My in-laws traveled regularly without their children (FIL had one of those jobs with the free trips to cool places with your spouse - “conferences” or whatever.) His parents/the grandparents watched DH and his siblings at DH’s home regularly. My in-laws have never once done this for us, not once. A couple of times they have done a single overnight at their house at our request and when we drop the kids at 6pm at their house MIL wants to know what time we will be back the next morning to collect them. My kids (calm girls) complain that grandma and grandpa are too strict and mean and they don’t want to go. I don’t think she has any maternal instincts at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seriously have never understood why parents feel the need to have kid-free vacations. Yes, they should be over pretty much. Kids are 14 and 11. No, there have not been kid-free vacations nor will there be.

You are being a baby. You can reconnect if you have weekend date nights. You don’t need an entire vacations. This was not a thing in previous generations.

Um, yes it was. My parents traveled regularly without us kids, as did their friends. I'm almost 50.

i

Some of you need a reminder that anecdotes are not data.

And some of you need a reminder that when you make blanket statements such as "This was not a thing in previous generations." that you are saying no one in previous generations ever did this. Which is fundamentally untrue.

Ask yourself why it's ok for the people with whom you agree to make blanket, sweeping statements about the entire population but a single person who disagrees with you must be shut down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

+1000

But PP, you'll never reason with these people. They'll just start asking you why you bothered to have kids at all if you were going to spend one week out of 52 each year away from them.

Honestly, this question is a great litmus test for when you meet new people - ask them if they'd ever spend a weekend away without their kids. If they say no, hard pass.

Good call - hard pass on the people who make it a litmus test. They are too black and white and not very creative.

It's ironic that you're not calling the people who say they will NEVER take time away from their kids the black-and-white thinkers...

Doesn’t sound like they are the ones dropping friendship.

What are you talking about? The point of using a litmus test is to decide if you're going to be friends with people, not to decide which friendships you're going to drop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seriously have never understood why parents feel the need to have kid-free vacations. Yes, they should be over pretty much. Kids are 14 and 11. No, there have not been kid-free vacations nor will there be.

You are being a baby. You can reconnect if you have weekend date nights. You don’t need an entire vacations. This was not a thing in previous generations.

Um, yes it was. My parents traveled regularly without us kids, as did their friends. I'm almost 50.

i

Some of you need a reminder that anecdotes are not data.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

+1000

But PP, you'll never reason with these people. They'll just start asking you why you bothered to have kids at all if you were going to spend one week out of 52 each year away from them.

Honestly, this question is a great litmus test for when you meet new people - ask them if they'd ever spend a weekend away without their kids. If they say no, hard pass.

Good call - hard pass on the people who make it a litmus test. They are too black and white and not very creative.

It's ironic that you're not calling the people who say they will NEVER take time away from their kids the black-and-white thinkers...

Doesn’t sound like they are the ones dropping friendship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a married couple really want to get away for a weekend they will find a way. Everything else is just an excuse to avoid doing it. My husband knows that with no kids around hotel sex after a date night is as good as it gets.

+1000

If you don't want to spend time alone with your spouse maybe take a good look at your marriage.

This x 200000000
We absolutely take trips guilt free w out our kids.

We’ve always hired help. No dumping on grandparents, family members or neighbors.

We prioritize our marriage and alone time. It ain’t hard.

Kids are now young adults and we still do.

Our kids are always so excited when we tell them
we off traveling. Even offer to swing by and dog & house sit.


Stoppppp w the excuses.

You can spend time alone with your spouse without going on vacation without your kids. Date night. When they are older they will do sleepovers at friends. Camp.

My DH and I sometimes take days off work while kids are at school/aftercare and spend the entire day together doing fun activities.

We've never done an overnight without kids because we don't have family who could take them and an overnight sitter is both too expensive and hard (finding a sitter they would be comfortable with overnight would take a lot of work I don't view as necessary).

I think it's odd to decide if people don't do kid-free vacations, they don't like each other or won't spend time alone together. I'm done with my spouse all the time. No interest in doing a vacation without my kids.

Anonymous wrote:I love travel but I travel with my kids only. I think it's shitty to leave your kids for a week.

I hope you say that to people's faces so they know who you really are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

+1000

But PP, you'll never reason with these people. They'll just start asking you why you bothered to have kids at all if you were going to spend one week out of 52 each year away from them.

Honestly, this question is a great litmus test for when you meet new people - ask them if they'd ever spend a weekend away without their kids. If they say no, hard pass.

Good call - hard pass on the people who make it a litmus test. They are too black and white and not very creative.

It's ironic that you're not calling the people who say they will NEVER take time away from their kids the black-and-white thinkers...

Anonymous wrote:I seriously have never understood why parents feel the need to have kid-free vacations. Yes, they should be over pretty much. Kids are 14 and 11. No, there have not been kid-free vacations nor will there be.

You are being a baby. You can reconnect if you have weekend date nights. You don’t need an entire vacations. This was not a thing in previous generations.

Um, yes it was. My parents traveled regularly without us kids, as did their friends. I'm almost 50.

I love travel but I travel with my kids only. I think it's shitty to leave your kids for a week.

I dont understand why people don't consider this before they have kids....

um yeah it's called being a parent

but also this is why sleep away camp was invented. but that is pricey.

Anonymous wrote:You're so mad your mother in law is too old to do this and so anxious to blame your husband, you ignored a half dozen obvious solutions.

I understand now why marriages fade out.

I bet OP is a man. Wants to travel to “reconnect” (aka have sex). Wants to use MIL for free child care. Won’t consider researching babysitters/short term nannies. Won’t research resorts with child care. Is pissed that his self-centered “solution” isn’t one at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Where do you see OP doing that?

Try THE ACTUAL POST YOU ARE RESPONDING TO

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

+1000

But PP, you'll never reason with these people. They'll just start asking you why you bothered to have kids at all if you were going to spend one week out of 52 each year away from them.

Honestly, this question is a great litmus test for when you meet new people - ask them if they'd ever spend a weekend away without their kids. If they say no, hard pass.

Good call - hard pass on the people who make it a litmus test. They are too black and white and not very creative.