Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 12:14     Subject: Re:Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:One day and it will come I swear.... you will make a mistake too.


These mistakes are egregious. Saying everyone makes then is not true. Most people don’t.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 11:54     Subject: Re:Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
One day and it will come I swear.... you will make a mistake too.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 11:52     Subject: Re:Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think he just stops being responsible for them. Does laundry or food shopping or house stuff and his job. Just don’t leave him alone anymore with the kids.


This is the answer: never leave him alone with the kids. I did this until elementary school. Divorce at this age would be much worse than the present situation. It is near impossible to get full custody. I would not leave my kids alone with this man.


I also have a now exDH who was irresponsible as OP describes. I basically never left him alone with the kids and even in the house did all “mission critical” tasks. I never depended on him to fo anything important with the kids. We separated when they were 18 months and 5 years, but I retained full physical custody. He had frequent visitation which I made easy for him by inviting him to eat and play with the kids at my (our former) house. It wasn’t until the oldest was 8-10 and could reliably say no to dangerous situations that I began to wean away the amount of parenting support I provided to him. I was able to increase that more in 6th grade when DC1 got a cell phone.

They did not do sleepovers until late HS (bioDad would not commit to regular sleepover schedule until then).


Not sure when you divorced but I am the PP you are responding to...I am also divorced. It is near impossible now to get full custody. I waited until they were in elementary school to divorce. He was never left alone with the kids before the age of 6.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 11:05     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Agree with the poster above that said just never leave him alone with the kids. In your position, divorce would make me more nervous as we would split custody and he is not responsible.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 11:00     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
I ended my marriage for many reasons other than failure to parent (similar to what OP describes). But the failure to parent part was a big component of that. For safety reasons, I was forced to do all parenting. I never wanted a relationship like that - I always assumed there would be equally shared parenting. But you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I never wanted to model for the kids that the woman does all the parenting and staying in the marriage would have taught them that was OK. It’s not. If I wanted I third child, I would have conceived one; I don’t need a man-child to take care of in addition to two actual children.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 10:54     Subject: Re:Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think he just stops being responsible for them. Does laundry or food shopping or house stuff and his job. Just don’t leave him alone anymore with the kids.


This is the answer: never leave him alone with the kids. I did this until elementary school. Divorce at this age would be much worse than the present situation. It is near impossible to get full custody. I would not leave my kids alone with this man.


I also have a now exDH who was irresponsible as OP describes. I basically never left him alone with the kids and even in the house did all “mission critical” tasks. I never depended on him to fo anything important with the kids. We separated when they were 18 months and 5 years, but I retained full physical custody. He had frequent visitation which I made easy for him by inviting him to eat and play with the kids at my (our former) house. It wasn’t until the oldest was 8-10 and could reliably say no to dangerous situations that I began to wean away the amount of parenting support I provided to him. I was able to increase that more in 6th grade when DC1 got a cell phone.

They did not do sleepovers until late HS (bioDad would not commit to regular sleepover schedule until then).
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 10:35     Subject: Re:Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:I think he just stops being responsible for them. Does laundry or food shopping or house stuff and his job. Just don’t leave him alone anymore with the kids.


This is the answer: never leave him alone with the kids. I did this until elementary school. Divorce at this age would be much worse than the present situation. It is near impossible to get full custody. I would not leave my kids alone with this man.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 09:40     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
I am not OP. Divorce or separation will not solve this issue. You need to figure out how to have a system for you and your husband to do kid handoffs. DH and I would send a confirmation text after dropping off kids at daycare or after picking them up. Maybe your husband can do this before running out for an errand rather than assuming someone is at home. Sending a text is easier than going upstairs to check.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 09:21     Subject: Re:Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
I think he just stops being responsible for them. Does laundry or food shopping or house stuff and his job. Just don’t leave him alone anymore with the kids.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 08:24     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:After your eldest nearly drowned to death . The communication between the two of you should have stepped up
ADHD is not valid here and I say this as someone who has ADHD. It's his job to manage his symptoms so his children's lives aren't at risk.

I don't know what to advise you because if he refuses to take responsibility for his actions and make changes there's not much you can do. Yes you can divorce but vubless you get full custody and he has supervised visitation your kids will be in danger until they are old enough to look after themselves


Correct, he has the power and control here.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 01:10     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.


That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.


Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?


DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.


You are insane. Crazy.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 01:08     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.


That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.


Not op. I hate the posters who are too cool for school and hold everything together with fake being all above it bs. You are nuts. I'm going to be as ridiculous as you and say maybe you just don't care about your kids. In this case it is entirely appropriate for very, very strong emotions. Gentle talk about his feeeewings isn't going to cut it.

I would consider divorce. Kids don't get a choice in picking parents and if one is dangerous, you have to do whatever you have to to keep them safe. It will probably take op packing up and leaving before her idiot of a husband wakes up and realizes she isn't joking. You read the part about him leaving the baby in the bath alone, right?
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2022 00:16     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
After your eldest nearly drowned to death . The communication between the two of you should have stepped up
ADHD is not valid here and I say this as someone who has ADHD. It's his job to manage his symptoms so his children's lives aren't at risk.

I don't know what to advise you because if he refuses to take responsibility for his actions and make changes there's not much you can do. Yes you can divorce but vubless you get full custody and he has supervised visitation your kids will be in danger until they are old enough to look after themselves
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2022 21:34     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:I really hope this idiot ends up with the idiot who hates her kids because I really hate both of them.

Ha, I shouldn’t laugh but you win the internet for the day!
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2022 20:59     Subject: Husband left two-year-old twins home alone
Anonymous wrote:Where did he go when he left them alone?


Lol.
This should be good.
Prob something like he forgot his wallet at the restaurant last week and finally remembered to go get it.