Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:57     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:There are many reasons why kids aren't included. Money, space, venue, headcount limitations, etc.


covid
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:27     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.


Well, you dont get to decide that for everyone. In our family, on both sides, "family weddings" actually were a thing. There was precedent and an expectation. And they were fun. That changed with the millennial generation (shocker). I just don't go to those.


You mean families were invited to weddings. That's great.

There's still no such thing as "family weddings," in both church and state. Do show me where I'm wrong.


While I'm usually cheering on the pedantic nags, this is unnecessary, and makes you look dumber than the person you're admonishing. You, and everyone else, knew exactly what is meant by "family wedding."
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:23     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.


It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”


We haven’t received an invitation or save the date yet, but we were told that it’s a kid-free wedding. It’s out of town, so I guess we will go through the calculus of making arrangements after we get the invitation.

It’s not particularly easy even with a teen. He can’t stay home alone and with the travel time and COVID, he can’t stay with a friend for 4 days. I’d also feel bad if he came with us, missed 2 days of school, and had to stay in the hotel alone instead of celebrating w family.


Then decline. It's that easy.


Thank you for your thoughtful response, Miss Manners. It’s his aunt’s wedding, my niece. Due to Covid, they are waiting till the last minute to send out invitations, in case they have to reduce numbers. In the case of close family, it would be nice to get a heads up if he’s included or not prior to invitations going out. It’s not a huge wedding, nor do we have a large family. I don’t want to assume either way. If he’s not invited, there will be hurt feelings and logistical challenges for us. If he’s invited, he will gladly come and celebrate, although he will not yet be vaccinated.


Your family tree is really f*cked up.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:18     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
Here's the thing. You don't get to decide how someone else has a wedding. You get to decide what type of wedding you have. Others get to decide what type of wedding they will have. If you get invited, you adhere to the rules established by the hosts. What you get to decide is whether you will attend under the restrictions and rules or whether you will decline politely. And whether and what type of gift you will send.

Easy. If you like family weddings, you are welcome to host one. If you like family weddings and your family member doesn't, they get to decide to have a no-kids wedding. You get to choose whether you attend a child-free wedding or not.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:16     Subject: Re:Family wedding - no kids allowed
If it were my family, I'd make it a quick trip and go alone. If it were my husband's family, he'd do the same.

We've never left DD with a sitter or family member, we're transplants. So it would be a pain in the ass to get DD to a family member we trust (flight or long drive), and a random sitter in a different city/state is just out of the question.

Unless it was a superrrr close cousin, I'd probably just send a gift.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:09     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
My sibling’s rescheduled COVID wedding is coming up and my kids are both in it. It’s limited to 25 people and I gently suggested to him that it would be fine to scrap my kids since so few people are allowed to make room for their friends or family that will be excluded. I would totally understand and would welcome a night where I don’t have to balance both being in the wedding and trying to ensure my kids are performing as flower girl and ring bearer. My husband and I had a no kids wedding 15 years ago, but at the time no one had kids since we were so young or the “kids” were our similarly aged 18-25 year old cousins.

But I’m also of the opinion that this is totally up to the couple. I’m not really sure kids belong at evening events where the night starts with the 7pm or later reception going until midnight. It’s stressing me out to think about managing my kids at this upcoming wedding since they are usually in bed by 8, not eating cake and getting hyped up.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:07     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.


That is kind of an interesting perspective.

I never really thought about it as being about the two of us. The marriage is about the two of us, for sure. We invited people to the ceremony because people wanted to come and see us get married. We had a reception because a lot of people were flying in or driving a long way, and it seemed kind of crappy not to at least feed them after the ceremony. Maybe the wedding is about the two people getting married, but the reception is for the people who came out to be with you. It isn't about everyone you know trying to give you this special, magical day.

OK Kim Kardashian, everybody doesn’t have thousands or even millions of dollars to invite and pay for hundreds of all of their friends and relatives. And it’s really asinine that you would not admit that, realize that, or take that into consideration when talking about other people’s’ plans for, YES, THEIR special day !
Guess what? It’s a wedding it’s just that it’s a wedding it’s one of event, it’s not a lifetime and if you judge a lifetime of familial relationships
over one event that your behind is not paying for that says more about you than it does about the couple.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:44     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family pressured me to have a kid-free wedding and Im' so glad I didn't listen. Having my spouses multitude of nieces and nephews there made it so much more fun. Truly, it was such a celebration to see 5 year olds all the way up to 90 year olds dancing on the floor. You just need a good DJ. This "adult" night that people want doesn't exist, because if you are young enough that you're not inviting kids (read: you get married in your 20s), then it's just a stupid frat party anyway. Your friends don't care about your "magical" day, they just want to get dolled up and get drunk for free and hook up with someone. Children are people. If you don't want a baby crying during yoru ceremony (which last like 10 minutes nowadays anyway), have a room off to the side with a sitter or make it easy for people to step out. Life isn't on some script. Kids cry, people fart, sirens go down the street, that is what your marriage will be like. Life is bumpy and you shoudl just enjoy the company of your family. The day is truly about all of you and the community you're trying ot build in support of your new family you're making.


Been married over thirty years and calling complete bullsh$t on this post.

And I’ll be sure to demand my church builds an addition for you. GTFOH.



DP. It doesn't sound like BS to me. I've been married 12 years. This is how most weddings I have been to go down. People of all ages dancing, the old and the young leave early, and the friends of the bride and groom party all night.

Also, most churches have cry rooms, Sunday school rooms, or gathering halls. Your church that has no additional rooms is kind of an anomaly.

Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:38     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.


That is kind of an interesting perspective.

I never really thought about it as being about the two of us. The marriage is about the two of us, for sure. We invited people to the ceremony because people wanted to come and see us get married. We had a reception because a lot of people were flying in or driving a long way, and it seemed kind of crappy not to at least feed them after the ceremony. Maybe the wedding is about the two people getting married, but the reception is for the people who came out to be with you. It isn't about everyone you know trying to give you this special, magical day.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:23     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:16     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:My family pressured me to have a kid-free wedding and Im' so glad I didn't listen. Having my spouses multitude of nieces and nephews there made it so much more fun. Truly, it was such a celebration to see 5 year olds all the way up to 90 year olds dancing on the floor. You just need a good DJ. This "adult" night that people want doesn't exist, because if you are young enough that you're not inviting kids (read: you get married in your 20s), then it's just a stupid frat party anyway. Your friends don't care about your "magical" day, they just want to get dolled up and get drunk for free and hook up with someone. Children are people. If you don't want a baby crying during yoru ceremony (which last like 10 minutes nowadays anyway), have a room off to the side with a sitter or make it easy for people to step out. Life isn't on some script. Kids cry, people fart, sirens go down the street, that is what your marriage will be like. Life is bumpy and you shoudl just enjoy the company of your family. The day is truly about all of you and the community you're trying ot build in support of your new family you're making.

Yikes I’m glad you are not a part of my wedding. Back seat wedding driver.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:03     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family pressured me to have a kid-free wedding and Im' so glad I didn't listen. Having my spouses multitude of nieces and nephews there made it so much more fun. Truly, it was such a celebration to see 5 year olds all the way up to 90 year olds dancing on the floor. You just need a good DJ. This "adult" night that people want doesn't exist, because if you are young enough that you're not inviting kids (read: you get married in your 20s), then it's just a stupid frat party anyway. Your friends don't care about your "magical" day, they just want to get dolled up and get drunk for free and hook up with someone. Children are people. If you don't want a baby crying during yoru ceremony (which last like 10 minutes nowadays anyway), have a room off to the side with a sitter or make it easy for people to step out. Life isn't on some script. Kids cry, people fart, sirens go down the street, that is what your marriage will be like. Life is bumpy and you shoudl just enjoy the company of your family. The day is truly about all of you and the community you're trying ot build in support of your new family you're making.


Been married over thirty years and calling complete bullsh$t on this post.

And I’ll be sure to demand my church builds an addition for you. GTFOH.


Whoa, easy there Karen! You sound needlessly hostile.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:03     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.


It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”


We haven’t received an invitation or save the date yet, but we were told that it’s a kid-free wedding. It’s out of town, so I guess we will go through the calculus of making arrangements after we get the invitation.

It’s not particularly easy even with a teen. He can’t stay home alone and with the travel time and COVID, he can’t stay with a friend for 4 days. I’d also feel bad if he came with us, missed 2 days of school, and had to stay in the hotel alone instead of celebrating w family.


Then decline. It's that easy.


Thank you for your thoughtful response, Miss Manners. It’s his aunt’s wedding, my niece. Due to Covid, they are waiting till the last minute to send out invitations, in case they have to reduce numbers. In the case of close family, it would be nice to get a heads up if he’s included or not prior to invitations going out. It’s not a huge wedding, nor do we have a large family. I don’t want to assume either way. If he’s not invited, there will be hurt feelings and logistical challenges for us. If he’s invited, he will gladly come and celebrate, although he will not yet be vaccinated.


How is your son’s aunt your niece? Wouldn’t his aunt be your sibling or sibling-in-law?
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 13:57     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Reading these arguments reminds me of being on the knot.com circa 2001. The two sides are never going to see eye to eye. Same story, different decade.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 13:54     Subject: Family wedding - no kids allowed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.


Well, you dont get to decide that for everyone. In our family, on both sides, "family weddings" actually were a thing. There was precedent and an expectation. And they were fun. That changed with the millennial generation (shocker). I just don't go to those.


You mean families were invited to weddings. That's great.

There's still no such thing as "family weddings," in both church and state. Do show me where I'm wrong.


And P.S. no one misses you at the "millennial weddings," Nance.