I didn’t fit into a type, really. I was academically successful and graduated seventh in my class, but I hung out with everyone and partied a lot. I also had a strong friend group at a different high school. I was regarded as pretty, and I hooked up a lot (but no sex), so some kids were unkind about that. I honestly have no idea what my high school peers would remember me as but I imagine it would be pretty different depending on who you asked. I did zero sports and focused on academics and art, writing, etc.

I spent my twenties traveling, going to grad school, working, living all over. Now I am 38, back in small town New England and I teach, am married, have two kids, a dog, the works. My life is very busy and very fulfilling. As someone who teaches high school, my observation is that the kids with stable families find their way for the most part. High achievers in academics, arts, music, whatever, are also successful after high school. Kids with passions and resources. But popularity is frankly not a predictor either way. Having a strong social network is enough. It doesn’t matter if those friends are the “cool kids” or not.

Nerdy/band/Natl Merit but also was extremely shy/anxious, slightly overweight, was bullied significantly through about 9th grade (a couple of nasty people continued after that) but also sexually abused at home (sibling responsible committed suicide complicating emotions further). So when I went far away on a pretty much full-ride scholarship I did well first semester, began to spiral second semester, then went to the other end of the US to a different school, still in a semi-spiral state, did not quite graduate, then really adrift up until a major mental breakdown (really, who gets coded messages from the cosmos via Days of Our Lives???? One mildly entertaining aspect of a horrendous year). Very slowly pulled myself up from the muck, went back for a real degree (figured out that what I liked and was good at was worth studying--STEM field) but also fell in love with the wrong person, ended up with a SN kid and did not finish grad school (dean said I had the highest GRE he had ever seen). Had another severe episode of depression but pulled myself out of the muck again and have an ok job, not a career (too old by then) and own a house-rundown but it is a house and paid for.

Has been hard to develop relationships with others (still close to some of my college friends) over the years because of feeling like my life was just so off-kilter relative to norms. At the same time I am sometimes impressed by the fact that considering where I was at times I am not homeless or stuck living on SSI in a subsidized apartment. And despite pot/acid/mushrooms/coke in college I never developed addictions to drugs or alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a druggie/nerd. Went on to play rock and roll for a while before going to law school. Now a parent and attorney. Life has turned out fine so far! But I would love it if my kids abstained from drugs and alcohol until at least college. Definitely had a few close calls and feel lucky I was unscathed by my wild years.

Same here: druggie/ nerd. I went to H-B Woodlawn in Arlington in the mid-late 90s, though, so I definitely wasn't in the minority amongst my classmates . DH was the same and had no problems majoring in Chemistry for undergrad because of it, LOLLL. No problems landing good jobs or anything after grauation. We have three little kids and lead a pretty normal life now, although he does occasionally use his skills to make marijuana oil for friends and family who suffer from cancer.

PP - pretty sure I know you. My husband was an H-B 1995 grad and all his friends are 94-98 grads that were heavily into the H-B party scene. H and I always joke about how amazingly well all his friends turned out considering how hard they all partied back then.

Excellent chance, although I didn't graduate in '95. The vast majority of people from I knew from school went on to be very successful, although most of us probably don't have jobs that require a top level security clearance

I was a total underachiever for the first 20 years of my life - to which I credit the verbally abusive nuns I had in my catholic grade school, and high school.

English was my second language so I was "tracked" into the remedial reading groups which wreaked complete havoc on my self-esteem. I was also not very cute/pretty. I was pretty much a loner because all the other students saw me as "different". I had only a couple of friends, who were also "different". I was never invited to parties - ever - not even in HS, where I was still an underachiever, but then added chubby to the equation.

It wasn't until I hit college that I blossomed. I finally realized I was smart. I dropped a bunch of weight. and my looks changed completely. After graduation I went on to a successful career in marketing. Not a super-star by any stretch, but happy, well-paid middle management and comfortable in life in general.

I married a guy who had been the MOST popular guy in school. He was a star athlete in HS, class president, and Prom King. Funny that I was never even asked out on a date until I was 19, much less asked to go to prom! I always tease him that if we'd met in HS he would not have even given me the time of day.

So life turned out pretty great for me, considering how it started out.

Anonymous wrote:You forgot the slutty type and that was me for sure. I did not have a reputation but I was really bad in high school. Mostly with people who did not go to my school.

Now I am the perfect SAHM and nobody knows my past.

I married you and I couldn’t be happier.

Anonymous wrote:Low income nerd, introvert, and jock. High school was VERY hard. I didn't get the grades the really good nerds got. I wasn't super-social because I was introverted. And I was good at sports, but not a star. I didn't hate high school, but it sure wasn't a time that I bloomed. I did much better in college.

I think teaching kids to be resilient is key, regardless of their innate personalities. Teach them to problem solve, make sure they have an expansive social network (not just school, for example, but outside groups), provide them with opportunities to succeed, remind them that some things will come easily while other things require hard work. And that as they become adults, their world gets bigger, with lots of different types of people in it. That in itself makes it much easier to fit in somewhere (and be successful at something she likes to do).

As for successful or not? I'm a lawyer, married, one kid, good job, healthy, and get to pursue some hobbies like travel. I'm not a superstar of any sort. But my life is good.

My brother, who was not great at school or sports, was Mr. Popular. He was handsome, had the best clothes, best haircut, best car, best girlfriends. His life is very much defined by struggle now, in his late 30s. Divorced, problems with his kids, struggling with his job. This is all anecdotal, of course, but his maintaining his focus on being popular and having the prettiest girlfriend/wife led to his failure to not develop other aspects of his life. "Pretty" and "handsome" and "cool car" don't get you through the tough times everyone faces eventually. Focus instead on being more well-rounded and resilient.

so so true. Good words of wisdom

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, really. I went to a private school where the vast majority of the kids worked hard, so I don't think nerds were really ostracized. There was a group of kids who were geeks, though, and people made fun of them. Then there were the jocks of course. I was in the vast middle ground. I had my group of friends, did orchestra and community service, yoga for my "sport" (we all had to pick a sport and lord knows I wasn't going to do anything else), and spent my weekends playing electric guitar in my room and watching movies with my friends.

I'm 32 now and am married with a kid. I have a job I love (and still play guitar). My husband was definitely bullied, but now he makes a ton of money as a marketing exec, so I guess joke's on those kids.

Why was he bullied?

Did he not have social skills

Did he get where he is now by being smart and social?
I imagine he had good networking skills

A guy here: I was someone who had almost everything going my way in high school: president of the student body in a good private school, captain of the football team, National Merit finalist, great SATs, not always in a relationship but had a series of very nice and attractive girlfriends, had a great family. One downside:just a so so grade average.
Went to a top 10 college and got graduate degrees from two top 10 professional schools.
Ended up in a successful mid-management government career with a happy family life and nice children. But not a top executive or holding a significant title.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was smart, athletic, social, pretty and confident. I didn't really care about cliques or anything else. I just did what I wanted and befriended who I wanted.

High school was a great time for me. I loved it. Had lots of friends, didn't care about peer pressure or any of the teen angst issues, had a lot of fun and just lived life.

This all carried through my late twenties and it has all been downhill from there. On paper I look successful but health issues, and life have just dragged me down. I would give a lot to regain the happiness and confidence I had in high school

This is very common: pretty, popular girls (and boys as well) peaking in high school. I wish I could understand why.

I am the poster you quoted. For me, my twenties remained pretty carefree. I worked a flexible job that paid enough to pay my bills and I lived frugally and saved and traveled alot. I didn't have a lot of commitments or responsibilities and life was just easy. In my late twenties all my friends started really progressing in their careers, buying houses, getting married, having kids etc... and I started to doubt myself. I started to feel like I had somehow missed the boat on growing up and being a proper adult. I didn't have a career or a family or a house or money and I started to really feel like I was wasting my 'potential'. What had been really great now started to look immature when looked at in parallel with the lives of my cohort. So I tried to change and to do the 'proper adult' things in life. I went back to grad school, worked a full time more career oriented job etc. But in my early 30s I started having health problems and had some significant family responsibilities and I still didn't seem to have the life my friends did. I didn't have a spouse or kids or a house and I had given up everything that to me made life and enjoyable. I dug in for a few years and tried hard to do everything the proper way but life just wore me down and now it just drudgery. I have a good career and I own a home and I still take the occasional trip but at the end of the day, I should have strayed true to who I was rather than trying to conform. Peer pressure, self doubt, insecurities - they hit me in my early thirties instead of in my teen years.

Propagating stereotypes is for losers. At least pretty much everyone here has one thing in common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a druggie/nerd. Went on to play rock and roll for a while before going to law school. Now a parent and attorney. Life has turned out fine so far! But I would love it if my kids abstained from drugs and alcohol until at least college. Definitely had a few close calls and feel lucky I was unscathed by my wild years.

Same here: druggie/ nerd. I went to H-B Woodlawn in Arlington in the mid-late 90s, though, so I definitely wasn't in the minority amongst my classmates . DH was the same and had no problems majoring in Chemistry for undergrad because of it, LOLLL. No problems landing good jobs or anything after grauation. We have three little kids and lead a pretty normal life now, although he does occasionally use his skills to make marijuana oil for friends and family who suffer from cancer.

PP - pretty sure I know you. My husband was an H-B 1995 grad and all his friends are 94-98 grads that were heavily into the H-B party scene. H and I always joke about how amazingly well all his friends turned out considering how hard they all partied back then.

The cool kids I knew didn't turn out that well-at least the mean ones. The nice ones did.