Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would their niece not have mentioned any of this? Were they not talking much, or was she bald-faced lying to her parents and making up a entirely fictional second stable life, or what?

Did they not get any clues when they visited and spoke with her friends, etc?

How many kids phone home after getting busted by an dorm RA for pot, alcohol or belligerent noise violation? If they get an MIP, they can just have university legal services take care of it for free. If you're not attending class and grades are awful, you tell parents it's so hard, adjustment period, anxiety, etc. – even the laziest students can usually maintain Cs. If you drop or W classes or change your major to something far easier, how would parents know? If you're popped for cheating, how would the parents know?

Seems like kids with a good relationship with their parents would. Their daughter must not trust her parents much.

Anonymous wrote:Why would their niece not have mentioned any of this? Were they not talking much, or was she bald-faced lying to her parents and making up a entirely fictional second stable life, or what?

Did they not get any clues when they visited and spoke with her friends, etc?

How many kids phone home after getting busted by an dorm RA for pot, alcohol or belligerent noise violation? If they get an MIP, they can just have university legal services take care of it for free. If you're not attending class and grades are awful, you tell parents it's so hard, adjustment period, anxiety, etc. – even the laziest students can usually maintain Cs. If you drop or W classes or change your major to something far easier, how would parents know? If you're popped for cheating, how would the parents know?

I have not read the whole thread, but it did prompt me to check the policy for my child's school, which states the following:

The University MAY allow parents to have access to their child’s student education records,
WITHOUT the student’s consent, in the following circumstances:

1) Student is a dependent of their parent for federal income tax purposes; or

2) Disclosure is in connection with a health or safety emergency (i.e., if knowledge of the
information is necessary to protect the health or safety of the student or other individuals); or

3) Student has violated a Federal, State or local law, or a rule or policy of the University,
governing the use or possession of alcohol or a controlled substance, and the University
determines that the student has committed a disciplinary violation regarding that use or
possession and the student is under 21 at the time of the disclosure.

So not really worried about this...

Why would their niece not have mentioned any of this? Were they not talking much, or was she bald-faced lying to her parents and making up a entirely fictional second stable life, or what?

Did they not get any clues when they visited and spoke with her friends, etc?

Anonymous wrote:When my brother and SIL went to pick up their daughter from college after her 2nd year, they had a meeting with a Dean (?). Dean proceeded to tell them all these events and run-ins with RAs, etc. that occurred throughout two years that they were COMPLETELY blindsided by. My brother told me it would have been nice to know these things before they blew another 30K on the second year of college, which was her last before being told to go home and figure things out. She wasn't kicked out permanently -- they told her to go home and take courses locally and then apply for re-instatement.

Yeah, your niece really should have told them about all her troubles.

Anonymous wrote:Is this just really about money? If college were free or the parents weren’t paying, would they care if their children washed out? I see more concern for the wallet in these responses than the child, as if college were just another large consumer purchase that should come with a money-back guarantee.

Yep.

Is this just really about money? If college were free or the parents weren’t paying, would they care if their children washed out? I see more concern for the wallet in these responses than the child, as if college were just another large consumer purchase that should come with a money-back guarantee.

When my brother and SIL went to pick up their daughter from college after her 2nd year, they had a meeting with a Dean (?). Dean proceeded to tell them all these events and run-ins with RAs, etc. that occurred throughout two years that they were COMPLETELY blindsided by. My brother told me it would have been nice to know these things before they blew another 30K on the second year of college, which was her last before being told to go home and figure things out. She wasn't kicked out permanently -- they told her to go home and take courses locally and then apply for re-instatement.

Anonymous




Your kid is 18. If your kid does have issues, it's going to be caused by your over controlling ways.

Do you have a kid this age? I'm going to guess that you don't.

Anonymous wrote:We pay for 100% of everything, yet the college won't warn parents about alarming behavior issues? The only way you know if your child is out of control is if they end up in the hospital or in police custody (and they choose to call you for bailout?), i.e. rock bottom? I understand there is a waiver or something, but shouldn't the default be parents are immediately informed of things like this?

OP, there are such strong privacy laws, which the college must abide by(mostly because they get Federal money). Be it HIPPA, FERPSA, whatever, your kid is most likely an adult, ie above aged 18. The colleges are more concerned with getting sued than they are with actually heading off a problem. I think the WSJ did a very long story on this a few years ago. The student ultimately killed himself, then the parents sued the school. School could NOT reveal the kid's mental issues.

Anonymous wrote:So many fake lawyers in this thread...who I'd bet push paper at a university.

So many annoying helicopter parents in this thread...who I'd bet push their kids to want to act out even more.

So many fake lawyers in this thread...who I'd bet push paper at a university.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a lot to ask that the default be open disclosure to parents of freshman. It should have to be turned off by the student upon request. OF COURSE the colleges are wholly against this sort of disclosure because they want to control your kids and brush everything under the rug.


That's called nudging. Just like with organ donors, much more opt-in when it's just default.

Once again, for the terminally stupid . . .

That.Does.Not.Comply.With.The.Law. Unless the freshman is 17, which few are, and virtually none for the entire year.

Cite the "law" about emailing parents a notification your kid has received a dorm infraction for alcohol, noise violation, drugs, found passed out in a hallway. Cite the "law" about emailing parents a notification your kid hasn't shown up for class in 2 or 3 weeks.

FERPA

At 18, all of the privacy rights provided by FERPA belong to the student.

https://studentprivacy.ed.gov/faq/what-ferpa

There is no law preventing colleges from emailing parents a notification the child has been absent from class or had a run-in with campus police.

Clearly Act covers a lot of issues with disappearing from campus or situations where the student is assaulted/etc. But why should the office of res life for student affairs contact the parents of an adult child for being written up for alcohol or whatever?

What is your actual concern? A student in danger or a student making bad decisions?

Just have your kid sign a FERPA waiver. That way if anything really serious happens the school has the option to contact you (though they may not do so).