Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

GL with the decision, whatever it is. No way I'd have the baby, though.
I would not want to be financially, emotionally, logistically, etc. linked to this person for the rest of my life. Child support. Daily/weekend logistics. Who gets what holiday. Who pays for what. Do you like the guys new GF (and vice versa).

You BARELY KNOW is person. But, if you are willing to deal with all that, then I hope it works out. But take of any rose colored glasses before you decide. This will not be easy.

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Anonymous wrote:I was in exactly the same situation many years ago. Seriously considered abortion, but didn’t have stomach for it. I felt like it would haunt me for the rest of my life and I would always be counting birthdays of my unborn child. It absolutely gives me chills right now to think I could have done that, and not have the gift of having DC in my life.

OP if you go with abortion, make sure you are going to be ok living with that decision. It will not undo your pregnancy. You will still have to mention it at every new doctor’s appointment.

Don’t listen to anyone (ESPECIALLY on this board) but listen to you heart and gut feeling. And don’t rush into any decisions! You have time to think it over.

Don’t lie. You absolutely do not have to mention an abortion at doctor’s appointments. I have had one, have not had the need to mention it to anyone in decades.
No regrets about my decision by the way.
Have a family and two lovely DCs that are my everything.

Every new doctor asks me how many pregnancies and how many children. Aborted pregnancy is still a pregnancy.

I’ve never had a doctor ask me this. And you don’t have to share any information that you don’t want to.

Every OB asks this.

But you don’t have to share the info if you don’t what to.

I've never even been asked by an OB. Births, yes.

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Anonymous wrote:I was in exactly the same situation many years ago. Seriously considered abortion, but didn’t have stomach for it. I felt like it would haunt me for the rest of my life and I would always be counting birthdays of my unborn child. It absolutely gives me chills right now to think I could have done that, and not have the gift of having DC in my life.

OP if you go with abortion, make sure you are going to be ok living with that decision. It will not undo your pregnancy. You will still have to mention it at every new doctor’s appointment.

Don’t listen to anyone (ESPECIALLY on this board) but listen to you heart and gut feeling. And don’t rush into any decisions! You have time to think it over.

Don’t lie. You absolutely do not have to mention an abortion at doctor’s appointments. I have had one, have not had the need to mention it to anyone in decades.
No regrets about my decision by the way.
Have a family and two lovely DCs that are my everything.

Every new doctor asks me how many pregnancies and how many children. Aborted pregnancy is still a pregnancy.

I’ve never had a doctor ask me this. And you don’t have to share any information that you don’t want to.

Every OB asks this.

But you don’t have to share the info if you don’t what to.

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Anonymous wrote:I was in exactly the same situation many years ago. Seriously considered abortion, but didn’t have stomach for it. I felt like it would haunt me for the rest of my life and I would always be counting birthdays of my unborn child. It absolutely gives me chills right now to think I could have done that, and not have the gift of having DC in my life.

OP if you go with abortion, make sure you are going to be ok living with that decision. It will not undo your pregnancy. You will still have to mention it at every new doctor’s appointment.

Don’t listen to anyone (ESPECIALLY on this board) but listen to you heart and gut feeling. And don’t rush into any decisions! You have time to think it over.

Don’t lie. You absolutely do not have to mention an abortion at doctor’s appointments. I have had one, have not had the need to mention it to anyone in decades.
No regrets about my decision by the way.
Have a family and two lovely DCs that are my everything.

Every new doctor asks me how many pregnancies and how many children. Aborted pregnancy is still a pregnancy.

I’ve never had a doctor ask me this. And you don’t have to share any information that you don’t want to.

Every OB asks this.

Np, as a woman who was in this scenario 28 years ago and went through with the pregnancy, I would say to abort. I love my child dearly, but would make different choices if given the chance.

In hindsight, I didn't like their father enough to connect myself to him for 18 years, and I also discourage procreating with someone you don't know becasue of the unknown traits they might pass along.

Having a child with someone you know is risky enough but with a stranger is down right dumb.

Just remember ladies, vote for Trump and your abortion rights go out the window.

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Anonymous wrote:I was in exactly the same situation many years ago. Seriously considered abortion, but didn’t have stomach for it. I felt like it would haunt me for the rest of my life and I would always be counting birthdays of my unborn child. It absolutely gives me chills right now to think I could have done that, and not have the gift of having DC in my life.

OP if you go with abortion, make sure you are going to be ok living with that decision. It will not undo your pregnancy. You will still have to mention it at every new doctor’s appointment.

Don’t listen to anyone (ESPECIALLY on this board) but listen to you heart and gut feeling. And don’t rush into any decisions! You have time to think it over.

Don’t lie. You absolutely do not have to mention an abortion at doctor’s appointments. I have had one, have not had the need to mention it to anyone in decades.
No regrets about my decision by the way.
Have a family and two lovely DCs that are my everything.

Every new doctor asks me how many pregnancies and how many children. Aborted pregnancy is still a pregnancy.

I’ve never had a doctor ask me this. And you don’t have to share any information that you don’t want to.

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Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

This is why you wear a condom people. I am a woman and even if women say they are on the pill or have an IUD... wear a condom!

I have a few friends who had this issue. Two are being supported by their state/ the taxpayers even though they are both able to work.

I think people should be mandated to attend therapy before they are allowed to have a baby.

This is correct. When I was single, would never trust that a woman was using birth control correctly or didn't have a STD.

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Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Condoms work just fine! IUDs weren’t really a thing when I was younger and I had a bad reaction to the pill, so I used condoms for many, many years. I never got pregnant until I was ready to have a baby at 35. The condom broke a few times and I ended up having to get the morning after pill, but overall, it did the job. The key is you have to be consistent. They’re also much safer, if you’re not in a long term relationship. Now that I’m old and married, we use natural family planning and that works, too, or more likely, I’m too old to get pregnant…either way, I’m okay with a whoopsie. Also, I never had a single long term partner complain about using them or try to push me to go on the pill, etc.

I am on my 3rd pregnancy from not using birth control.

Did you figure out what keeps causing it?

ADHD, duh

Can’t remember if I got my pills, took my pills, lost my pills, retook my pills. Whatever!

Yes adhd and i also have a learning disability. When i was on the pill i wouldnt take them everyday but still had sex.

Why wouldn't you get an IUD? Or use condoms?

Idk no excuse i know we never thought of the consequences. I heard iud's hurt and condoms we would use once in a while.

Ladies with IUDs, can you feel it moving around in there? Can men feel it? Can they knock it out of place? I’m going to go back on birth control probably next year and need something

Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

Just coparent together. Keep it real friendly and try to become or at least maintain a friendship unless there are issues at one of your homes, equal time parenting plan. There. Done; it can be simple.

This thread was started more than two weeks ago. OP, have you reached a decision?

Anonymous wrote:This is the worst reason for an abortion. We always hear “save the life of the mother” & “it will ruin someone’s life who can’t afford it.” But this discussion reveals that was all B.S. to get the slippery slope started so irresponsible women can have their cake & eat it too.

Keep it or give it up for adoption, but you got yourself into this—don’t make someone else pay to get you out of it.

"irresponsible women" are you effing serious? The man would wear a condom or get a vasectomy, stop putting pregnancy all on the woman. Vasectomies are reversible. I am sick and tired of women having to shove hormones in their bodies (that does gosh knows what long term) so they don't get pregnant, yet men can't get a reversible vasectomy and wear a condom? Really?

Takes two to tango!

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Anonymous wrote:I get pregnant very easily, easy pregnancies . Pregnant first time trying at 32, 35 and 38

And still!!!! I never got pregnant with a prior boyfriend or had an unwanted pregnancy:

I learned about prevention in middle school sex Ed. I was on the Pill and took it religiously (pre-Mirena,etc).

It’s weird to read so many woman getting pregnant while dating or hooking up with randos. If you are too dumb to use birth control, the child isn’t going to care well …

This is so judgmental. There by the grace of God, you know? It also helps that you were able to take the pill. I can’t take hormonal bc because of stroke risk, so condoms are my best option, and the guy has to participate in using them correctly.

People get pregnant accidentally not because everyone except you is so dumb, but because at a population level, even a small chance of bc failure means a lot of accidental pregnancies.

If you don't want to get pregnant it is possible not to get pregnant! There are other female birth controls that don't have hormones in them- diaphragm, gel, condoms, non hormonal IUD, check your cycle. If you each use a method pregnancy is very low. I can't use BC either and never had an IUD, guess what? I never got accidentally pregnant and easily got pregnant when I wanted with my spouse. I was religious about checking my cycle and extra careful before we were ready to get pregnant. I went to Catholic school and learned a lot of this there from the school nurse... in Catholic school, what is going on today with sex ed?

My mom got 'accidentally' pregnant in the 80s. She ended up marrying my dad. He was an alcoholic and died before I was born due to his own stupidity and she died when I was still young from cancer.

I am happy to be around but I say all the time, I was lucky because if my dad were still alive I think my life would have turned out a lot different. Yes, it is sad to say that about your bio dad, but by all accounts he had a lot of demons. I am successful, have a graduate degree from a top university, have a beautiful family and wonderful life. I don't think that is where I would have been if my mom died and my bio dad were still alive. Although, I know my mom's family would have taken him to court to get me because of all his issues.

Think about what works best if you have a baby. Think of the child first, not your needs and wants, but the child's needs because that is what matters. If you aren't sure go talk to a therapist, but do it quick.

Also, pregnancy shouldn't be your only worry, but STIs. Get tested. Syphilis is on the rise as are other STIs. Wear a condom and get tested, people.

I would have had an abortion instead of making this post. Wouldn't even think twice about it in your situation.

Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

This is why you wear a condom people. I am a woman and even if women say they are on the pill or have an IUD... wear a condom!

I have a few friends who had this issue. Two are being supported by their state/ the taxpayers even though they are both able to work.

I think people should be mandated to attend therapy before they are allowed to have a baby.