Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I’m living this now. It’s not just that he’s overweight, it’s that he’s overweight and does nothing about it. He eats lunch out every day, has a beer nearly every evening, will order extra portions of greasy sides when we go out, never exercises. So. Many. Calories.

If he was doing everything possible to live healthy that would be one thing, but he just doesn’t seem to care. It’s gross.

We’ve been married 20 years and have multiple kids and I’m ~10 lbs heavier than when we met, but he’s ~50 lbs heavier. I want to call his doctor and beg her to tell him to lose weight so I’m not the nasty wife.

Ugh. I’m a DH who gained 50 lbs, but I never eat lunch out (usually it’s a tuna salad or something), don’t drink, and exercise 2-3 times a week. I think I just eat too much of “healthy things” like nuts or whole grain bread. I eat so many vegetables, and only chicken and fish.

And your DH eats what he wants and weighs the same, it’s crushing. Makes me want to even stop trying.

PP, have you test your vitamin D level? You are doing all the right things, may want to try eat last meal by no later than 8 pm, and breakfast no earlier than 8 am. You should be able to not gain anymore and start losing a pound or two per month.
GL

Ok. I am apparently the only woman out there like this but I confess I find having sex with overweight DH to be hot.

I dont understand it, I can't explain it, but I actually like it more than when he was thin.

It seems more masculine to me, like he is leaning into male privilege by not GAF and that seems sexy.

I could never sleep with overweight men. They stink and sweat excessively in the summer. So to me it’s almost a matter of his hygiene

My now ex had poor posture when I met him. It got worse. Then he developed man boobs and a belly from his love of beer and bourbon. It was a total turnoff. He still found someone else to bang and he still looks like $hit. So there's hope for all the guys out there who let themselves go to hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a man to look like a MAN he needs muscles. If I touched him and felt all curves and fat I would think I was with a woman

That’s part of the problem.

Having sex with a fat man feels like sleeping with a pregnant woman. For heterosexual women that’s really unattractive.

I have always liked pregnant women! I find them sexy as hell!
And I don't go for overweight women, either.

Real men have curves.

I just screened for this shit early. 20 years in we are not exactly competing in pageants but no ones over like a 20 BMI. We've gotten...softer! But not "fat." Fat potential is obvious pretty young so I think we just didn't go for that even in the yoing and temporarily thinner.

Anonymous wrote:"He is fat. Gained 60 pounds since we got married 20 years ago. We do have sex but it's to maintain the marriage. I just do it to keep the peace."

This is horrifying. I'm sorry. You should cut out the sex

A lot of women put up with maintenance sex. It doesn't start out that way but it starts small, as in a quiet thought -'ok fine let's get it over with'.
Haven't you heard the motherly advice to betrothed daughters? - "Lay back dear and think of England."
I'm not saying it's good, but it's unfortunately a stereotype given the imbalance of sex drives between typical men and women.
I suppose it becomes like a favor one does for a spouse. He puts up with bad dishwasher loading and says nothing, she puts up with unexciting sex and says nothing. One can consider it a chore, others may consider it an act of service in the name of love and marriage.
Alas, maintenance sex.
I dunno, but it's part of the quiet puttering of marriage. Marriage isn't a constant glow of rainbows and glitter.

Anonymous wrote:No. I’m living this now. It’s not just that he’s overweight, it’s that he’s overweight and does nothing about it. He eats lunch out every day, has a beer nearly every evening, will order extra portions of greasy sides when we go out, never exercises. So. Many. Calories.

If he was doing everything possible to live healthy that would be one thing, but he just doesn’t seem to care. It’s gross.

We’ve been married 20 years and have multiple kids and I’m ~10 lbs heavier than when we met, but he’s ~50 lbs heavier. I want to call his doctor and beg her to tell him to lose weight so I’m not the nasty wife.

Ugh. I’m a DH who gained 50 lbs, but I never eat lunch out (usually it’s a tuna salad or something), don’t drink, and exercise 2-3 times a week. I think I just eat too much of “healthy things” like nuts or whole grain bread. I eat so many vegetables, and only chicken and fish.

And your DH eats what he wants and weighs the same, it’s crushing. Makes me want to even stop trying.

Some of the double standard from women here is carzy. Any husband who dares tell his wife she is too fat for him to have sex with her is done.

Anonymous wrote:More than 20 lbs overweight no, probably not. Women can carry it better, I think.

Women think they carry it better because most are delusional.

If he's fat? What a crazy hypothetical that hardly any woman could relate to!

Anonymous wrote:For a man to look like a MAN he needs muscles. If I touched him and felt all curves and fat I would think I was with a woman

That’s part of the problem.

Having sex with a fat man feels like sleeping with a pregnant woman. For heterosexual women that’s really unattractive.

Anonymous wrote:Not really. And I told him. He is not overweight anymore.

Same.

No. I’m living this now. It’s not just that he’s overweight, it’s that he’s overweight and does nothing about it. He eats lunch out every day, has a beer nearly every evening, will order extra portions of greasy sides when we go out, never exercises. So. Many. Calories.

If he was doing everything possible to live healthy that would be one thing, but he just doesn’t seem to care. It’s gross.

We’ve been married 20 years and have multiple kids and I’m ~10 lbs heavier than when we met, but he’s ~50 lbs heavier. I want to call his doctor and beg her to tell him to lose weight so I’m not the nasty wife.