would be much better off.

In state costs $25-30K (there are options for more in many states, but for most you can spend $30K or a bit more and be at a great school). If the kid works summers and breaks and 8-10 hour PT job during the year, the kid can earn $10-12K. That means the parents need to contribute $15-20K per year. Or have chosen to save $200-300/month towards college. It's really all about choices

What is she going to do if you dont?

-Loan is in her name
-Loan is her responsibility

Don't f*** up your finances because someone else made a poor decision.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She got the loan because you wanted to go to some expensive school, and they would not allow you to take a loan. Pay the loan, and stop whining.
That is the way it works; they won't allow YOU to take the loan and if she didn't take the loan you could not go to that school as they had no money to pay for your tuition.
Mom is right, you are a user.

Exactly this.

But more broadly, it sucks our students have to deal with this just to get an education

I completely agree with your statement. Students should not have to mortgage their lives to get a college degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She got the loan because you wanted to go to some expensive school, and they would not allow you to take a loan. Pay the loan, and stop whining.
That is the way it works; they won't allow YOU to take the loan and if she didn't take the loan you could not go to that school as they had no money to pay for your tuition.
Mom is right, you are a user.

No you are nuts.

I am right, not nuts. Your response is puzzling, as if you have no idea how college loans work for many families.

Anonymous wrote:She got the loan because you wanted to go to some expensive school, and they would not allow you to take a loan. Pay the loan, and stop whining.
That is the way it works; they won't allow YOU to take the loan and if she didn't take the loan you could not go to that school as they had no money to pay for your tuition.
Mom is right, you are a user.

Exactly this.

But more broadly, it sucks our students have to deal with this just to get an education

Anonymous wrote:She got the loan because you wanted to go to some expensive school, and they would not allow you to take a loan. Pay the loan, and stop whining.
That is the way it works; they won't allow YOU to take the loan and if she didn't take the loan you could not go to that school as they had no money to pay for your tuition.
Mom is right, you are a user.

No you are nuts.

She got the loan because you wanted to go to some expensive school, and they would not allow you to take a loan. Pay the loan, and stop whining.
That is the way it works; they won't allow YOU to take the loan and if she didn't take the loan you could not go to that school as they had no money to pay for your tuition.
Mom is right, you are a user.

Only the parent is legally obligated to pay back a parent plus loan:

https://studentaid.gov/understand-aid/types/loans/plus/parent

Anonymous wrote:I took a parent plus loan out for my son and I told him at that time it was his loan to pay back. But wow, your loan mus be huge. My son's minimum payment is $99/month. He's paying way more than that monthly, but if he's in a bind ever he can go as low as $99/mo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to pay for your own education if your parents are in trouble financially. You can maybe work out a plan with the lender, but yeah, it amazes me how many adult kids get so pissy when they are asked to pay back a parent plus loan. Usually those loans are taken out because it's another pot of money that you would otherwise not have access to, and student loans and scholarship options have been exhausted.

If they expected her to pay for it they should have had her take loans in her name only. The mom took out the debt and is the only one responsible. This is like your parents charging a wedding reception on their Amex and handing you the bill later. If the parents cannot afford things they should not assume debt and try to pass it off.

Students don’t have access to that many loan products.

Yeah the mom messed up. But op needs to just pay it off and be done with it. When my in laws were struggling financially, they were still paying for sil phine and travel. Sil never offered to help with the parent plus loan. Saying it’s her parents loan and not hers. But she was the one who whined about going to a more expensive uni

Where is your dad? Is he a deadbeat?

Op still doesn’t know what mom spent the money on.

I would not pay it as it’s better for your mom’s financial situation to blow up now rather than later. Parent plus loans will go after her. She can’t keep ignoring it. It will force the issue that she can’t afford the big house and wasteful financial choices. If OP just agrees to take on her mother’s debt, then the OP’s family is out 19 K and mom keeps spending digging a deeper hole. Time for tough love for the gaslighting boomer as it’s actually for her own good.

OP I get it. My parents promised me a paid for college education, took out parent plus loans and had me take out loans under my name claiming they'd pay for all of it. I was 18 and didn't know better and of course trusted my parents. But then they started defaulting on the loans and demanded I pay for it, all while I was barely making any money. I was pissed, and understand why you would be as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have started paying for it the instant you started earning money, WTF is wrong with you that you've been mooching off of mommy so long that you are married with two children???

If OP's mom wanted expected her to pay the Parent Plus as soon as OP started making money, then she should have told her then and laid out the expectations and monthly contribution. OP likely would have to pay MORE now since the mom has been letting it languish. Sorry, but it's really really poor behavior from the mom, full stop.

She told OP that was always the expectation.

No.

Yes. From the original post: "I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan."

This doesn’t support your assertion. The mother claiming it was the plan doesn’t equal OP being told this was the plan from the start of college.