Anonymous wrote:When my children were very small, yes, I had some resentment (not very secret at all).

In retrospect my resentment was misplaced. What I should have resented was/is the lack of infrastructure in this country for maternity leave benefits. If we had a good system here, including paid maternity leave for an extended period of time (as e.g. Canada does), parents and children would benefit.

Anonymous wrote:NP here, and, yes, I do (resent my husband). For me, though, it's not about wanting to SAH full time, but to work part time. I have two little ones 1 and 3, and feel like I am missing out on the most formative years with them.

I work a full-time job, and and then also am expected to do all the cooking, grocery shopping, kids activities, lucn prep, weekend meal prep, etc. My husband won't even help take the kids to music class, dance class, birthday parties on the weekends (anytime he grudgingly agrees it is because of a fight), so I am running ragged on the weekends trying to crunch in everything. I have no time to myself at all.

Ideally, I would love to maintain my career by working part time and then have 2 days during the week that I am home with the kids, in addition to weekends, so we could do the mom-kids things that I envy SAHMs get to do with their kids. I wish my husband would help co-parent more, and help with other things around the house. Even simple things like home maintenance, he just says "NO" and then expects me to call the handyman, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I am the same Type A I was prior to kids, only I channel my energy into my job as a SAHM now."

How much Type A energy does it take to deal with the boredom and drudgery of child care and housework?

I would say more than it takes to work a boring 9-5 office job staring at a computer.

Anonymous wrote:"I am the same Type A I was prior to kids, only I channel my energy into my job as a SAHM now."

How much Type A energy does it take to deal with the boredom and drudgery of child care and housework?

Anonymous wrote:I think that at least some of these jabs at SAH moms really are about class envy. In my heart of hearts--and I don't feel proud of this assumption--but when I see lexus SUV driving, well educated, well coiffed, SAH moms hitting the gym for their yoga class, I realize that there is a part of me that is simply envious about the economic freedom that choice seems to represent. Its not that I want to SAH (and not that I resent DH because he doesn't make enough for me to SAH), its that the choice to SAH seems to represent a fair amount of economic freedom. I know that is not the case--that in some families there is a real financial sacrifice (and in some cases it is a wash--in mine, my salary is not much greater than my childcare costs)--but I think that what fuels some of the jabs at SAH mothers (really the dads dont get this much criticism lobbed at them) it's not really about them conforming to some stereotype so much as it is about money. so yeah, if I were to be dismissive of a SAHM, its not because I don't respect her choice--its probably because I'm envious that she had the choice and I don't.

Anonymous wrote:How about you make more money so DH can stay home with the kids? Maybe he secretly resents you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who's so offended by my use of the term "gender stereotyping": First off, when men start opting to stay home as often as women do, then maybe it won't be a gender sterotype. But until then, yes, it's somehow usually the woman's job to leave the work force and stay home taking care of the kids and the house. (Because she makes so much less money. And I won't even go into why THAT'S the case.) And second, let's not forget what gave you your much-vaunted "choice": a husband. No man, no "choice". No wonder you're so defensive. Face it; some of us decided to stay home and our kids did great. Others decided to work and our kids also did great. Neither option guarantees a perfect outcome, as you will one day realize.

I understand what a stereotype is. What I am asking you to understand is that making the decision to SAH was not driven by stereotypes, or because DH expected me to, because 'society' expected me to, or because I was less skilled or making so much less than DH. I was making slightly more. I wanted to care for my own children full time. You apparently think it makes no difference whether children have a SAH parent - I beg to differ.

You might think this is terribly old-fashioned too, but um, no husband, no "child." At least in my case. And who said anything about having idealized visions of "perfect outcomes?" Things are not "perfect", even now. But please do not reduce my decision to dedicate some years full time to my kids as a poor little woman succumbing to stereotypes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

Let me get this straight. You are sooooooo offended by PPs remarks about women who earn low wages, but you have no problem looking down your nose at SAHMs because they earn no wages. High and mighty only when it suits you. Since SAHMs are so lowly to you, perhaps you WOH because the work of SAHM and the child care providers you love and defend so dearly is beneath you. snooty, snooty, snooty....

Anonymous wrote:
Ooookay, Donna Reed. What options did DH have if "it goes both ways"?