Anonymous
03/03/2025 17:30
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?
+1 seriously!
If the concern is genuinely that they might be dying, then if matters because they have someone else who is able to take care of them in the vast majority of circumstances. Whatever happened here is the outlier, not a normal experience for someone in their 60s.
DP.
Thank you for your very clinical response.
+1 unemotional and unfeeling. We often see and hear of people left alone in nursing homes with fewvor no family visits or calls. Very sad.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 16:37
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?
+1 seriously!
If the concern is genuinely that they might be dying, then if matters because they have someone else who is able to take care of them in the vast majority of circumstances. Whatever happened here is the outlier, not a normal experience for someone in their 60s.
DP.
Thank you for your very clinical response.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 16:34
Subject: Gene Hackman R.I.P.
My mom in her 90s would be irritated if I called her every day.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 16:22
Subject: Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Frankly he's 1) a guy 2) a dad who worked hard during his children's youth and 3) men supremely value their independence. I don't see anything odd with his children's assumed lack of involvment.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:46
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?
+1 seriously!
If the concern is genuinely that they might be dying, then if matters because they have someone else who is able to take care of them in the vast majority of circumstances. Whatever happened here is the outlier, not a normal experience for someone in their 60s.
DP.
But the responsibility of checking on the 95 year old parent remains, no matter whose care they are in, in my opinion. The presence of a spouse does not make that irrelevant.
That makes sense if your primary motivation is to fulfill an abstract responsibility. If you're motivated by what will actually make the person safer, then it does matter. Would you call a parent in a nursing home every day? It can't possibly make them safer, so if you would then it's motivated by something else. Safety has been the main reason advanced in this thread, so it seems like it's relevant to most people.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:43
Subject: Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:My husband calls his mother (dad died ten years ago) weekly. There’s 7 kids. They each take a day.
Would think they maybe could have done something like this.
so his mother is alone
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:40
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?
+1 seriously!
If the concern is genuinely that they might be dying, then if matters because they have someone else who is able to take care of them in the vast majority of circumstances. Whatever happened here is the outlier, not a normal experience for someone in their 60s.
DP.
But the responsibility of checking on the 95 year old parent remains, no matter whose care they are in, in my opinion. The presence of a spouse does not make that irrelevant.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:35
Subject: Gene Hackman R.I.P.
My husband calls his mother (dad died ten years ago) weekly. There’s 7 kids. They each take a day.
Would think they maybe could have done something like this.
Would think they maybe could have done something like this.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:31
Subject: Gene Hackman R.I.P.
I would be checking in on a 95 year old parent more often if he lived alone. That he had a younger wife/caretaker gives a sense of relief that he had company and they were busy living their lives, demonstrated in the photo of them going out to dinner.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:30
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?
+1 seriously!
If the concern is genuinely that they might be dying, then if matters because they have someone else who is able to take care of them in the vast majority of circumstances. Whatever happened here is the outlier, not a normal experience for someone in their 60s.
DP.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:29
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 year olds with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
I count none.
none
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:24
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Why does the age of the parent’s spouse factor in with how often someone checks in with their own parent?
+1 seriously!
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:23
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Here's the thing: this situation went horribly wrong. If his three kids took turns checking in every couple of days (so, each makes a call once a week) then the possibility his death of dehydration on the floor of his home might have been eliminated as someone would have noticed that he / his wife were not in touch.
That seems like it would have been a good thing.
That said, each of us can learn from this, if we're open to it, to avoid letting our elderly parents end up in this kind of situation.
If your situation with your parent is so bad that you don't actually care if they die of dehydration on the floor of their hallway, then great! Don't call. But, the rest of us (who think our parents deserve basic human dignity, even in death) might want to learn from someone else's experience to avoid our parents ending up in such a situation.
It's interesting to see how quickly we switch between "I'm not judging" and the bolded, which is very judgemental. NP.
I'm the poster you're replying to. I never said that I wasn't judging the kids. I very much am.
Good to know. I'd rather die of dehydration on the floor than have raised you, but maybe your mom feels differently.
Sorry you decided not to talk to your parents any more. It has consequences.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:22
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 years old with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
Here's the thing: this situation went horribly wrong. If his three kids took turns checking in every couple of days (so, each makes a call once a week) then the possibility his death of dehydration on the floor of his home might have been eliminated as someone would have noticed that he / his wife were not in touch.
That seems like it would have been a good thing.
That said, each of us can learn from this, if we're open to it, to avoid letting our elderly parents end up in this kind of situation.
If your situation with your parent is so bad that you don't actually care if they die of dehydration on the floor of their hallway, then great! Don't call. But, the rest of us (who think our parents deserve basic human dignity, even in death) might want to learn from someone else's experience to avoid our parents ending up in such a situation.
It's interesting to see how quickly we switch between "I'm not judging" and the bolded, which is very judgemental. NP.
I'm the poster you're replying to. I never said that I wasn't judging the kids. I very much am.
Good to know. I'd rather die of dehydration on the floor than have raised you, but maybe your mom feels differently.
Anonymous
03/03/2025 15:20
Subject: Re:Gene Hackman R.I.P.
Anonymous wrote:How many responses are from 50-60 year olds with a 95 year old parent married to a loving wife in her 60s?
I count none.