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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Less important but worth noting is the unfairness to me because it’s not like I get a similar break; in fact, I would find it incredibly selfish to take two hours every day for myself on family vacation. We coordinated and paid money to take this trip, it seems foolish to waste 14 waking hours of the trip on naps.

I don't know if anyone has addressed this, but your framing here is absolutely bonkers. It isn't that you aren't getting a similar break, you are just refusing to take one. You could take one if you wanted to. But you apparently don't want to, and don't want him to either. That's a valid (though selfish) position to take, but it is crazy to suggest that it's unfair that you don;t get something that you don't want, and could have but choose not to take.

In your mind, you want a nap, so everyone else should have one too.

Oh is that jetboat tour leaving now? Too bad. You should want a nap. Or go by yourself. Sorry, kid—Dad needs his "alone" time. Maybe some other year.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

Even parents don't have to parent 24/7. 11 and 13 year olds can occupy themselves for two hours while mom reads and dad naps.

I don't think the issue is whether he gets 2 hours off.

Last time we went on a beach vacation, I would do things by myself, like, after the kids were set up with an activity, I could go swimming in the ocean. Or, after the kids went to bed, I went over to the hotel bar and drank sundowners and watched a soccer game. The problem, clearly, is that he expects something, with no compromise, at a primetime during the day. That's just not realistic when you have kids on vacation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If this were me, I would plan outings during his nap. If you’re on a week long vacation, you’re getting plenty of time together besides those two hours he naps. So yeah—either everyone gets a 2 hour afternoon “quiet time” to do with what they want (reading and napping sounds lovely to me) or you plan something and stop being upset that he doesn’t come with you. That’s his loss! The did will be fine that he doesn’t come, do they care that much or do YOU care?

This is really the best compromise. All the rabid anti-nappers don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to be attached at the hip for our entire vacation. Kids included!

In this case, it's the kids wanting to spend time with their problem, which is apparently the problem. The kids want to do things with him. He doesn't want to do things with them.

And they are! For most of the day, every day.

I bet some people spend an hour or two showering and getting ready for dinner every night, how dare you deprive your children of that quality time!

I don’t know about showering because two hours seems like an awfully long time but in terms of cooking I am awake and available and can talk to my family and spend time with them while I prep dinner and make dinner. So I don’t think those two are equivalent.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were me, I would plan outings during his nap. If you’re on a week long vacation, you’re getting plenty of time together besides those two hours he naps. So yeah—either everyone gets a 2 hour afternoon “quiet time” to do with what they want (reading and napping sounds lovely to me) or you plan something and stop being upset that he doesn’t come with you. That’s his loss! The did will be fine that he doesn’t come, do they care that much or do YOU care?

This is really the best compromise. All the rabid anti-nappers don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to be attached at the hip for our entire vacation. Kids included!

In this case, it's the kids wanting to spend time with their problem, which is apparently the problem. The kids want to do things with him. He doesn't want to do things with them.

And they are! For most of the day, every day.

I bet some people spend an hour or two showering and getting ready for dinner every night, how dare you deprive your children of that quality time!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were me, I would plan outings during his nap. If you’re on a week long vacation, you’re getting plenty of time together besides those two hours he naps. So yeah—either everyone gets a 2 hour afternoon “quiet time” to do with what they want (reading and napping sounds lovely to me) or you plan something and stop being upset that he doesn’t come with you. That’s his loss! The did will be fine that he doesn’t come, do they care that much or do YOU care?

This is really the best compromise. All the rabid anti-nappers don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to be attached at the hip for our entire vacation. Kids included!

In this case, it's the kids wanting to spend time with their problem, which is apparently the problem. The kids want to do things with him. He doesn't want to do things with them.

And they are! For most of the day, every day.

I bet some people spend an hour or two showering and getting ready for dinner every night, how dare you deprive your children of that quality time!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were me, I would plan outings during his nap. If you’re on a week long vacation, you’re getting plenty of time together besides those two hours he naps. So yeah—either everyone gets a 2 hour afternoon “quiet time” to do with what they want (reading and napping sounds lovely to me) or you plan something and stop being upset that he doesn’t come with you. That’s his loss! The did will be fine that he doesn’t come, do they care that much or do YOU care?

This is really the best compromise. All the rabid anti-nappers don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to be attached at the hip for our entire vacation. Kids included!

In this case, it's the kids wanting to spend time with their problem, which is apparently the problem. The kids want to do things with him. He doesn't want to do things with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.