Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 17:08     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!


OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?


I’m an AVP at a Big Ten. I travel and am a Master’s swimmer. Bye! Sorry you can’t handle more than one lonely child.


This is horrible mean. It was kind of rude of OP to make judgements in her original post, but this is beyond the pale and really reflects poorly on you. Shame on you. So mean.


OP felt free to make some sweeping generalizations. If you dish it out…


OP insulted you (apparently). YOU insulted a child. That's the difference.

No, that poster didn’t. They said OP wasn’t able to handle more than one. That’s a reflection of the Op, not the kid. They were insulting the OP who no one feels sorry for, except apparently you.


I feel sorry for basically everyone on this thread--moms of singletons and multiples. You've all shown your ass today. Congrats!

And what about yourself? You taking the high road?
Save the lecture.


DP. One line comment is a lecture? You didn't fare well in school, did you?

How ironic. It was three lines. Math not your thing?


It's a single line of text made up of three sentences. Your desperate attempt at a comeback...failed. Idiot.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 16:13     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:Something I don’t think has been mentioned here is that the 12 year olds in large/low resource families are not only babysitting their siblings, cousins, and neighbors especially in working poor neighborhoods. Can you imagine the time suck?

Plus the chores, after school activities, and homework?

Theirs a difference in having the said 12 year old as a date night/going-out sitter vs aftercare. In poorer families it’s often the later.


I don't know if I'm crazy here, or if you are.
I grew up UMC, but I babysat my younger siblings after school when I was a teenager. I wasn't doing crafts or enriching activities with them. We had a snack (everyone got their own), and watched The Simpsons. If I had a bunch of homework, then I worked on my homework while they watched TV or played outside. I'm not at all sure that I would have done much different if I had been an only child.

What was everyone else doing after school in eighth grade?
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 15:20     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad of three kids going on four. My first comment would be no babysitter costs even remotely $60 per hour. Are they doing your taxes and legal work too? Second comment, lots of people are cheapskates and basically never go out after having any number of kids. Third comment, we OFTEN use the fake excuse that we can't find a babysitter or can't afford one when we just don't want to hang out with that person. Same for airplane tickets to relatives we don't feel like visiting, "oof can't handle five plane tickets." Next thing you know we are all flying to hawaii. OP I bet they just don't want to hang out with you lol


OP here. But they do want to hang out, they do. They just bring all the kids with them and then spend that night chasing after them.

And yeah, good luck with plane tickets and hotels for a family of 5.


Well, they want to hang out with you as long as they have the ability to use their children as an excuse to get away...

Also, finding plane tickets and hotels for a family of five is like...the easiest thing ever? It's not like there are 15 of them.


It's not hard, but expensive.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 15:06     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. You don't sound like someone I would want to be friends with.

My youngest is 4, my eldest is 12. My eldest babysits my younger kids during the daytime very often.


See? Poor kids forced to parent siblings because of their parents' irresponsible decisions.


Agree. Your kids and your 12 yr old should never be expected to babysit. This is child abuse in my opinion. I would report you to CPS and police.


It's not abuse, but it's not great. I was watched by an older sibling a lot and it was a lousy thing to do to both of us. If it's unexpected and temporary because life circumstances changed, that's one thing, but if you go into having a kid with the plan that your tween is going to provide significant child care for you, you're likely to end up with a teenager who moves out as early as she can and blames you for her lack of a normal childhood. It's one thing when this was normal, but your kids can look around and see that being a regular source of child care for your younger siblings is not just a thing that happens to older siblings, it's a weird choice that her parents made because they weren't willing or able to take care of the kids they had themselves.


I think it’s okay IF the child has a choice and gets paid for babysitting. I am all for giving responsibility and building character but sometimes parents who do this are offloading actual parenting on their children and that is totally unfair. Of course this can happen in lots of ways, like if a parent leans on a child for emotional support or something, so it’s not just confined to parents who have lots of kids.

When you give chores that kids have to do for no money, I think you should give them a job that doesn’t require care of another developing human being. I make my oldest do the dishes, but she can earn money for babysitting if she wants (and often she does want to. Not always but often).
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 15:00     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!


Is this an oxymoron? As for you ovulating…eewwww.
None of the moms of multiples I know look like their having fun. None.


It's they're, not their.

And I have twins and it's the best thing ever. I'm probably in the top 1% of the happiest moms I know. And I work!
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 14:59     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad of three kids going on four. My first comment would be no babysitter costs even remotely $60 per hour. Are they doing your taxes and legal work too? Second comment, lots of people are cheapskates and basically never go out after having any number of kids. Third comment, we OFTEN use the fake excuse that we can't find a babysitter or can't afford one when we just don't want to hang out with that person. Same for airplane tickets to relatives we don't feel like visiting, "oof can't handle five plane tickets." Next thing you know we are all flying to hawaii. OP I bet they just don't want to hang out with you lol


OP here. But they do want to hang out, they do. They just bring all the kids with them and then spend that night chasing after them.

And yeah, good luck with plane tickets and hotels for a family of 5.


Well, they want to hang out with you as long as they have the ability to use their children as an excuse to get away...

Also, finding plane tickets and hotels for a family of five is like...the easiest thing ever? It's not like there are 15 of them.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 14:47     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:Well, in my circles I don’t know anyone with 3+ kids with a decent career. Most of them SAHMs. A couple work, but not high income jobs.


My two closest friends with three kids are both doctors. One is an OB/GYN and the other is a Pediatrician.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 14:46     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!


OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?


I’m an AVP at a Big Ten. I travel and am a Master’s swimmer. Bye! Sorry you can’t handle more than one lonely child.


You're obviously an exception. Most moms struggle having a career and 3 kids. Many drop working because they can't afford to pay for 3 spots at daycare and keep up with demands of home and work life.


There are plenty of moms in this area with three or more kids who are thriving in their careers and find time for their own interests as well. The ones I know have husbands who are equal partners when it comes to household responsibilities. They are also very deliberate about what is worthy of their time and how to maximize it - like working out with friends early in the morning.


Same. My neighbor has three and is a major player at a marketing firm. She plays tennis, travels, and is a great mom. I’d rather hang out with her than with many others I know who have fewer kids but always seem frazzled and overwhelmed. It’s not the number of children, or even the circumstances—it’s personality, capacity, and balance.


THIS

I know a mom of four who has her life together and is super fun. I know another mom of four who is a constant mess and is always complaining.

I know a mom of one who has her life together and is super fun. I know another mom of one who is a constant mess and is always complaining.

Having three kids doesn't mean you are a particular kind of person, OP. It's actually sad that you have such a narrow worldview that you think it is.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 12:27     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Something I don’t think has been mentioned here is that the 12 year olds in large/low resource families are not only babysitting their siblings, cousins, and neighbors especially in working poor neighborhoods. Can you imagine the time suck?

Plus the chores, after school activities, and homework?

Theirs a difference in having the said 12 year old as a date night/going-out sitter vs aftercare. In poorer families it’s often the later.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 12:11     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!


OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?


I’m an AVP at a Big Ten. I travel and am a Master’s swimmer. Bye! Sorry you can’t handle more than one lonely child.


You're obviously an exception. Most moms struggle having a career and 3 kids. Many drop working because they can't afford to pay for 3 spots at daycare and keep up with demands of home and work life.


LOL honey you don't usually need three spots at daycare at the same time.


I also don't really think this is true. Most moms with 3+ kids have them because they just really like babies and little kids. Many probably SAH at least partly for that reason.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 12:01     Subject: Re:I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
So, does the OP just leave her 12 year old at home alone all of the time while she goes out with her friends?

I would rather be left with a sibling.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 11:50     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. You don't sound like someone I would want to be friends with.

My youngest is 4, my eldest is 12. My eldest babysits my younger kids during the daytime very often.


See? Poor kids forced to parent siblings because of their parents' irresponsible decisions.


Agree. Your kids and your 12 yr old should never be expected to babysit. This is child abuse in my opinion. I would report you to CPS and police.


There are so many posters on DCUM who constantly droll on about older kids watching younger siblings as being abusive, unfair, or some other idiotic yarn. All I have to say to these parents is - you're an idiot. This is possible one of the dumbest points on DCUM, and there are many. And if you report parents for having siblings watch siblings, you're a self-entitled Karen who wastes valuable county resources. I can't imagine the type of kid you raise where they have no responsibilities. Build character. Stop filling society with worthless kids who can't do crap for themselves because parents were too inept to give them any real responsibilities. JFC!
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 11:15     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re old and have an only. We’re still ovulating and have fun fanilies. Can’t relate!


OP here. No, you're not fun. You don't have anything to talk about other than childcare. You're also always tired because you never get any sleep, but you spend your days cooking and cleaning and you complain all the time about your life. So why do this to yourself?


I’m an AVP at a Big Ten. I travel and am a Master’s swimmer. Bye! Sorry you can’t handle more than one lonely child.


You're obviously an exception. Most moms struggle having a career and 3 kids. Many drop working because they can't afford to pay for 3 spots at daycare and keep up with demands of home and work life.


LOL honey you don't usually need three spots at daycare at the same time.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 11:09     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:I have different friends with different age children. I have one twelve year old.

I find it impossible to maintain a friendship once they hit child #3.

It's impossible to have adult only time doing something fun because spending $60 an hour for a sitter is too expensive for them. They usually don't have any other support as no one wants to watch their kids for free.

If we get together with kids it's exhausting just to watch - both dad and mom are constantly chasing their 2 year old and 4 year old and making sure they don't kill themselves. You can't have a conversation with them because they're constantly running around after the kids. Also, if you have a nice, clean house with expensive furniture their kids will jump on your nice couch with their shoes on, spill juice on your carpet, leave hand prints on walls, etc. You'll need to do a deep cleaning afterwards.

Finally, they don't have any interests. These women usually don't work. Their life revolves around changing diapers and feedings and there is nothing to talk about other than which gymnastics class to take. It's utterly boring.

This is not a year or two. This lasts years.

All this makes me wonder why women sabotage themselves having 3-4 kids? Why do you do this to yourselves?




You know the answer - just to piss you off.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2021 10:34     Subject: I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. You don't sound like someone I would want to be friends with.

My youngest is 4, my eldest is 12. My eldest babysits my younger kids during the daytime very often.


See? Poor kids forced to parent siblings because of their parents' irresponsible decisions.


Agree. Your kids and your 12 yr old should never be expected to babysit. This is child abuse in my opinion. I would report you to CPS and police.


It's not abuse, but it's not great. I was watched by an older sibling a lot and it was a lousy thing to do to both of us. If it's unexpected and temporary because life circumstances changed, that's one thing, but if you go into having a kid with the plan that your tween is going to provide significant child care for you, you're likely to end up with a teenager who moves out as early as she can and blames you for her lack of a normal childhood. It's one thing when this was normal, but your kids can look around and see that being a regular source of child care for your younger siblings is not just a thing that happens to older siblings, it's a weird choice that her parents made because they weren't willing or able to take care of the kids they had themselves.