Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 14:49     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
I hear a lot of bitter stay at home moms who aren't expressing their needs to their partners. If you need him to pick up dinner on the way home, ask him to. If you need some alone time when he gets home let him know and go... What the hell is stopping you?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 14:47     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.


Ok let’s call a spade a spade.

Having out yourself for 30-60 minutes when you have household, children, meal, planning responsibilities is exactly what it is: Dodging responsibilities

Now, if you have autism and are constantly overwhelmed and fatigued and giving your 5-6 hours of energy only to work, then get therapy. Then come to agreement that the only way you function is with big breaks throughout the day. Sorry spouse! Sorry kids!


You think taking 30 minutes to yourself is dodging responsibilities? You sounds angry and weird, which would be consistent with that. PP said that she suggests her DH take a little break before coming home to decompress. That seems like a nice idea. Is it better to come in refreshed and ready to be present with the kids? Or to stick with the martyrdom and coming in ready to be angry at everyone?

Also, not everyone has some middle manager fed or NGO job where the only stress is boredom. Some people have really hectic or stressful jobs, and taking a little time to decompress makes a lot of sense.

But the wife is at home after *also* working all day and is also cooking dinner and watching YOUR kids while you sit and have a Pepsi and watch YouTube in a parking lot. It’s shirking responsibility. Are you giving your wife 60 minutes of alone time once you get home? Probably not.


She can get her quiet time from 11pm to midnight. I go to bed at 8pm. Kids can deal.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 14:46     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.


Ok let’s call a spade a spade.

Having out yourself for 30-60 minutes when you have household, children, meal, planning responsibilities is exactly what it is: Dodging responsibilities

Now, if you have autism and are constantly overwhelmed and fatigued and giving your 5-6 hours of energy only to work, then get therapy. Then come to agreement that the only way you function is with big breaks throughout the day. Sorry spouse! Sorry kids!



A womans attitude like this would make me live in a parking lot not just sit there for 30 minutes....


Maybe all the parents will do just that.

Sit in a quiet car and hire a sitter for their kids at 5-6pm.

Coolio.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 14:45     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
I hate of the extroverted spouse always has to be the one to get their way.. . There are hundreds of articles forcing introverts to be more extroverted and tips to help us.... I have yet to read an article that tells extroverts to chill the f out and give people some space.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 14:45     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
I think there's honestly just going to be people that don't understand that some of us need quiet solitude along from anyone as a way to recharge.... It is not enough for me to be in my bedroom with the door shut because I can hear the chaos on the other side and kids. Knocking.... That is not peaceful or refreshing to me...
Some people thrive on chaos and love go go go, of us who do not are trying to carve out ways that we can still be functional, loving members of our family, and hold down stressful jobs... Please leave us the hell alone and stop tracking our every move
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 13:47     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plausible. I sit in my car when I need alone time. Listen to music. Game on my phone. Any odd call records?


Same. It’s the only time I have to myself. I’ve even sat in my driveway for 10+ minutes just to regroup before entering the craziness of a home with young kids.



Yep. I finish up podcasts and play on my phone.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 13:34     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.


Ok let’s call a spade a spade.

Having out yourself for 30-60 minutes when you have household, children, meal, planning responsibilities is exactly what it is: Dodging responsibilities

Now, if you have autism and are constantly overwhelmed and fatigued and giving your 5-6 hours of energy only to work, then get therapy. Then come to agreement that the only way you function is with big breaks throughout the day. Sorry spouse! Sorry kids!


You think taking 30 minutes to yourself is dodging responsibilities? You sounds angry and weird, which would be consistent with that. PP said that she suggests her DH take a little break before coming home to decompress. That seems like a nice idea. Is it better to come in refreshed and ready to be present with the kids? Or to stick with the martyrdom and coming in ready to be angry at everyone?

Also, not everyone has some middle manager fed or NGO job where the only stress is boredom. Some people have really hectic or stressful jobs, and taking a little time to decompress makes a lot of sense.

But the wife is at home after *also* working all day and is also cooking dinner and watching YOUR kids while you sit and have a Pepsi and watch YouTube in a parking lot. It’s shirking responsibility. Are you giving your wife 60 minutes of alone time once you get home? Probably not.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 13:30     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.


Ok let’s call a spade a spade.

Having out yourself for 30-60 minutes when you have household, children, meal, planning responsibilities is exactly what it is: Dodging responsibilities

Now, if you have autism and are constantly overwhelmed and fatigued and giving your 5-6 hours of energy only to work, then get therapy. Then come to agreement that the only way you function is with big breaks throughout the day. Sorry spouse! Sorry kids!



A womans attitude like this would make me live in a parking lot not just sit there for 30 minutes....
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 13:25     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.


Ok let’s call a spade a spade.

Having out yourself for 30-60 minutes when you have household, children, meal, planning responsibilities is exactly what it is: Dodging responsibilities

Now, if you have autism and are constantly overwhelmed and fatigued and giving your 5-6 hours of energy only to work, then get therapy. Then come to agreement that the only way you function is with big breaks throughout the day. Sorry spouse! Sorry kids!


You think taking 30 minutes to yourself is dodging responsibilities? You sounds angry and weird, which would be consistent with that. PP said that she suggests her DH take a little break before coming home to decompress. That seems like a nice idea. Is it better to come in refreshed and ready to be present with the kids? Or to stick with the martyrdom and coming in ready to be angry at everyone?

Also, not everyone has some middle manager fed or NGO job where the only stress is boredom. Some people have really hectic or stressful jobs, and taking a little time to decompress makes a lot of sense.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 13:05     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
*Hanging out by yourself
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 13:04     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.


Ok let’s call a spade a spade.

Having out yourself for 30-60 minutes when you have household, children, meal, planning responsibilities is exactly what it is: Dodging responsibilities

Now, if you have autism and are constantly overwhelmed and fatigued and giving your 5-6 hours of energy only to work, then get therapy. Then come to agreement that the only way you function is with big breaks throughout the day. Sorry spouse! Sorry kids!
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 12:16     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?


DP. Do you not understand, PP? Being at home is part of the problem, when one is trying to decompress between work and home. Hard to watch movies as a calming break, if kids are coming in and wanting attention, or spouse is asking questions about household things, etc. That is why "Can't they watch movies at home?" is unhelpful. Home itself is a reason for the need to decompress, sometimes, for some people. And that's OK, if watching movies in the car for a while helps a person walk in the front door at home calmer and more relaxed, and readier to deal with the kids, dinner, questions, etc.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 11:24     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:I tell my husband to do this on his way home. He literally pulls over into a parking lot and watches movies to wind down from his day. He comes home so much calmer.



What kind of movies would have him coming home "so much calmer?" Serious question. Can't they watch movies at home?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 11:21     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He was parking there after bad days at work. He didn’t want to tell me because knew it wasn’t fair, but also knew once he got home he’d be bombarded by life (kids mostly, but also me just wanting to catch up after the day.) He’s not upset about the tracking. I’m not upset with him. We’ve devised a plan for the next time either of us needs a break, and a code word for when either of us just needs to be left alone for a bit once he/we get home.


Sounds like you have a good plan in place now


What do you mean "it was not fair?" What was not fair about it? He needed to decompress, so he says. Who wants to work all day and then come home to be bombarded by a stay at home spouse?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2023 10:20     Subject: Why would he be in a random parking lot?
Unless there is reason to suspect your spouse is cheating -- tracking them is hovering too much. No detail about family life should be sooo important that tracking them becomes normal. Who cares what he's doing? Not your business. He should never have to tell you. He/She doesn't need to justify it.