Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 16:25     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).


OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.


I know you won’t believe me or anyone else, but some men truly do want friendship as part of an affair. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. Yes, many men are only after sex, but not all.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 16:23     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).


OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 16:15     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 16:01     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


This is what the wife of every cheating husband tells herself. It’s the only way to take some of the sting and indignity away from having the love of your life betray you. But what you need to understand is that if he’s cheating on you, he does not love you. He make like his set up with you and the kids, but it’s not love in the same sense as you’re perceiving it or hoping he reciprocates.


And that's what the every cheating Ho OW says to make her self feel special and not like a used tissue after he throws her under the bus. Lol


You’re wrong on what you think my intentions are. I’m not a cheater nor is my husband to my knowledge. I’m sorry yours cheated on you. That wasn’t cool of him to do after promising to love, honor, and cherish you in front of your friends and family. You need to have more respect for yourself, certainly more than your husband has for you.


I’m not married. I have friends who have been through this firsthand. Some divorced, some didn’t, but all were forever changed by it.


Forever changed how?
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:46     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
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Anonymous wrote:I'll tell my story. I was 22 and completely love bombed by a guy who was 30. He was wealthy and enjoyed spoiling me. I was naive and thought he was single. The apartment that he brought me to wasnt his full time place but you'd never know based on how lived in it looked. He had a job where having to cancel last minute or having to work on the weekends was an easy and believable excuse. In the 6 months before I found out, I met coworkers and friends (though looking back they were clearly the type to encourage his behavior). We even went on a 10 day vacation

When I found out he was married I completely fell for the whole "shes evil" "shes making getting a divorce so hard" etc lines. And I hated her. I didn't wish anything bad on her but I genuinely hated her and her inability to let him go. I believed every single lie he fed me.

Well, eventually she found out. We had been together for just under a year. I got several nasty Facebook messages from her and her friends as well as confirmation she wasn't the evil C that he'd made her out to be. After I finally accepted the situation for what it was, I felt so guilty. I never responded to her. I deleted all socials for awhile because I was afraid of them contacting me again. Even when I ended things, he still tried to convince me he was innocent in all of it.

I got therapy (well my best friend insisted on it) before I got into another relationship because I knew I had to work on my own issues with how easily I believed all his lies.

I'm 37 now and happily married. I have no idea how things turned out for them. I hope she divorced him because looking back now I can see how narcisstic and toxic he was.


That’s what I’m talking about—hating a woman you truly don’t know and know nothing about—only that she’s married to the guy you are banging. Like the op, you were young and naive and fooled. This is different then these people on websites and actively looking for married men.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:44     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


This is what the wife of every cheating husband tells herself. It’s the only way to take some of the sting and indignity away from having the love of your life betray you. But what you need to understand is that if he’s cheating on you, he does not love you. He make like his set up with you and the kids, but it’s not love in the same sense as you’re perceiving it or hoping he reciprocates.


And that's what the every cheating Ho OW says to make her self feel special and not like a used tissue after he throws her under the bus. Lol


You’re wrong on what you think my intentions are. I’m not a cheater nor is my husband to my knowledge. I’m sorry yours cheated on you. That wasn’t cool of him to do after promising to love, honor, and cherish you in front of your friends and family. You need to have more respect for yourself, certainly more than your husband has for you.


I’m not married. I have friends who have been through this firsthand. Some divorced, some didn’t, but all were forever changed by it.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:35     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


This is what the wife of every cheating husband tells herself. It’s the only way to take some of the sting and indignity away from having the love of your life betray you. But what you need to understand is that if he’s cheating on you, he does not love you. He make like his set up with you and the kids, but it’s not love in the same sense as you’re perceiving it or hoping he reciprocates.


And that's what the every cheating Ho OW says to make her self feel special and not like a used tissue after he throws her under the bus. Lol


You’re wrong on what you think my intentions are. I’m not a cheater nor is my husband to my knowledge. I’m sorry yours cheated on you. That wasn’t cool of him to do after promising to love, honor, and cherish you in front of your friends and family. You need to have more respect for yourself, certainly more than your husband has for you.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:34     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
I'll tell my story. I was 22 and completely love bombed by a guy who was 30. He was wealthy and enjoyed spoiling me. I was naive and thought he was single. The apartment that he brought me to wasnt his full time place but you'd never know based on how lived in it looked. He had a job where having to cancel last minute or having to work on the weekends was an easy and believable excuse. In the 6 months before I found out, I met coworkers and friends (though looking back they were clearly the type to encourage his behavior). We even went on a 10 day vacation

When I found out he was married I completely fell for the whole "shes evil" "shes making getting a divorce so hard" etc lines. And I hated her. I didn't wish anything bad on her but I genuinely hated her and her inability to let him go. I believed every single lie he fed me.

Well, eventually she found out. We had been together for just under a year. I got several nasty Facebook messages from her and her friends as well as confirmation she wasn't the evil C that he'd made her out to be. After I finally accepted the situation for what it was, I felt so guilty. I never responded to her. I deleted all socials for awhile because I was afraid of them contacting me again. Even when I ended things, he still tried to convince me he was innocent in all of it.

I got therapy (well my best friend insisted on it) before I got into another relationship because I knew I had to work on my own issues with how easily I believed all his lies.

I'm 37 now and happily married. I have no idea how things turned out for them. I hope she divorced him because looking back now I can see how narcisstic and toxic he was.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:23     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:I had an affair with a married man when I was 19 and he was nearly 30. He didn't have kids yet but had been married a while. I think I was young and immature and didn't once think of his wife. Not once. I did cut it off because even though I didn't think once of his wife, I knew this was wrong and had zero future anyway. He ended up having kids with her and then divorcing after moving out of the area, then later on remarried and seems to be living a happy life. As a married woman now, I am horrified to think that I a) had no moral compass back then and b) perhaps helped break up a marriage but the marriage already had problems. I may have been the catalyst for its eventual demise but there were already cracks in that foundation and my guess is he went on to have other affairs anyway.


You were 19. Give yourself a break. You are a good person simply because of the fact you recognized this and you didn't repeat it. You also had not had the experience of kids/marriage, etc. Your morals are sound. This is much different than a middle aged person knowing dating someone married, whether married or single themselves. These are seasoned people that know what goes into a marriage and family and what it can do to kids and another person in a long marriage.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:18     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
I had an affair with a married man when I was 19 and he was nearly 30. He didn't have kids yet but had been married a while. I think I was young and immature and didn't once think of his wife. Not once. I did cut it off because even though I didn't think once of his wife, I knew this was wrong and had zero future anyway. He ended up having kids with her and then divorcing after moving out of the area, then later on remarried and seems to be living a happy life. As a married woman now, I am horrified to think that I a) had no moral compass back then and b) perhaps helped break up a marriage but the marriage already had problems. I may have been the catalyst for its eventual demise but there were already cracks in that foundation and my guess is he went on to have other affairs anyway.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:16     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


This is what the wife of every cheating husband tells herself. It’s the only way to take some of the sting and indignity away from having the love of your life betray you. But what you need to understand is that if he’s cheating on you, he does not love you. He make like his set up with you and the kids, but it’s not love in the same sense as you’re perceiving it or hoping he reciprocates.


And that's what the every cheating Ho OW says to make her self feel special and not like a used tissue after he throws her under the bus. Lol
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 15:06     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


This is what the wife of every cheating husband tells herself. It’s the only way to take some of the sting and indignity away from having the love of your life betray you. But what you need to understand is that if he’s cheating on you, he does not love you. He make like his set up with you and the kids, but it’s not love in the same sense as you’re perceiving it or hoping he reciprocates.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 14:36     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


Not always. You make a lot of assumptions and generalizations.

My own DH struggled immensely after his affair ended and it seemed like he did not separate sex and love.

I know it is hard to accept, but many times there are feelings involved in affairs.


That's way more uncommon with men. Is your husband kind of a wimpy beta? SO much cheating out there and most men are joking about it and bragging and it's about notches on the wall with their friends. See so many throw them under the bus when it's too much trouble or she starts putting on pressure.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 13:43     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.


Not always. You make a lot of assumptions and generalizations.

My own DH struggled immensely after his affair ended and it seemed like he did not separate sex and love.

I know it is hard to accept, but many times there are feelings involved in affairs.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2023 13:38     Subject: If you had an affair with a married person
Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.


I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.