Anonymous
Post 06/25/2024 17:47     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Yeah.

Not in 2017 or 2019 or 2024.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2024 17:44     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:Men: Do not marry women who come from higher socioeconomic backgrounds than yourself. They are spoiled and will never appreciate you.



Then stop marrying period you clearly cant afford a wife.
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2019 06:13     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the perpectives. Especially the thoughtful one noted previously.

I do want my husband to be happy in job - which is why I've supported him doing so for so long. But right now my focus has shifted from him having a job he loves to our kids being able to go to good/decent public schoolsand to be able to host grandparents / siblings from out of state, hosting our own holidays, building equity, belonging to a community where people stick around I'm willing to move out of this expensive area to realize that since after 10 years we haven't figured out how to make it work. Both jobs are downtown w tough commutes to cheaper areas.



Oh, so you don't want to have to commute (like 90% of people that live in this area)? Sounds like you're the only one holding yourself back, OP.


This is an asshole response, to take this one sentence in isolation and jump on her for it. What is wrong with you? In the aggregate, she wants more for their lives together, and he doesn't seem to share that motivation. She's not a bad person for being frustrated by that. Jesus. Some people are happy to leave money on the table and endure crappy apartments and shitty commutes for no reason. If you are that person, good for you. Many of us have been able to achieve more. OP, you are not a bad person for wanting your husband to be on the same page with you, in terms of the lifestyle you want for your family. Just because he loves this job doesn't mean he couldn't also love a different, higher paying job in the private sector. Resentment is poisonous to live with. He needs to know what this is doing to you and your feelings about him and the life you are trying to build together.

I have been there. My husband was perfectly content to schlep along making less than half of what I make for years, in a company he didn't even like, even though there are tons of opportunities around. I managed my career by seeking promotions, taking some smart risks, and maximizing my earning potential. We live in Bethesda, have great schools etc. But the house always needs work and I have thrown fits in frustration about the money left on the table that could be going into our kids' 529's, retirement savings, home improvements, etc. Over many years of pleading for him to hustle, my frustration was so great that I stopped being attracted to him, sex dried up, etc. What do you know: finally he has gotten a new job, 30 percent salary increase, much better benefits, etc. I feel like we are partners again. But I still resent that he squandered so many of his prime earning years. I'm trying to let that go. There are other qualities he brings to the marriage that I appreciate. That doesn't mean I cannot also want him to be an equal provider instead of sitting back and letting me do all the career hustling.


I can understand your frustration. Op, not so much. She chose a low earning position or career and is upset that her husband opted for the same. He’s still the breadwinner. Not only does she earn less, she wants to drop to PT work and buy a home. My guess is that you were probably primary caregiver and wage earner in your household. If so, I’d be frustrated as well.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2019 12:50     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand people complaining about their quality of life at these salaries. I'm a single parent paying for private school, own a SFH, pay a dog walker, max out 401k.... make about $200k a year and live like a king.

I'd like to see your budgets and figure out what you are doing wrong that you can't afford a nice life on two incomes.


Do you live in Woodbridge?


My immediate thought.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2019 12:35     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:For all you haters, you’re missing her point. It’s not that’s she’s greedy or materialist, but any healthy mature adult seeks growth in business and their personal lives. They have added children to the union and it’s fair to want the best for their growing family: better schools, opportunity, etc. Marriage is a partnership. Of course she can provide more for her family, her concern isn’t he willing to do the same. So, who’s really selfish here: her for wanting to provide the best for her growing family or him for wanting to be complacent. If she gained additional income then that would be more time away from the children and of course he would benefit from her labor. Married people should compromise as partners working toward the same goal.



You’re about 2.5 years late to this discussion. “The haters”, and OP, have moved on.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2019 12:26     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
For all you haters, you’re missing her point. It’s not that’s she’s greedy or materialist, but any healthy mature adult seeks growth in business and their personal lives. They have added children to the union and it’s fair to want the best for their growing family: better schools, opportunity, etc. Marriage is a partnership. Of course she can provide more for her family, her concern isn’t he willing to do the same. So, who’s really selfish here: her for wanting to provide the best for her growing family or him for wanting to be complacent. If she gained additional income then that would be more time away from the children and of course he would benefit from her labor. Married people should compromise as partners working toward the same goal.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2019 17:38     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of in a similar situation. My husband is in a govt job that gives him a lot of flexibility, but doesn't have the best earning potential, which is particularly annoying because he has a lot of student debt and I hate having any sort of debt (I paid grad school loans and car loans off). After a long time being upset about this, and wishing we had more, I finally realized that there are a lot of things he brings to the table. I value those now as much as the money he brings (I earn more). Admittedly, I was raised in a family where my dad was the sole provider so it took some adjusting. I would encourage you to look at what positives he brings to the relationship.

You may also want to meet with a financial planner to set savings goals you can both work towards so you can get into a house.





Surely your husband will have his student loans forgiven after 10 years of payments.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2019 15:13     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
another self centered selfish bitch.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2019 14:33     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
who keeps reviving this 2 year old thread
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2019 14:08     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:I make $60k a year, my husband makes $20k a year...and yes, we live in the DC Metro area (in Silver Spring). What I would give to be making some of the salaries people are throwing around on this thread. And what I wouldn't give if my husband was more of a provider and just made closer to what I make....


Watch what you wish for. Some of those braggers have horrible lives with cheating spouses etc.

Anonymous
Post 06/18/2019 13:08     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Promises are made to be kept in any relationship. No one wants excuses; sacrifice and discipline breed limitless results. Everyone is right! A wife must birth the dream of her King but there has to be a dream to be planted therefore conceived. Nurture that man and tell him he can. The journey may not be what you expect but the land of milk and honey is waiting. Keep encouraging him to dream big and know that all things are possible. The Universe has been gifted to us by the divine/God, Jesus died for our mistakes and that's why every day is "the" PRESENT! We were put here to build and maintain relationships. The key is living your purpose. Never give up on seeking that purpose. The answers are all around you! The order of your home determines the results. Money is the by product of being true to yourself. Everything you need want and can magine is waiting for you xoxo
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2019 20:00     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
I work hard to being enough money to my marriage to feel financially secure. I married for love amd DH just doesn’t make very much. It is what it is. But the desire to be with a man who can take care of you as a woman is powerful. I wish people would stop trying to shame basic human instincts. We have lot’s of primal drives we have to suppress but no reason to shame their existence.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2019 22:41     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Thanks for the update OP!

I really want to know what the PP meant when they said “women under 40 in Mid-Atlantic have demographics in their favor”
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2019 19:29     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
How are you at your “max earning potential”? Sounds a little self limiting. Go find a better paying job.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2019 19:07     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
I make $60k a year, my husband makes $20k a year...and yes, we live in the DC Metro area (in Silver Spring). What I would give to be making some of the salaries people are throwing around on this thread. And what I wouldn't give if my husband was more of a provider and just made closer to what I make....