Anonymous wrote:
I feel no shame, because I bear no responsibility. Firstly, we're all assuming Heather killed herself. For all we know, she got hit by a car or something. Secondly, adults are responsible for themselves. Heather had health insurance, family and friends - she had access to all the resources for blocking any site that talked about her online. Again, if you don't want to read things about yourself, you make a choice to avoid them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

This is such a rube’s take. It was and is ALL garbage, and the curation by Dooce was as extreme as a Millenial-pink swathed latte-addict travel blogger. ALL of the OG bloggers eventually had their houses of cards fall down. It was all always bullshit to seem so rill like wine mom with mastitis really rill. It’s all so goddamned dumb, and that’s fine, but it’s not exactly writing. And the Cool Girl who was actually a rill mess is fundamentally boring, which is the saddest thing of all.

If anyone is trying to pull of "Cool Girl" here, it's you -- trying to convince people who were genuinely moved by Armstrong's writing that they simply have no taste, that they were fooled by the photos (as though taking compelling photos of home life is not in itself an art form), that if we were all just a little more discerning, we'd see through it all.

You are mistaking criticism for judgment and speaking without even a hint of humility. Dooce, at her best, engaged in something that too few writers today are willing to touch -- vulnerability. She was willing to expose her own ugliness to the world, and comment on it, and had the gaul not to be embarrassed by it. It liberated many of us who had spent entire lives hiding our ugliness, believing it to be unfeminine and embarrassing. Turns out it was just our humanity, is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

This is such a rube’s take. It was and is ALL garbage, and the curation by Dooce was as extreme as a Millenial-pink swathed latte-addict travel blogger. ALL of the OG bloggers eventually had their houses of cards fall down. It was all always bullshit to seem so rill like wine mom with mastitis really rill. It’s all so goddamned dumb, and that’s fine, but it’s not exactly writing. And the Cool Girl who was actually a rill mess is fundamentally boring, which is the saddest thing of all.

If anyone is trying to pull of "Cool Girl" here, it's you -- trying to convince people who were genuinely moved by Armstrong's writing that they simply have no taste, that they were fooled by the photos (as though taking compelling photos of home life is not in itself an art form), that if we were all just a little more discerning, we'd see through it all.

You are mistaking criticism for judgment and speaking without even a hint of humility. Dooce, at her best, engaged in something that too few writers today are willing to touch -- vulnerability. She was willing to expose her own ugliness to the world, and comment on it, and had the gaul not to be embarrassed by it. It liberated many of us who had spent entire lives hiding our ugliness, believing it to be unfeminine and embarrassing. Turns out it was just our humanity, is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So on top of all the time spent here, you all really spend a lot of time reading poorly written half truths about women’s lives. I cannot believe how seriously people take bloggers like this. I can’t believe it is therapeutic or helpful in any way.

It was honestly a "you had to be there moment". The internet was SUCH a different place in 2009 than it is today. There wasn't social media! Blogs connected people. You found one you liked, you read their recommended blogs, and their recommended blogs, and it felt like this home grown community.

Some of the women writing then were just journaling their lives. Some were real writers who were empowered by the freedom to self publish their thoughts. Some were a combination of all of it.

It changed the way women talk about motherhood and parenting, that much is for sure. So while you can criticize and dismiss, the work of many of these women was really important in our cultural narrative. And love her or hate her, Dooce played an absolutely huge role in that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

This is such a rube’s take. It was and is ALL garbage, and the curation by Dooce was as extreme as a Millenial-pink swathed latte-addict travel blogger. ALL of the OG bloggers eventually had their houses of cards fall down. It was all always bullshit to seem so rill like wine mom with mastitis really rill. It’s all so goddamned dumb, and that’s fine, but it’s not exactly writing. And the Cool Girl who was actually a rill mess is fundamentally boring, which is the saddest thing of all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

This is such a rube’s take. It was and is ALL garbage, and the curation by Dooce was as extreme as a Millenial-pink swathed latte-addict travel blogger. ALL of the OG bloggers eventually had their houses of cards fall down. It was all always bullshit to seem so rill like wine mom with mastitis really rill. It’s all so goddamned dumb, and that’s fine, but it’s not exactly writing. And the Cool Girl who was actually a rill mess is fundamentally boring, which is the saddest thing of all.

If anyone is trying to pull of "Cool Girl" here, it's you -- trying to convince people who were genuinely moved by Armstrong's writing that they simply have no taste, that they were fooled by the photos (as though taking compelling photos of home life is not in itself an art form), that if we were all just a little more discerning, we'd see through it all.

You are mistaking criticism for judgment and speaking without even a hint of humility. Dooce, at her best, engaged in something that too few writers today are willing to touch -- vulnerability. She was willing to expose her own ugliness to the world, and comment on it, and had the gaul not to be embarrassed by it. It liberated many of us who had spent entire lives hiding our ugliness, believing it to be unfeminine and embarrassing. Turns out it was just our humanity, is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

This is such a rube’s take. It was and is ALL garbage, and the curation by Dooce was as extreme as a Millenial-pink swathed latte-addict travel blogger. ALL of the OG bloggers eventually had their houses of cards fall down. It was all always bullshit to seem so rill like wine mom with mastitis really rill. It’s all so goddamned dumb, and that’s fine, but it’s not exactly writing. And the Cool Girl who was actually a rill mess is fundamentally boring, which is the saddest thing of all.

If anyone is trying to pull of "Cool Girl" here, it's you -- trying to convince people who were genuinely moved by Armstrong's writing that they simply have no taste, that they were fooled by the photos (as though taking compelling photos of home life is not in itself an art form), that if we were all just a little more discerning, we'd see through it all.

You are mistaking criticism for judgment and speaking without even a hint of humility. Dooce, at her best, engaged in something that too few writers today are willing to touch -- vulnerability. She was willing to expose her own ugliness to the world, and comment on it, and had the gaul not to be embarrassed by it. It liberated many of us who had spent entire lives hiding our ugliness, believing it to be unfeminine and embarrassing. Turns out it was just our humanity, is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

This is such a rube’s take. It was and is ALL garbage, and the curation by Dooce was as extreme as a Millenial-pink swathed latte-addict travel blogger. ALL of the OG bloggers eventually had their houses of cards fall down. It was all always bullshit to seem so rill like wine mom with mastitis really rill. It’s all so goddamned dumb, and that’s fine, but it’s not exactly writing. And the Cool Girl who was actually a rill mess is fundamentally boring, which is the saddest thing of all.

Anonymous wrote:Give me vintage dooce any day over today's carefully curated influencers with staged photos that hide all the imperfections and make normal people feel inferior.

I remember thinking dooce was a little like the Erma Bombeck whose humor columns about homemaking and kids I grew up reading, except more sped up and modern and with a lot more cursing and dogs.

Girls Gone Child was another blog I used to follow. She wrote a Peter Pan movie, and her husband died of cancer, and she's raising her kids alone now. Mighty Girl was another one that's long since disappeared. Momversation. The Bloggie awards. I like the Cory Doctorow quote the PP above wrote. It started off really nice, as a community.

The Sound of Music kids grew up to write about how their nanny exploited them. Child actors get their money taken by their parents all the time. There really should be rules about what you are and aren't allowed to publish online or on social media. That said, at what point is the experience your kids and at what point is it your own, as a parent? There is value to writing about the ins-and-outs of raising children -- I know because I used to get good tips from some of those old blogs. Sure, you keep the most sensitive info to yourself or discuss with friends. But we're not, and shouldn't be, banning books with stories about raising kids in them.

I think now, 20 (?) years after it all started, some of those old time bloggers should get together and write a proposed set of standards for mommy and daddy blogging, based on the fallout from their own experiences. I think people would find it useful!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So on top of all the time spent here, you all really spend a lot of time reading poorly written half truths about women’s lives. I cannot believe how seriously people take bloggers like this. I can’t believe it is therapeutic or helpful in any way.

What she did wasn’t really writing, it was preening. I’m so sorry she passed. However, and her lunatic fans will freak — none of her shtick would have worked but for her initial happy life, thinness, prettiness. The writing was never there, she is not Mary Carr or Leslie Jamison. It always required pictures and cool-girl blasé bullshit balanced with meltdowns. It was always stupid and squawking and without much to it, all hat and no cattle. But it gave a lot of ugly comfort to some women, as they were less divorced. Less f’ed up. Less drunk. Less scrutinized. And so forth. It was always gross, but it netted Armstrong a lot of money. I wish she’d found some medication and therapeutic plan that actually worked for her. I don’t actually think she’s more gifted than the banal, stupid Jo from Cup of Jo. But Jo was luckier.

I know Heather was complicated and imperfect, but her writing at her peak was incredible. Hilarious and raw and intense. It hasn't been the same in the last 10 years, but those early years when she had babies? It was brillant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 58, so about 10 years older than Dooce, and I remember reading her posts many years ago when my children were little. What some of you young uns might not realize is what a pathbreaker she was when she started her blog. In the mid-2000's, there was no tradition of women even talking publicly about how hard parenting can be, how it affects your identity and self esteem, your marriage.

No wine moms. The term 'sanctimommy' hadn't been coined yet. There was no word to describe the ways that some women managed to make you feel bad about yourself when they competed with you on the parenting front.

I got married at age 29 and came of age when those terrible articles were everywhere about infertility and 'if you aren't married by the time you are thirty you are more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to have a child.' We were grateful that our husbands 'let us' work, and didn't dare ask for any sort of equal parenting. My girlfriends and I used to joke about our 'stealth jobs' that we did while our kids were in school but never letting on to our kids' teachers that we actually had jobs. We watched that trial on TV of the nanny who killed her charge and watched that scandal where the day care center was accused of conducting ritualized satanic abuse.

We were encouraged to believe that we could do it all and have it all. Being a mom was referred to as 'the toughest job you'll ever love.'

In short, there was NOWHERE to go to find a voice like hers -- that said things like "some days I wonder if I've made a mistake. it's scary being responsible for these little people, their psyches, etc." or 'I wonder who I am or if I'm ever going to find myself again.' These are sentiments that some of you may have encountered routinely when you had little kids, but at the time Heather was writing, these things were not said. And she said them. and helped us all to feel less alone. To be okay with our imperfections, with being imperfect, with being scared.

Her writing meant a lot to a lot of people of my generation. She paved the way for a lot of what you see routinely today on Tik Tok and elsewhere -- the one upping mom (she's awful!), the wealthy lady who doesn't understand what your problem is, etc. Probably this site. Anyway, I'll miss her.

It would have been so much better if she simply wrote about it all more anonymously and left out photos of her girls and their names. She could have simply gone by Dooce and had an avatar or something. She did something useful and also incredibly destructive. She helped people feel less alone and also helped inspire more moms to exploit their children for fame and fortune.

Hindsight is 20/20. I don't think there was intent to exploit her children. I will say that some people are more vulnerable to the effects of social media and its audience. Some people should not be creating it or consuming it. Eg certain personality types, those with mental health issues.

I agree with this and will expand that for those of us who fall into this category, who are very negatively impacted by social media, we had NO IDEA that would be the result of any of this back in the early 00s when we started blogging and posting. First off, it wasn't so public then -- the audience of people looking at these blogs or engaging with early-era social media was miniscule. It truly did feel like community. It was raw and honest but not public in the way the internet is now public. It was like going to a local meet up or joining a book club -- yes, you were putting yourself out there, but in a way that felt small and controlled.

People like Dooce learned in real time, along with everyone else, what the downsides were and what could happen if you "put yourself out there" on the internet. Her starting her blog in 2001 is not the same as someone aspiring to be an influencer in 2023.

People expressed skepticism about putting your life online for strangers even in the early 00s. Some people just chose to ignore that. But that risk was always there and always discussed.

People express skepticism about everything everyone does. Discerning between wise caution on the one hand and, on the other, people just talking shit about stuff they know nothing about is the eternal challenge of the Internet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like an OG internet person knowing Dooce, GOMI, Alice (Party Pants), etc. I found GOMI because of Julia Allison.

Yes! Julia Allison, Jessica Quirk & Kath Eats!

So many witty comments back then.

Party Pants was the queen of mean.

DP and this is unlocking so many memories. "Sarah had two tacos but I only had one."

OMG! When I read Kath's name I was JUST GOING TO SAY THIS!!! Couldn't remember the exact quote but great pull!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So on top of all the time spent here, you all really spend a lot of time reading poorly written half truths about women’s lives. I cannot believe how seriously people take bloggers like this. I can’t believe it is therapeutic or helpful in any way.

What she did wasn’t really writing, it was preening. I’m so sorry she passed. However, and her lunatic fans will freak — none of her shtick would have worked but for her initial happy life, thinness, prettiness. The writing was never there, she is not Mary Carr or Leslie Jamison. It always required pictures and cool-girl blasé bullshit balanced with meltdowns. It was always stupid and squawking and without much to it, all hat and no cattle. But it gave a lot of ugly comfort to some women, as they were less divorced. Less f’ed up. Less drunk. Less scrutinized. And so forth. It was always gross, but it netted Armstrong a lot of money. I wish she’d found some medication and therapeutic plan that actually worked for her. I don’t actually think she’s more gifted than the banal, stupid Jo from Cup of Jo. But Jo was luckier.