Anonymous wrote:Man, as the poster who hasn't spoken to my father because he didn't couldn't handle me because I was overweight, reading these posts are wild. I thought he was an outlier, but now I see the majority of parents, (mostly women, no surprise) thought just like him. He DAF about me and why I was eating my way to 300lbs. And the more he pressured me, the more I ate. The more he withheld, the more I took, it was a downward spiral that I never emotionally recovered from.

Please OP, take your child to a doctor and stop read all this internet BS. Your DD may have some other issues going on that have nothing to do with food. Me being overweight peppered ever decision I ever made in my entire life and still does to this day even though I have now lost 140lbs. Please seek professional help, not internet folks who don't know the details of your situation.

I am so sorry you went through this. A lot of these moms show their true colors. They only want attractive, show pony kids.

I hope OP takes your advice. I never forgave my father's comments on my weight. I used to answer the phone (in my 30s) and hear him say, "How much do you weigh?" No hello, it's dad, nothing.

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Anonymous wrote:I worry about it for health reasons, and because pretty, skinny people have it easier in life, but not because I have to keep buying pants.

Then why did you bring it up and put SKIN TIGHT in all caps?

Finally, the honesty! “Pretty, skinny people have it easier in life.” If you cared about her health, you wouldn’t have allowed her to quit travel soccer. You would have helped her adjust her schedule so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with three to four hours of homework a night. She is eating to cope and also isn’t used to how much less she needs to eat now that she’s not doing soccer everyday. Nothing is going to change unless you help her have time and energy to exercise.

how do you "not allow a 16 year old to quit travel soccer?"
Do you walk them by gun point to the car 5 days per week? restrict food on a fully basis unless they go to practice?

really curious how you would plan to force a teenager to play 20 hours of soccer a week against their will.

It’s not against her will. She doesn’t have time for it because the parents have her in a school/on a schedule where she is doing 3-4 hours a night of homework. That’s not healthy for anyone despite what DCUM says.

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Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

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Anonymous wrote:I hereby nominate Insurance Mom to the DCUM’s Worst Parenting Advice Hall of Fame. I also nominate Won’t Buy Daughter New Pants Because Overeating Has Consequences Mom to an Honorable Mention.

+1

I’m not usually surprised by the appalling parenting advice I encounter on DCUM, but this thread is shown me that there is always a worse DCUM parent, even if you think you’ve already hit rock bottom.

Can pharma exec also get a stupid post shout out?

Man, as the poster who hasn't spoken to my father because he didn't couldn't handle me because I was overweight, reading these posts are wild. I thought he was an outlier, but now I see the majority of parents, (mostly women, no surprise) thought just like him. He DAF about me and why I was eating my way to 300lbs. And the more he pressured me, the more I ate. The more he withheld, the more I took, it was a downward spiral that I never emotionally recovered from.

Please OP, take your child to a doctor and stop read all this internet BS. Your DD may have some other issues going on that have nothing to do with food. Me being overweight peppered ever decision I ever made in my entire life and still does to this day even though I have now lost 140lbs. Please seek professional help, not internet folks who don't know the details of your situation.

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you both listen to the podcast Maintenance Phase

+1,000,000,000

Anonymous wrote:I hereby nominate Insurance Mom to the DCUM’s Worst Parenting Advice Hall of Fame. I also nominate Won’t Buy Daughter New Pants Because Overeating Has Consequences Mom to an Honorable Mention.

+1

I’m not usually surprised by the appalling parenting advice I encounter on DCUM, but this thread is shown me that there is always a worse DCUM parent, even if you think you’ve already hit rock bottom.

I completely understand why OP is concerned. Word of advice to the judgmental posters: ignore whatever interpretation you have extracted of her "tone", and consider the core issue for which she is asking for advice. Being a parent of 2 teen soccer players, I can see myself being very worried if either of them started gaining weight at this age rapidly while playing soccer or in off-season.

In your daughter's defense OP, there might be a combination of factors keeping her away from exercising - school work, the fact that exercise becomes more difficult as you gain weight, and that many team sport athletes are not into exercising for its own sake. Regular (2-3 times/week + weekend games) hi-intensity soccer practice is enough to keep most kids (very) fit, which means that most of them aren't used to doing additional exercise in a gym that can seem boring and pointless. Why so? because many of us aren't wired to be motivated by our own body image, but get super-motivated when doing it for a shared purpose in a group (like being a good soccer team that wins games).

What would I have done if I were in your shoes (as a parent of a current soccer player of similar age)?
(a) Have her health checked thoroughly - to assess her current state of health and fitness (% body fat, cardio health, etc.), and identify any underlying medical issues. Such as PCOS, diabetes, and something that is less known - thyroid issues. Hypothyroidism can cause rapid and inexplicable weight gain - onset among teens is rare, but can happen. If she has any of these issues, the other steps below (exercise, eat healthy) can still be important but secondary.
(b) If there are no health issues causing weight gain, have her screened for mental health issues, like early signs of depression (including any recent triggers like abuse, stress). I would have her see an experienced therapist. Like (a), this takes precedence above anything else.
(c) If everything in (a) and (b) are fine, I'd (strongly) encourage her to take up a team sport in off-season in varsity soccer. This might be applicable even if (a) or (b) were true. If she had been serious about soccer in the past, she might take to a club team that practices no more than 2-3 times a week, is not strict about occasionally missed practice, gives a break during school soccer season, has a positive environment and yet is serious about playing good soccer. Many mid-level club teams that fit this mold. This will also make her a better player for her varsity team next year - an added motivation. If she just doesn't want to play soccer in off-season, I'd find another sport that is fun and intense but not difficult to break into as a newbie. Like ultimate frisbee, or pickleball, squash, racquetball, badminton (many fun options are out there). For any of these, I'd have her join a club that welcomes beginners.
(d) I'd encourage her to eat healthy, and suggest ways to be more active in daily life - like taking stairs as much as she can, walking neighbors' dogs, etc etc. If she is doing (c), that might also motivate her to go to the gym to get better at whatever sport she is playing.
Of course, all of the above - and esp. (c) and (d) - need to be done in a completely non-judgmental way, with no attention to (monitoring) her weight, except to the extent a doctor might want to.

Finally, OP also needs to be aware that it is possible to rapidly gain weight - up to a point - in a healthy way for a teen. Some teens go through changes that make them grow heavier, without necessarily being "fat". Which is why (a) should come first, ahead of everything else.

Anonymous wrote:Two different PPs with the exact same reaction.

This post and the one above it aren't really fair. I'm a new poster, but I can feel the OP's pain. For many reasons, she is concerned about her daughter's rapid weight gain. Nobody wants to look at their daughter and see a lifetime of weight struggles. Be kind, therapy is not going to help OP's daughter's weight gain.

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Anonymous wrote:I worry about it for health reasons, and because pretty, skinny people have it easier in life, but not because I have to keep buying pants.

Then why did you bring it up and put SKIN TIGHT in all caps?

Finally, the honesty! “Pretty, skinny people have it easier in life.” If you cared about her health, you wouldn’t have allowed her to quit travel soccer. You would have helped her adjust her schedule so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with three to four hours of homework a night. She is eating to cope and also isn’t used to how much less she needs to eat now that she’s not doing soccer everyday. Nothing is going to change unless you help her have time and energy to exercise.

how do you "not allow a 16 year old to quit travel soccer?"
Do you walk them by gun point to the car 5 days per week? restrict food on a fully basis unless they go to practice?

really curious how you would plan to force a teenager to play 20 hours of soccer a week against their will.

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Anonymous wrote:I worry about it for health reasons, and because pretty, skinny people have it easier in life, but not because I have to keep buying pants.

Then why did you bring it up and put SKIN TIGHT in all caps?

Finally, the honesty! “Pretty, skinny people have it easier in life.” If you cared about her health, you wouldn’t have allowed her to quit travel soccer. You would have helped her adjust her schedule so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with three to four hours of homework a night. She is eating to cope and also isn’t used to how much less she needs to eat now that she’s not doing soccer everyday. Nothing is going to change unless you help her have time and energy to exercise.

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Unless OP doesn’t buy any heathy foods and only stocks the house with coco puffs, Cheetos, ice cream, pop tarts, and chicken nuggets, you cannot blame this on food in the house. OP made it clear her house is full of heathy options and she cooks nutritious meals. OP’s daughter is 16, not 6. It isn’t realistic to expect OP to not keep a single refined carb or added sugar item in the house- in any form. No one lives like that. Her daughter would still overeat and buy junk other places, probably more so. “Other” foods will ALWAYS be accessible now and when she goes to college, if that is what she is seeking. OP’s daughter needs to able to make the decision herself to put heathy foods in her body, learn what her body actually needs, and to move more. Mom can’t do this by banning cookies entering the house won’t move the needle if DD doesn’t want to change

I disagree. I have 3 out of 4 people in my house who cannot control their eating IF too many temptations are here. We have treats on special occasions, but you misunderstand how some people just are. Some overeaters are more like alcoholics with food than others. I didn't believe it until I married into it.

I’m guessing OP isn’t keep loads of crap. Plenty of people become overweight just by having too many snacks (and doesn’t need to be junk snack food), second helpings of dinner, extra bread, etc. Is OP supposed to ban bread, pasta, rice, cheese, any cereal, anything calorie dense even if heathy? C’mon. Overeaters will overeat just about anything.

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Unless OP doesn’t buy any heathy foods and only stocks the house with coco puffs, Cheetos, ice cream, pop tarts, and chicken nuggets, you cannot blame this on food in the house. OP made it clear her house is full of heathy options and she cooks nutritious meals. OP’s daughter is 16, not 6. It isn’t realistic to expect OP to not keep a single refined carb or added sugar item in the house- in any form. No one lives like that. Her daughter would still overeat and buy junk other places, probably more so. “Other” foods will ALWAYS be accessible now and when she goes to college, if that is what she is seeking. OP’s daughter needs to able to make the decision herself to put heathy foods in her body, learn what her body actually needs, and to move more. Mom can’t do this by banning cookies entering the house won’t move the needle if DD doesn’t want to change

I disagree. I have 3 out of 4 people in my house who cannot control their eating IF too many temptations are here. We have treats on special occasions, but you misunderstand how some people just are. Some overeaters are more like alcoholics with food than others. I didn't believe it until I married into it.

I've been battling my weight my entire life and the above is true. I think naturally thin people don't understand that some people are wired for a dopamine hit when they eat something they enjoy, that has sugar etc. Many of us also have insulin resistance, not because we are overweight, but for other reasons, probably genetic, that then cause obesity. Is it a question of what people "choose" to put in their mouths? Yes, but you have to recognize the powerful metabolic, chemical, and psychological influences that cause people to overeat without them understanding it, which makes it very very hard to control.

My DH and DS are both wired for that dopamine hit. It's more subtle in my DH because he's an adult and can do what he wants but it's so completely obvious in my DS and has been since he's been a toddler. I would not have believed the existence of this "drive" if I hadn't seen it in my DS. My other kids aren't wired this way (neither am I) but my youngest is exactly like my DH. It's genetic.

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wow, so important. My DH is endocrinologist and I didn't know this! (I'm sure he does) I sympathize, OP. I have always been super thin, and my DD started gaining weight around age 15 also (when she first got her period, now that I think of it) I can't say a thing to her, ever about weight. She is athletic, and yes, alot of it is muscle. But some of it appears to be overeating, which most (?) of America does very well. I won't say any more, because the discussion here seems to slam on those of us who think its not great to be overweight

does your DH treat teens or know a pediatric endocrinologist with a waiting list under a year?

so he says that 16years old MAY be too young to diagnose PCOS (but maybe not). He would see your daughter, he does see teens (though not usually younger kids) doesn't have a waiting list, and might also recommend that she see a gyn. Dr. Jerold Share 202-244-0060

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Unless OP doesn’t buy any heathy foods and only stocks the house with coco puffs, Cheetos, ice cream, pop tarts, and chicken nuggets, you cannot blame this on food in the house. OP made it clear her house is full of heathy options and she cooks nutritious meals. OP’s daughter is 16, not 6. It isn’t realistic to expect OP to not keep a single refined carb or added sugar item in the house- in any form. No one lives like that. Her daughter would still overeat and buy junk other places, probably more so. “Other” foods will ALWAYS be accessible now and when she goes to college, if that is what she is seeking. OP’s daughter needs to able to make the decision herself to put heathy foods in her body, learn what her body actually needs, and to move more. Mom can’t do this by banning cookies entering the house won’t move the needle if DD doesn’t want to change

You get an honorable mention for dumb post. One of the top pieces of advice to make sure you don't bring temptation home. Even OP recognized this in her initial post, which is why she talked about her sons.