OP - instead of uselessly yelling into the void, why don’t you do something that might actually make a difference. If you think parents and babysitters are going to listen to your plea,l look around and ask yourself how well we did as a society with masking and vaccinations.

Why not advocate for fully fenced food-free playgrounds with hand washing stations and clear signage?

Your kid has a nut allergy? My friend’s son is deathly allergic to sesame. Try banning hummus with little kids! It’s such a virtuous (vegan! Gluten free!) food that people never consider it’s a top 8 allergen.

Anonymous wrote:New poster here, also with a child with both anaphylactic nut allergy and a hard time gaining weight.

OP you have to do the work yourself, and I’m sorry. Parents—particularly mothers— have very full plates and they can’t take any of your burden onto themselves. But you can find ways to help people help you.

I always go to the park or library with a loaded bag— epis and Benadryl yes but ALSO spare, protein heavy, nice snacks. Horizon makes yogurt pouches, for example. It is much, much easier to approach a parent who is giving her kid a larabar (my child is allergic to cashew) and ask if she wouldn’t mind putting it away when I can *also* show that I realize having a hangry or hypoglycemic kid is a burden for her that *I* have thought of by offering something else. You have to come out of yourself a little bit and it’s so hard because you’re worried about your baby, but the way you’re going to find your people is to show that you care about other babies as well. Hang in there it will get easier!

(And, make sure you’re seeing an allergist who is aggressive on treating allergies— we went from 3 life threatening allergens to 2 which was HUGE for our quality of life)

Thank you for being sane. I really think a lot of the pushback OP is getting is not because people don't want to do reasonable things to keep her kid safe, but because her post (and those from some of the people in the same position) seem to ignore that a lot (most?) parents, especially moms, are truly doing the best they can. I don't have a kid with allergies but I do have a special needs kid. I absolutely do whatever I can to keep other kids safe, whenever I'm aware of an allergy I do what I need to do to make sure we don't unintentionally expose the child, and we of course wash up after eating anything at the playground and also remind our kid about not walking around with food or trying to share her snacks.

But yes, my main objection to OP was just the idea that I need to be thinking about her kid in 100% of my decisions. I just can't do that. If someone at the playground told me that a snack we had posed a danger to their kid, of course I'd put it away. But yes, it would be great to be offered an alternative because especially for non-peanut allergies, I might be limited in what I have with me (it's incredibly hard to pack snacks for kids that don't contain at least one of the common allergens).

As a parent of a kid with SN, I know about the balance of advocating for your child while also recognizing that there are limits to what you can ask of others, and that sometimes you need to ready to remove your kid from a situation, or take extra steps to help others accommodate your child. It's hard. But it's good to remember everyone is trying and most people are stretched thin, and most of the time people aren't going out of their way to make your life difficult, they are just doing their best. Giving a little good will is a great way to get some back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

My kid grew out of FPIES (thankfully) but EOE is a related disease as well as Mast Cell issues. She is doing everyone with kids who experience food allergies a BIG disservice. My kid knows what he cannot eat (since there are other allergies besides his now outgrown FPIES) and if there is a treat, we provide it. During taste tests in pre-K, he would be left out and we got videos of these taste tests. It sucks but we talked it over and he knows that he cant eat it- its for his safety.
I cant replace everything with a safe food (trust me I have tried) and its not on other kids to modulate their experiences- they dont have any problems with those foods. My kid will have to grow up in a world where all those foods are around him and he cant go vocalizing to every person he meets in a workplace or school or social setting that they have to change what THEY eat based on his limitations.
And being overbearing like that DOES irritate most people and they become less compliant because instead of focusing on 2 or 3 things they want everything minimized. And it does change compliance with requests.

I feel like part of the problem is so many people with sensitivities or preferences make such a federal case out of their sensitivity or preference and it waters down the importance of helping others to avoid TRUE severe allergies. Massive difference between "gluten makes me bloated" or "I don't eat meat because I love animals" or "if I eat too much cheese I'm gassy" and "if I eat a peanut I will literally die".

+1 and this problem is made so much worse by parents who make other adults responsible for policing their child’s food choices! Like a mom will tell me oh Larla can’t have dairy. Ok fine, Larla gets a popsicle. But then she helps herself to two scoops of ice cream and tells me she’s fine! Either teach your child to be responsible for their own food choices or teach them to obey adults better. Don’t force other adults to make sure they are eating what you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

My kid grew out of FPIES (thankfully) but EOE is a related disease as well as Mast Cell issues. She is doing everyone with kids who experience food allergies a BIG disservice. My kid knows what he cannot eat (since there are other allergies besides his now outgrown FPIES) and if there is a treat, we provide it. During taste tests in pre-K, he would be left out and we got videos of these taste tests. It sucks but we talked it over and he knows that he cant eat it- its for his safety.
I cant replace everything with a safe food (trust me I have tried) and its not on other kids to modulate their experiences- they dont have any problems with those foods. My kid will have to grow up in a world where all those foods are around him and he cant go vocalizing to every person he meets in a workplace or school or social setting that they have to change what THEY eat based on his limitations.
And being overbearing like that DOES irritate most people and they become less compliant because instead of focusing on 2 or 3 things they want everything minimized. And it does change compliance with requests.

I feel like part of the problem is so many people with sensitivities or preferences make such a federal case out of their sensitivity or preference and it waters down the importance of helping others to avoid TRUE severe allergies. Massive difference between "gluten makes me bloated" or "I don't eat meat because I love animals" or "if I eat too much cheese I'm gassy" and "if I eat a peanut I will literally die".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

I had a child in our class whose mother said she could not consume gluten. So I got lots of gluten-free snacks. The child, however, insists she can eat tons of stuff with gluten in it that other children in class are eating. I kept telling her no, that’s not a snack approved by your mother, and she would just ignore me and eat it anyway. I have no idea if she is being affected by this, but short of taking them away from her, she just literally doesn’t listen to me. What do parents with allergic children do if their child chooses these things?

This reminds me of my daughter's "vegan" friend who inhaled two slices of pepperoni pizza at a birthday party before I could stop her (I had a frozen vegan pizza I had purchased and baked for her but she got to the other pizza before I could stop her).

New poster here, also with a child with both anaphylactic nut allergy and a hard time gaining weight.

OP you have to do the work yourself, and I’m sorry. Parents—particularly mothers— have very full plates and they can’t take any of your burden onto themselves. But you can find ways to help people help you.

I always go to the park or library with a loaded bag— epis and Benadryl yes but ALSO spare, protein heavy, nice snacks. Horizon makes yogurt pouches, for example. It is much, much easier to approach a parent who is giving her kid a larabar (my child is allergic to cashew) and ask if she wouldn’t mind putting it away when I can *also* show that I realize having a hangry or hypoglycemic kid is a burden for her that *I* have thought of by offering something else. You have to come out of yourself a little bit and it’s so hard because you’re worried about your baby, but the way you’re going to find your people is to show that you care about other babies as well. Hang in there it will get easier!

(And, make sure you’re seeing an allergist who is aggressive on treating allergies— we went from 3 life threatening allergens to 2 which was HUGE for our quality of life)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

My kid grew out of FPIES (thankfully) but EOE is a related disease as well as Mast Cell issues. She is doing everyone with kids who experience food allergies a BIG disservice. My kid knows what he cannot eat (since there are other allergies besides his now outgrown FPIES) and if there is a treat, we provide it. During taste tests in pre-K, he would be left out and we got videos of these taste tests. It sucks but we talked it over and he knows that he cant eat it- its for his safety.
I cant replace everything with a safe food (trust me I have tried) and its not on other kids to modulate their experiences- they dont have any problems with those foods. My kid will have to grow up in a world where all those foods are around him and he cant go vocalizing to every person he meets in a workplace or school or social setting that they have to change what THEY eat based on his limitations.
And being overbearing like that DOES irritate most people and they become less compliant because instead of focusing on 2 or 3 things they want everything minimized. And it does change compliance with requests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

I had a child in our class whose mother said she could not consume gluten. So I got lots of gluten-free snacks. The child, however, insists she can eat tons of stuff with gluten in it that other children in class are eating. I kept telling her no, that’s not a snack approved by your mother, and she would just ignore me and eat it anyway. I have no idea if she is being affected by this, but short of taking them away from her, she just literally doesn’t listen to me. What do parents with allergic children do if their child chooses these things?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely reasonable to ask people to be more aware of the allergy foods they bring/ spread at public places. We do pb&j on the go a lot and this made me think I need to be more mindful to wipe down afterwards. No, op can’t remove all risk from the world but I think awareness is fine and a lot of people are overreacting. If you don’t mind cleaning up after yourself then this shouldn’t be a huge issue.

How are you going to ask everyone at the park that day? Or everyone who visited the park before you? Do you see how this might be unreasonable or unfeasible?

Yes, it would be infeasible to control every element of risk in the environment, which I already said. I do not let that excuse me from making an effort. Just like if I see litter, I pick it up even though I cannot solve all the littering in the world. And I sneeze into my sleeve even though I cannot make everyone in the world do the same. Etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely reasonable to ask people to be more aware of the allergy foods they bring/ spread at public places. We do pb&j on the go a lot and this made me think I need to be more mindful to wipe down afterwards. No, op can’t remove all risk from the world but I think awareness is fine and a lot of people are overreacting. If you don’t mind cleaning up after yourself then this shouldn’t be a huge issue.

I have no issue with wanting people to be more mindful, and personally I try to be. But even if all of us act with the sincerest of intentions, I don’t see it doing much to alleviate OP’s need to be hyper vigilant given the nature of her child’s allergies, because a well-intentioned person can make a mistake and the fact that it was an innocent mistake won’t change her child’s reaction.

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely reasonable to ask people to be more aware of the allergy foods they bring/ spread at public places. We do pb&j on the go a lot and this made me think I need to be more mindful to wipe down afterwards. No, op can’t remove all risk from the world but I think awareness is fine and a lot of people are overreacting. If you don’t mind cleaning up after yourself then this shouldn’t be a huge issue.

NP with a kid with food allergies. I haven't read all the pages, but this, this is what we are asking for. Have your kid wipe their hands after eating food. Doesn't matter what food or what allergens. It's a common courtesy and not hard.

Anonymous wrote:why doesn't the OP have her kid wear a mask so they don't put their hands in their mouth?

Yeah I think a mask and gloves would solve the problem. You won't be able to control what others do OP, the only thing you can do is protect your child.

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely reasonable to ask people to be more aware of the allergy foods they bring/ spread at public places. We do pb&j on the go a lot and this made me think I need to be more mindful to wipe down afterwards. No, op can’t remove all risk from the world but I think awareness is fine and a lot of people are overreacting. If you don’t mind cleaning up after yourself then this shouldn’t be a huge issue.

How are you going to ask everyone at the park that day? Or everyone who visited the park before you? Do you see how this might be unreasonable or unfeasible?

It’s completely reasonable to ask people to be more aware of the allergy foods they bring/ spread at public places. We do pb&j on the go a lot and this made me think I need to be more mindful to wipe down afterwards. No, op can’t remove all risk from the world but I think awareness is fine and a lot of people are overreacting. If you don’t mind cleaning up after yourself then this shouldn’t be a huge issue.