Anonymous wrote:As a white person I am guilty of not being able to tell from looking OR hearing their last name which Asian country someone is from. I know some (most?) Asian people can do that, but I can't. Sometimes based on last name I guess Japanese but am so scared to be wrong I won't say my guess out loud.

There's nothing you could have done or said about the elevator other than pointing to a visible smell and saying "That was here when I got in". Your kid could have said, "Actually, I'm Korean" and hoped the guy would feel ashamed for having guessed, but I don't know if it's on children to do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I skipped from the earlier pages to the last one of this thread and it doesn't appear to have gotten any more nuanced.

The neighbor may have thought they were being appropriate, possibly authentic, but they were not. Visibly invisible came to mind when I read about this interaction.

Regarding the elevator, my guess is that anyone getting on would assume the person already in the elevator was the "offender" of the bad smell. Yet we have seen a lot of anti-Asian bias over the decades/centuries with big spikes in recent times in '70s and especially again in COVID. So OP is not necessarily irrational to wonder if something was up.

I'm always puzzled why people, mainly white people, are so triggered when they hear about microaggressions. Isn't it just an opportunity to reflect on what is being said, think about their own attitudes/behavior, and possibly adjust accordingly?

People did reflect, and some of them disagreed with you. Disagreeing with you doesn’t make us racist. Also, I’m not white, and if you read this thread not everyone else who saw things differently was white. Having people disagree with you can also be an opportunity to reflect — on your own psychology. Micro aggressions are real. We suffer because of them. But we can become so overprotective of ourselves that we aren’t living our lives, aren’t raising our kids to be strong, aren’t being fair to those around us…the list goes on.

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I skipped from the earlier pages to the last one of this thread and it doesn't appear to have gotten any more nuanced.

The neighbor may have thought they were being appropriate, possibly authentic, but they were not. Visibly invisible came to mind when I read about this interaction.

Regarding the elevator, my guess is that anyone getting on would assume the person already in the elevator was the "offender" of the bad smell. Yet we have seen a lot of anti-Asian bias over the decades/centuries with big spikes in recent times in '70s and especially again in COVID. So OP is not necessarily irrational to wonder if something was up.

I'm always puzzled why people, mainly white people, are so triggered when they hear about microaggressions. Isn't it just an opportunity to reflect on what is being said, think about their own attitudes/behavior, and possibly adjust accordingly?

Anonymous wrote:Imagine being this proud of being an ignorant American who forgot your heritage and only speaks one language.

Anonymous wrote:I love being a white man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but I understand what OP is saying. I’m half Asian and so some people assume I am Latino or another race and say stuff in front of me.

For example, just a few weeks ago I overheard a person (happens to be in an important position that I am working for in a consulting gig) refer to the term ‘rice burner’ in a conversation, telling someone else he hoped they didn’t buy a ‘rice burner’ car. I was shocked as I have not heard that term be used in a long time. But yes, I hear or see various microaggresions on average of a weekly basis.

But with that said, I also know Asians that are racist against Muslims and blacks, so unfortunately it is the sad truth that racism is common across all races.

Now, this is something I’d consider a micro aggression. No well meaning, understandable mistake. It’s either hatred or really problematic ignorance.

Anonymous wrote:Just let me vent.
...
Perhaps we should move to Hawaii or somewhere else with major Asian population. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it’s not a contest but I feel like the anti-Black casual racism I face is just so much more offensive and undeniable. Someone trying to be nice and speak to me in my own language but guessing my nationality wrong is simply not a sign of deep hatred. People thinking you smell because it totally seems that a smell is coming right from you might not have anything to do your nationality. I never, ever thought I would question someone else’s claim to experiencing micro aggressions, but these examples…I don’t know.

But it’s not the kid’s “own language.” The kid’s own language is English because he’s American. His nationality is also American.

But he thought it was. He does not have the same information inside his head as you have inside your head. And the mistake he made was not that much of a leap. This is DC where a lot of people wish to raise their children to be bilingual. If I think of my closest neighbors with children, 4/5 of the families are raising their children with their parents’ first language (2 Spanish, 1 Vietnamese, 1 Korean) and English. It is not at all unusual to meet a child who speaks another language. This is not remotely difficult to understand. You cannot take another person’s perspective? You can’t be logical? You are not a victim. People make mistakes.

Why would he assume the kid’s language was not English? Oh right, because he’s Asian. So he made two faux pas: he assumed the child was not American because of his race, and then he incorrectly identified the Asian ethnicity of the child. Even if this guy isn’t racist, he’s a freaking moron.

Anonymous wrote:I mean this is just how life is when you’re non white, yes even in such a “well educated” area as the DMV where white people pride themselves on having traveled to 67 countries. And all the ppl telling you NBD, you’re searching for something to be mad about — 99% are prob white and have never dealt with this stuff a day in their lives.

Anonymous wrote:I love being a white man.