Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Can’t you send a friendly “you were on my mind” email and ask about family? Simple enough.

It just feels profoundly awkward. He’s going to know that I had to dig around to find him (granted Google stalking is not super time intensive, but still). I think he would see it as disingenuous if I didn’t admit that I hoped to reconnect.

The stakes are so high. I know this is a bit morbid and corny, but I’m going to be cremated with the pressed rose petals from his flowers that I have carried through every move for my adult life. We met when I was 14, I broke up when I was 21. I don’t obsess all day every day, but I don’t think a single day of my life has passed without a thought of him. If I’m going to reach out I feel like I have to get it right.

Anonymous wrote:That’s easy. I will regret until my dying breath losing my son to a cult … 😢

I’m sorry. That is awful.

Anonymous wrote:That’s easy. I will regret until my dying breath losing my son to a cult … 😢

I am so sorry 💔

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Can’t you send a friendly “you were on my mind” email and ask about family? Simple enough.

That’s easy. I will regret until my dying breath losing my son to a cult … 😢

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Neither of us have social media so any contact is going to inherently reveal that I’ve been semi-stalking. We haven’t spoken since shortly after he graduated college which was decades ago.

Anonymous wrote:I just read a NYT essay by the author Ann Patchett who says her regret is email.

What about email?

Being born. Some people are just not cut out for life.

Not double paying on my mortgage. I have a really low rate and I could have paid off this place years ago

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying my husband.

This plus 100. Killed my soul. Wasted decades.

same how did you pick up the pieces?

Anonymous wrote:Not considering earning potential when picking my career path. I’m reasonably happy where I ended up, so the regret isn’t huge, but the same level of success in a different field would have resulted in a much different life style, being able to send kids to college of their choice, etc. Ditto for DH. Wish at least one of us had weighed earning potential higher than doing good in the world, or tried harder to figure out how we could have both.

I had low self esteem when it came to careers. My family had a lot of influence over me at that time and they recommended accounting due to its stability.

I even turned down the interview invitation from McKinsey 😑 i settled for a job with a local bank. My seat was with the quants (phds), still, arguably the better roles a fresh grad can get within that organization.

And I made a few poor career moves due to the self esteem issue. I Still made it to a nice place but wish I had came here sooner!

Anonymous wrote:Not considering earning potential when picking my career path. I’m reasonably happy where I ended up, so the regret isn’t huge, but the same level of success in a different field would have resulted in a much different life style, being able to send kids to college of their choice, etc. Ditto for DH. Wish at least one of us had weighed earning potential higher than doing good in the world, or tried harder to figure out how we could have both.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not marry the man I loved with all my heart and soul, because timing.

Decades on, I see timing was just an excuse for fear, and cost me the chance to live life with my soulmate.

Is he married now?

He may be separated. Neither of us have social media, but he’s accepted a professorship distant from his home and I hear his wife hasn’t moved. She has a serious career, so they may be doing LD. I have been separated for years. I feel like he would find me if he were meaningfully single.

To the snickers lady: Ahahaha, you are my hero

I found this one of the hardest regrets to read. I think we need a spinoff thread where everyone convinces you to reach out.

What if he is not separated, though? Or only kind of testing the waters. That would be so awful. He is one that would never, ever cheat, nor would I. I look for him in airports 😬

DH here: NGL, “I look for him in airports” got me right in the feels. PP: I kind of know what this feels like, I’d say reach out, the worst can say is “still taken” and take it from me you don’t want to wonder “what if” for decades.

🫶

I might consider it if I get strong clues that it’s a perma-separation or a divorce, but I really think if he’s free he will find me.

15 years ago, I pressured a colleague into calling her first husband from her 20s. We argued over this, because she felt I'd overstepped and I had. Long story, but she held a lot of regrets and felt like he was the one who got away. They ended up rekindling in their 50s and remarried until his death maybe 5 years later.

You need to reach out and stop making excuses not to. Respectfully.

😱 They only had five years. That is devastating, but so much better than never getting back together. Well, you all have certainly given me quite a bit to think about. I’m going to nose around and see if I can figure out anything more about his possible separation.

Can you just reach out casually? “Hey, I saw _____ and it made me laugh. Reminded me of (college/hometown). Hope you’re doing well.”

Anonymous wrote:Not going to a better college. I was very smart, but my parents (who had not been to college) , persuaded me to jump at the first full scholarship I was offered (at a mediocre school, full of mediocre kids). That set the trajectory of my life.

You can still change the trajectory if you’re not happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not figuring out earlier how to deal with my teeth, learning too late that regular dental hygiene was not enough for my mouth.

Would have saved so much time and money.

omg.. I have been on DD about taking care of her teeth, brushing, flossing since she was young. She refuses to listen to me, and now she has six cavities.

My parents never taught me about oral hygiene. I have tons of fillings, and now at 50+, I need crowns. Painful and expensive.

A lot of it is genetic. My ex grew up in a poor country - not a single cavity! Looks like our son will be the same.

Yes! I grow up in another country and I have 0 cavity. My kids needs a crown on her baby teeth at age 8 lol.