Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

It had to be stringent enough for his girlfriend to dump him.

By his own admission, OP loved her, thought she was the one, everything was great. He wanted to marry her. When he brought up the details of his prenup she left. This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and had lived with OP for a year and yet she walked away. That should tell you everything you need to know about how “reasonable” OP’s prenup is.

OP here. She didn’t want to sign the prenup because she wanted access to my money, not my business. I helped her a lot with paying off all her debt, buying her a new car, buying the house she wanted over my preference, etc. I loved her but I know she loved my money more. I still let her keep the new car, her ring, and never asked for the money that I paid down her debt.

Did she ever get an attorney for the prenup? I’m one do the previous sahms that commented. There are many ways to negotiate a pre nup. I signed a less than beneficial one but now have found ways around it. I’m happy and not a mail order bride. What are the terms? Do you think she deserves post marriage property? Some have given good suggestions, be upfront about what you want. Find conservative spots. DC is quite liberal and how you keep finding women that don’t fit the bill.

OP, I think one of your core issues is that you want someone smart enough and competent enough to be very self-directed with respect to running and raising the household, but at the same time, someone who has a low enough self-value to take the objectively bad agreement terms you are offering. Your goals are mutually exclusive, in other words.

Your prenup terms must be pretty bad if your prior girlfriend who worked at a nonprofit and who lived with you said no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

It had to be stringent enough for his girlfriend to dump him.

By his own admission, OP loved her, thought she was the one, everything was great. He wanted to marry her. When he brought up the details of his prenup she left. This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and had lived with OP for a year and yet she walked away. That should tell you everything you need to know about how “reasonable” OP’s prenup is.

OP here. She didn’t want to sign the prenup because she wanted access to my money, not my business. I helped her a lot with paying off all her debt, buying her a new car, buying the house she wanted over my preference, etc. I loved her but I know she loved my money more. I still let her keep the new car, her ring, and never asked for the money that I paid down her debt.

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

OP here. I’m not great with explaining things but this is exactly it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM married to a high earner. He's in finance and I'm a former elementary school teacher. I do think a lot of teachers want to become SAHMs. We love kids so it makes sense that we'd want to be with our own more.

I do think the prenup is a problem for you though. My husband makes double your salary, we also have a net worth in the millions, but my name is on all of our accounts. There is total financial transparency and I can access everything. In addition, we talk about our financial goals together. I can and do spend money freely with no scrutiny from him. When our kids were little and more labor intensive, he had no problem with me hiring household help (cleaner and part time sitter).

It works for our marriage because he goes out of his way to show that he values what I do for our family and he treats me like an equal partner. I don't think it's a good idea to quit your job if it's going to be otherwise.

OP here. I’ve said it time and time again that she will have complete access and control of everything we have when we’re married. Her name will be on everything ( bank accounts, house, car, etc.) too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm what you claim you're looking for. I'm 32, my job isn't a big/high powered one, and if I were to have kids I would want to stay with them.

Why I wouldn't marry you? Your specification that you would handle the finances seems to be designed to keep me in the dark about them. Your placement of your business over a marriage/kids is as much of a dealbreaker for me as a woman who wants to work is for you. The idea that I need to potentially give up on 20+ years of not just salary but experience and I'm "thanked" by it with the assumption that I'm trying to take something from you?

If anyone is the "taker" in this situation, it seems to be you. Your salary is the only thing you have to offer, and you want your spouse to give up so much just for the "privilege" of sharing your salary until you get bored with them.

In the words of Liz Lemon: that's a dealbreaker, ladies.

OP ignored this but now seeing more of his responses this is getting stranger. I'm quoting myself, I have a few million in real estate, and I don't think I'd demand a man sign a prenup. Gross behavior and this sounds mean, but I'm starting to think OP grew up poor.

Poor men who become wealthy are in a weird spot. Most people mate with people who have had similar upbringings, but I don't think OP wants to "settle" for Tina the Hairdresser even though she'd be happy vacuuming all day. He wants a woman "befitting" of his brand new social status, but Victoria from Darien doesn't want to put up with the BS from some guy who thinks 400k is impressive and demands a worker wife and a prenup. He's removing all the benefits of wealth and demanding a LOT.

OP here. I grew up in upper middle class. Not rich, but we had everything we needed and wanted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your best option is to go back your exgirlfriend. As you can see the idea of being a SAHM with a prenup would make most women uneasy for good reason.

You said you loved her and you thought she was the one. You even lived together for a year. The only issue was the prenup. Why not buy a ring, tell her you love her. Ask her to marry you. This is what you should have done from the beginning.

(BTW you say you want the type of relationship your parents had. Did they have a prenup? Probably not. It changes the dynamic completely.)

Whoa, I missed this. So OP loved her but dumped her because she wouldn't sign a prenup?

OP's got some major issues. He doesn't need a SAHM, he needs therapy.

OP here. She left me when I told her we wouldn’t be getting married without a prenup.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your best option is to go back your exgirlfriend. As you can see the idea of being a SAHM with a prenup would make most women uneasy for good reason.

You said you loved her and you thought she was the one. You even lived together for a year. The only issue was the prenup. Why not buy a ring, tell her you love her. Ask her to marry you. This is what you should have done from the beginning.

(BTW you say you want the type of relationship your parents had. Did they have a prenup? Probably not. It changes the dynamic completely.)

OP here. I did buy her a ring and ask her to marry me. We dated for 1.5 years ( lives together for 6 months) and I then I bought her a very nice ring she wanted. I still let her keep the ring even though it was very expensive.

My parents did have a prenup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join a conservative church.

You’re getting kind of old for this type of pairing to be honest. Most women who are okay with this marry a college sweetheart shortly after graduation. You’re over a decade too late.

This is very true.

You could try the baked and wired on certain weekday mornings in Georgetown. They used to have a weekly meeting for women who wanted to be bought but the going rate is north of 2M/year in income if the prospective husband is older than 30.

NP. Go on, I'm intrigued

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess this is not the right place to ask this. I’m still a little surprised with most saying they would never sign a prenup considering this forum is filled with divorced people, people having affairs, and people who hate their spouses.

The prenup is to protect my businesses and certain assets. Any money we earn once married is considered “ ours” and she will have full access to. I don’t plan to get divorced but divorce rates are high.

I’m fine with a woman who wants to keep her career but I would prefer a woman who wants to take time off and be a SAHM while the kids are young.

I want a woman who is kind, attractive, smart, etc. I didn’t say those because they’re a given. Everyone wants that. Everyone wants to be married to a kind, loving, attractive, funny, and faithful person.

I want a true marriage. I do not want a mail order bride or someone young. I’m looking for a woman over 30 who is mature.

I have never cheated and never will. Divorce is not something I want.

At 37, I feel it’s normal to be single. Many people are getting married later in life. The PP who said having a kid at 40 means a child with special needs is wrong and insensitive. Many men and women have children at 40 or over 40 who do not have special needs. The age increases the chances, but that doesn’t mean it will happen in every case.

I can afford the lifestyle I want. I do think it’s ridiculous that some people on here think you can’t raise children with less than $400. I’ve known many families who have made less and still live in move homes, send their kids to private schools, and outsource help.

I want children. I will be part of their lives as much as possible. I will not be around as much in the earlier years because I want to set my family up for a great life. I’ve known many people who have similar situations.

I agree with the posters that suggested a match maker. Also maybe look at people you knew in college so there might be more trust/knowledge of who you are. It’s not that you can’t find any one thing you are looking for, it’s that the combinations are not that common. There are women that are SAHMs and willing to be the default parent but most don’t want to sign a prenup. The SAHMs that I know where the husband owns a business, they see themselves as a team. Sometimes the wife in the early years had the job with the benefits and the medical insurance for the family when the husband was starting out. That idea of both people being part of a team building something together for the family isn’t really compatible with signing a prenup for the business/main source of the family income to protect one person. I also know woman that would have no problem signing a fair prenup but if they are in their 30’s and independent where “the man is not the plan” they wouldn’t want to give up their opportunity to build their own wealth to cater to their husband AND have him not involved with the kids until they are 7 or 8. You want someone smart and not desperate in their early 30’s who is romantic and loves you for who you are and has enough going on to have other options but is willing to make you the center of their world while being okay with you not trusting them and insisting on a prenup. That’s not going to be an easy combination.

I know you hold up your parents marriage as the dream, but did your mom sign a prenup and marry your dad in her early 30’s? If they married young and/or she helped him build his business and/or she didn’t sign a prenup you have to realize it’s not the same situation that you are in or asking of another woman. Also, how did your mom feel about shouldering the majority of the household until your dad was established once the kids were older? Did she have other options? My MIL stayed home with the kids the first five years and is the first to say “that’s what you did back then” - it wasn’t necessarily her first choice. You want someone to be like your mom was but do you really know what it was like from her perspective?

Anonymous wrote:Join a conservative church.

You’re getting kind of old for this type of pairing to be honest. Most women who are okay with this marry a college sweetheart shortly after graduation. You’re over a decade too late.

This is very true.

You could try the baked and wired on certain weekday mornings in Georgetown. They used to have a weekly meeting for women who wanted to be bought but the going rate is north of 2M/year in income if the prospective husband is older than 30.

Indian Matchmaking.

No prenups though!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

No, because he boiled it down to money.

I'm the PP who said I'm what OP is looking for, and my dad owns a real estate company. When I own it value won't be lost. So I guess it depends on what sort of "business" we're talking about, but since OP mentioned multiple businesses I really don't think your thoughts apply here.

No, pp, your husband could give you class b interests in the llc what would mean you own interests in the business but have no voting power. So yes, you could own it but his investors should not care because you would have no power. Your dh has done a good job a at manipulating you in to thinking otherwise, though!

I'm not married. What the f do you think you're talking about?

Wow, you are really rude. Clearly I am responding to the woman who says she is married and that the investors in her DH’s company would not be ok with her owning shares in her husband’s company.

Oh yeah I'm super rude, you weren't clear because quoting the person you're responding to is a challenge.

OP I'd say you need a woman who is between 28-34 who has trained and worked as a preschool school teacher, a nursing assistant, that kind of thing -low paid, low qualified but caring professions where the caring aspect is part of their personality, built in and there is no where for them to go career wise in those jobs and they are not losing income significantly by not doing them.

I'll second a PP that using a professional matchmaking service might be the right call here.