Anonymous wrote:She is so clingy. Stops over anytime she wants, but never for a day visit, its an overnight.
Like I'm going to send her 3 hrs home same day, even though she didn't give us the heads up that she was coming.

It's like she asks me questions, him questions separately throughout the week then comes to the conclusion that we will be home Saturday and just shows up.
She gets up at like 4-5am and drives 3 hrs so there is NO warning. We are sometimes still sleeping when she arrives and we wake up to the dogs barking. The last time she did this she asked for her own key to just let herself in! HELL NO!

PP, did she buy you the house you live in? Other than that, I can't imagine a scenario where an adult does that, and two other adults continuously humor her. You must owe her very big to be putting up with that. Or perhaps all 3 of you are from another culture?

Anonymous wrote:She is so clingy. Stops over anytime she wants, but never for a day visit, its an overnight.
Like I'm going to send her 3 hrs home same day, even though she didn't give us the heads up that she was coming.

It's like she asks me questions, him questions separately throughout the week then comes to the conclusion that we will be home Saturday and just shows up.
She gets up at like 4-5am and drives 3 hrs so there is NO warning. We are sometimes still sleeping when she arrives and we wake up to the dogs barking. The last time she did this she asked for her own key to just let herself in! HELL NO!

Omg! I can’t believe this one! I would go crazy on her after one time of this behavior!!

Anonymous wrote:She is so clingy. Stops over anytime she wants, but never for a day visit, its an overnight.
Like I'm going to send her 3 hrs home same day, even though she didn't give us the heads up that she was coming.

It's like she asks me questions, him questions separately throughout the week then comes to the conclusion that we will be home Saturday and just shows up.
She gets up at like 4-5am and drives 3 hrs so there is NO warning. We are sometimes still sleeping when she arrives and we wake up to the dogs barking. The last time she did this she asked for her own key to just let herself in! HELL NO!

Next time she doorsteps you, grab your coat: "We were just heading out to a playdate. We have a birthday party after that, which includes dinner. Sorry! Please give me a call next time."

This thread is cute. It makes me grateful for my in-laws. Outside of my MIL asking "what are you doing now?" each time I look at my cell, there really is not much that annoys me. I lost my parents when I was a teen, so I'm grateful to have my in-laws as they treat me like I am one of their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to think of it as MIL not feeling empowered to live her truth.

Basically she doesn’t actually want to have to watch the kids or cook us things or run errands, but she constantly begs/insists that she wants/needs to do these things. So for recent kid birthday, she asked me the menu, what can she bring, I told her I am making XYZ, would you like to bring A? A long rant about how ai am taking on too much, she is retired, she has so much time, she wants to help! I said, okay, well, would tou like to do A, B, or C. All three! Yes, please let me help!

Week of the party she complained to DH nonstop for days about how she had so much on her plate and how was she going to get it all done.

I keep saying “never again” but about once a year I forget and we have to repeat the whole disaster.

This is my MIL too. She will chase you to the sink in an attempt to take over doing dishes. And then tell everyone back at home how we need sooooo much help and how her cooking and cleaning saved us. The thing is, we're 2 childless adults with no pets. We don't need a cook or a cleaner. So I was very consistent in saying we don't need her help in scrubbing dishes, that's what the dishwasher is for.

This is my mother. She lives in another state and always says she can't wait to visit and "help". She never helps. She once came for a week while my husband was out of town and watched the kids at home instead of sending them to daycare. She kept talking about all the meals she would make us. Each night I came home to no meals cooked and had to scramble to put something together she would eat, and then she'd criticize me for our hectic evenings. At the end of the visit, she'll cry and say she wishes she could have been a help. Then she seems to go home and brag to her friends about how much help we needed and how invaluable she is. It drives me nuts! (Before anyone jumps on me, I don't expect her to cook and know babysitting is more than enough, she just insists she is going to, has me buy ingredients, and then just doesn't do any of it. It's the same for lunch while I'm at the office. She just lets the kids grab snacks because she doesn't feel like making sandwiches.)

I tell my MIL to talk to the cleaning lady if she has issues with the way things are being run. There's no point in criticizing me about the dust bunnies behind the couch because it's not my job. Drives her crazy!

Anonymous wrote:I try to think of it as MIL not feeling empowered to live her truth.

Basically she doesn’t actually want to have to watch the kids or cook us things or run errands, but she constantly begs/insists that she wants/needs to do these things. So for recent kid birthday, she asked me the menu, what can she bring, I told her I am making XYZ, would you like to bring A? A long rant about how ai am taking on too much, she is retired, she has so much time, she wants to help! I said, okay, well, would tou like to do A, B, or C. All three! Yes, please let me help!

Week of the party she complained to DH nonstop for days about how she had so much on her plate and how was she going to get it all done.

I keep saying “never again” but about once a year I forget and we have to repeat the whole disaster.

This is my MIL too. She will chase you to the sink in an attempt to take over doing dishes. And then tell everyone back at home how we need sooooo much help and how her cooking and cleaning saved us. The thing is, we're 2 childless adults with no pets. We don't need a cook or a cleaner. So I was very consistent in saying we don't need her help in scrubbing dishes, that's what the dishwasher is for.

My MIL used to give us chores while the kid was down for a nap. In our own home. Like, "when Larlo is napping, we need to sit down and make a grocery list and change out the load of laundry, and fold what comes out of the dryer."

Like, it's fine if that's the way you wanna do things at your house or the lake house her family owns, but this is OUR house. We talked to her about and she's been much better, but it did drive us crazy for awhile. She's go go go go go, and seems to forget that parents of toddlers need some downtime to not go insane.

She is so clingy. Stops over anytime she wants, but never for a day visit, its an overnight.
Like I'm going to send her 3 hrs home same day, even though she didn't give us the heads up that she was coming.

It's like she asks me questions, him questions separately throughout the week then comes to the conclusion that we will be home Saturday and just shows up.
She gets up at like 4-5am and drives 3 hrs so there is NO warning. We are sometimes still sleeping when she arrives and we wake up to the dogs barking. The last time she did this she asked for her own key to just let herself in! HELL NO!

MIL files her nails when sitting at the eating table. Makes me want to gag.

MIL uses terms like "Colored" and "Oriental" and uses them around my child.

I try to think of it as MIL not feeling empowered to live her truth.

Basically she doesn’t actually want to have to watch the kids or cook us things or run errands, but she constantly begs/insists that she wants/needs to do these things. So for recent kid birthday, she asked me the menu, what can she bring, I told her I am making XYZ, would you like to bring A? A long rant about how ai am taking on too much, she is retired, she has so much time, she wants to help! I said, okay, well, would tou like to do A, B, or C. All three! Yes, please let me help!

Week of the party she complained to DH nonstop for days about how she had so much on her plate and how was she going to get it all done.

I keep saying “never again” but about once a year I forget and we have to repeat the whole disaster.

Anonymous wrote:They expect a hot lunch every day. Refuse to eat cold cuts and make a sandwich, so they eat leftovers for lunch. This means I have to make a fresh dinner every night they are here.

Yeah, no. There's no such thing as "refusing" to eat what I have planned for lunch--if you "refuse" what we have planned, you may borrow our car to go out and feed yourself at a restaurant, or go buy groceries to make what you want.

"Since we don't have any more chili and cornbread left for dinner as I had planned, we have no dinner. Here are some take-out menus."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine makes comments about how lucky I am for owning all kinds of fairly common household objects (like a Keurig) and manages to tie it back to her son's generosity. My DH is awesome but I'm the primary breadwinner in our family.

My too. I hate it.

Do you all not just say you make more money? I'm pretty sure I'd say something like, "Well, since I make more money than your son, it's actually due to my generosity"

That would be a petty thing to say with respect to her spouse. My spouse makes more than I do, and if he made that kind of comment it would really piss me off. I think most couples do not view the purchasing of joint household goods as due to one or the other’s generosity. I doagree the IL making the comment is super annoying, but no reason to take it out on the spouse.

My inlaws do this too. When we give them gifts or pay for meals, they only thank DH, never me. Even when I’m sitting right there. Sometimes I’ll respond anyway and say “you’re welcome” or “we’re so glad you like it” or similar, but usually I just ignore because I don’t want to get into it. I make more than 3x DH’s salary but even if I made 3x less or even nothing, it would still be rude on their part because the gifts are from both of us and our money is joint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine makes comments about how lucky I am for owning all kinds of fairly common household objects (like a Keurig) and manages to tie it back to her son's generosity. My DH is awesome but I'm the primary breadwinner in our family.

My too. I hate it.

Do you all not just say you make more money? I'm pretty sure I'd say something like, "Well, since I make more money than your son, it's actually due to my generosity"

DH once told her that I make a lot more money than him. It was when we first bought a house and she kept gushing about how proud she was of him. It annoyed him and he spoke up. I honestly think it's just habit because she never worked and her husband was not generous (though she did own a Keurig!). I usually shrug and say "well, I work, too".