Anonymous wrote:Holidays are here again and I'm sad. My 2 daughters were very close growing up but they haven't talked in 7 years. Ugly things were said by both in different ways that can't be taken back or worked through. I have always been a "fixer" but this is unfixable. We have 4 grandchildren from oldest who we are very close to. My youngest daughter hasn't met the 2 youngest grandkids. When the separation happened, the kids were kept away. Younger daughter lives in another town so we only see her when we go to visit. She has too much anxiety to come back to her home or hometown. Religion, sexuality, politics, everything that can be disagreed on, they do. We are in the middle, loving them both. Lots of therapy on my part did help but the sadness of the family togetherness we won't have, escalates during the holidays. I don't talk about either to the other and it's so weird. We never thought this would be our life. I'm sad for both of them and my grandkids. They are all missing out on so much because they are all such great loving, kind people and I just pray that someday LOVE will be enough for them to reconcile and not wait until one of us is on out deathbeds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other. We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships. It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again. The favored siblings are narcissistic. The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family. My parents continue to escalate and play favorites. Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings. Partial boundaries haven't worked.

It may sound harsh, but remember your parents will die. Whenever my parents made me angry or hurt, I asked myself if I wanted to feel like this when they were gone. It led me to radical acceptance, which gave me peace to stay above it all. Now they are dead and I am so thankful I took the high road and focused on the positive. Dwelling on hurt wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. I am glad I woke up in time. Sending love, patience and hope to you.

Anonymous wrote:25 year marriage and I have to finally admit it is over. Even if we don't divorce, I'm alone, and have been for almost the entire 25 years because he is emotionally checked out of everything. Yes, I was one of the stupid, naive ones. Don't bash me. I didn't know anything.

Generational trauma hit my children hard, and two of them are struggling mightily, with their issues also causing a rift between them, which is a unique type of heartache that I can't explain. They used to be best friends and it's painful as hell to see what is happening and not be able to fix it.

Feeling guilt above all else. I, too, had major trauma as a child and didn't understand until very recently how it would affect my children despite my best efforts. 20 years too late. I hate myself for it.

I'm heartbroken, lonely as hell, angry, depressed, and scared for our future as a family. I would lay down my life for my family, but knowing there isn't much I can do because I'm stupid and figuring it all out too late is killing me. Literally.

I Barely stop crying to "put on the face" and be around people. My eyes are perpetually swollen and makeup isn't cutting it anymore. Dreading the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:Suicidal thoughts. I don’t have a plan but the thoughts are haunting me. I have small children and I feel so trapped.

DS has SN. He’s huge and fast and strong at age 5 but has the mental understanding and maturity of a 2/3 year old. 2/3 is an age that I hate and completely suck at and I feel like we’ve been in the same place for 3 years. I’m scared he may be stuck this age forever.

I’m just so sad and lonely and tired and life does not feel worth living anymore. I feel like the best days are behind me and it will never get better.

Anonymous wrote:Suicidal thoughts. I don’t have a plan but the thoughts are haunting me. I have small children and I feel so trapped.

DS has SN. He’s huge and fast and strong at age 5 but has the mental understanding and maturity of a 2/3 year old. 2/3 is an age that I hate and completely suck at and I feel like we’ve been in the same place for 3 years. I’m scared he may be stuck this age forever.

I’m just so sad and lonely and tired and life does not feel worth living anymore. I feel like the best days are behind me and it will never get better.

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Anonymous wrote:I visited Florida for the first time last week and felt deeply unhappy and lonely there. I'm an immigrant from Europe and always felt fine in DC and other states I've visited, but FL was inexplicably depressive.

I would check your diagnoses for depression. I am also from Europe and have been to different parts of Florida several times. There are a lot of European immigrants in Florida.

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Anonymous wrote:25 year marriage is millimeters from falling over the rail.
Expenses are skyrocketing and income has never been lower.
Assets are not selling.
There’s a pressure in my chest that will occasionally radiate into my left arm.
I have a molar that needs to come out and I can’t afford to do so.

PLEASE find a way to get your tooth taken care of. I don’t mean to scare you, but something similar happened to a friend. He got an infection from a bad tooth— it turned sepsis and he died (extremely suddenly) at the age of 26. Again, I don’t mean to scare you, but it can turn dangerous really fast. Best of luck.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was basically born hating me and has been super independent since birth. It’s really getting awful now that she’s 15 but as long as she’s been alive she’s never really wanted parents. I’ve done my own personal therapy and she had her own therapist she sees weekly and we have a family therapist we see weekly. I’ve had a parent coach. I’ve gone to classes. I’ve read all the books (so has DH).

She’s had a neuropsych exam ($$$$) that found nothing. I was really hoping we could find some answers.

To me it’s heart breaking. It’s like she never attached to us despite me being a SAHM, loving her so much, doing all the activities with her at all stages, taking her on special mommy and me trips, coming to all her games and supporting her interests. Today she reminded me “I hate you”.

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Anonymous wrote:37F and I think I'm too skinny (5'3", 108 lbs), but the compliments keep rolling in. I've never been this thin in my whole adult life. You can see the outline of my breastbone. Men irl hit on me more than they ever have before. The positive reinforcement is intoxicating. My orthostatic hypotension is so bad that my whole field of vision goes black for 7-10 seconds nearly every time I stand up, which is very annoying. I should try to gain some weight, but I'll miss the compliments.

Get your thyroid checked. You may be hyperthyroid.

Anonymous wrote:I am wasting my life on my phone. I’m trying to get back into the workforce after some years at home with kids, but they’re all in school now and I’m having trouble finding a job in my field (I know I need to make adjustments), so I spend hours upon hours scrolling. It’s not even fun scrolling. I can’t make myself stop. It’s infecting everything and making me hate myself. I don’t even want to admit to others how much time I log just consuming crappy content.

I realize the irony in posting this online.

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Anonymous wrote:Much love to you all.

My DIL has not spoken to me in over a year except to ask for money. For the last 3 years we have picked up the tab for Christmas. Not that we're counting but over $20,000 in that time. That includes birthdays. And all we got was a picture of them dressed up to go to church. And it looked like an old picture. No video of our grandchild opening gifts, no Merry Christmas, nothing. She "forgot". We're still waiting for any pictures. Son doesn't say anything except make excuses.
I have decided not to fund this year. I just can't give to people that only know me when they want something. And I feel like a pos for what I'm going to do.

do they ask for the money?
if they ask you could just say you can't manage it this year. you don't have to tell them it's bc they're ungrateful.

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Anonymous wrote:I love my kids so so much and they're so adorable and such sweet ages. But I am overwhelmed most of the time that I'm with them. Just cooking dinner, getting them to sit for dinner, brushing teeth, etc is all a major struggle. I look over and they're rolling on the floor either fighting or tickling each other. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Give yourself some grace. In the before times, I often felt like this. It's normal to feel this way. Hope you can get a break. Hugs.