Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

NP. It’s not that uncommon a scenario in wealthy people divorce. I would say what the PP described is actually pretty average in high net worth divorce.

No it isn’t. You must know a lot of aholes

No. I don’t. But I have worked in male-dominated environments my whole life (except for the years I stayed home myself), and I am friends with some high net worth family attorneys. Between those experiences, I have enough of a picture.

It’s just not this weird black swan event you think it is. Sorry to break your idealistic bubble. PP didn’t mention things like false allegations of spousal abuse or child abuse, money being routed to drugs and alcohol, etc. Wealthy divorce can get so, so much worse that what the PP described. What the PP described? That’s just basic table stakes in these divorces.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

So what? Super funded 529s is just for kids. You need to have at least $5mm in own assets as a woman to have about $150k spent budget in present value at retirement. It's a very high goal for most people even with law partner husbands. I've got $4mm and still work

I think you only need $3.75m at a $150k spend. My goal is to have $4m in assets plus fully funded 529 plans for the kids. I personally think you're there! However, I understand wanting to play it more conservatively.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

+10000000

The 100-200k job isn’t going to do that much for you if you’re divorcing a man like that. A man like that will also try to keep your kids from you. In a situation like that you’re better off just staying married and trying to ignore the DH. Not worth all of that drama and he’s likely busy at work anyway.

This makes no logical sense. With a 100k job, you have a paycheck coming every two weeks. That is vastly different than having no paycheck. In the scenario where funds are dispersed or cut off, the person with the 100k job is in a far better position than the person with no job. This is basic logic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

So what? Super funded 529s is just for kids. You need to have at least $5mm in own assets as a woman to have about $150k spent budget in present value at retirement. It's a very high goal for most people even with law partner husbands. I've got $4mm and still work

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the entire thread...did anybody say anything about the potential power you sacrifice when you are financially dependent on your husband? And the tendency of some high earning men to begin to devalue their non earning wives? They may come to resent the pressure they perceive in being the sole provider, even if they chose it. You can become an easy target in the hard times . Even if consciously supporting it, they may lose respect for you. Not all, but some. You also may lose some respect for yourself. You don't have to match his exorbitant income. But working often offers a sense of its own empowerment that may make you accept less bs from him, if he is prone to that, you know what I mean? It gives you a different marriage dynamic, often more of a partnership. I think it gives you more power.. But you may feel you get that without working.

This sounds like you trying to justify your decision. If your spouse resents you, you need to get rid of that spouse. People will find a reason to resent you and blame you if that is their personality.

I personally think it’s pathetic that so many women on here are working out of fear and have bought the story that if not, their husband will resent them. Meanwhile they dealt with pregnancy and childbirth but aren’t resentful their husband didn’t share that burden. Then so many people on here are miserable and they can’t figure out why. I can’t imagine having an opinion of my marriage like PP and thinking my JOB really plays that big of a role in my marriage. And yes I work.

I am a PP and work because I want to AND because I understand intrinsically how a power imbalance can fester in a working man/SAHW dynamic.

I was married to a sole earner and moved to Europe to support his career (he had an opportunity there). We had a toddler, then had a baby there. When I was very early into my second pregnancy I learned that he was cheating. I have never felt more trapped, more powerless. I had no work visa, no real means of supporting myself or getting a career job. It was absolutely devastating.

I had to rebuild my life from the ground up. I came back to the US and was on food stamps/cash assistance. I experienced firsthand the humiliation and intractable stress of poverty - with small kids, no less. My former spouse fully exploited his financial advantage from the day I left, including throughout the divorce process. I am not exaggerating when I say it almost killed me.

I was able to gain new skills and now am in a comfortable career. I am also remarried to a man who makes significantly more money than I do. I would never put myself in a position to be so vulnerable and dependent again. Unless a woman is independently wealthy or has parents who are (and are unequivocally willing to support her if things go south in a marriage) I would NEVER advise anyone to not work. There are just far too many variables in life and generally, he with the most money wins.

So you’re working out of fear. Best solution is to not have kids in case your husband cheats.

No she works for her own self respect and security which only depends on her

That's an odd way to view a marriage and family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my SAH life. There’s definitely a trade off to have it, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have my own accounts, but mostly just enjoy living my life and having the freedom to choose what to do with my day every day. It’s wonderful.

It’s my goal. I think other posters are just jealous. I will be inheriting millions from my parents and do not plan on working another day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

NP. It’s not that uncommon a scenario in wealthy people divorce. I would say what the PP described is actually pretty average in high net worth divorce.

No it isn’t. You must know a lot of aholes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

+10000000

The 100-200k job isn’t going to do that much for you if you’re divorcing a man like that. A man like that will also try to keep your kids from you. In a situation like that you’re better off just staying married and trying to ignore the DH. Not worth all of that drama and he’s likely busy at work anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

NP. It’s not that uncommon a scenario in wealthy people divorce. I would say what the PP described is actually pretty average in high net worth divorce.