Thank you 1:16! Very well said. I concur!

Why do women beat up on each other for choices like this? Men don't sit around berating one another for having children at 32 versus 46 so why do women?
Women sometimes have children late for many reasons, and oftentimes it can not be helped. Leave it be and just try to be supportive for one another rather than shooting older women down for these very personal choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I am 46 and raising my 3 year old twins...a result of my OWN eggs, and a great deal of wonderful medical investment from Dominion Fertility.

Would I have WISHED to be younger, and not have needed fertility treatment to get pregnant?...YES.

But life didn't work that way for me...and, in retrospect, it is a good thing it didn't. I can't imagine spending life trying to have a family with the men that I "almost" married, throughout my life. I can't imagine having a different partner than my (found late in life) husband. I can't imagine my life without my three wonderful step-children, that we invested 3 years into developing relationships with, BEFORE we got married. I can't imagine having a different family working together to raise my two beautiful children.

Regrets...I was a late in life baby for my mom and dad...and with may 'late' parenthood... I regret that my mother died suddenly, before she could hold my babies in her arms. I regret that my Dad doesn't get to participate in my children's lives as much as he would like. I regret that I spent so much time in my 20s and 30s worrying about finding Mr Right and having kids...it worked the way it was meant to work!

I DON'T regret the husband I finally found...I don't regret the time we invested in family that existed, prior to starting our new family together...and I don't regret having my children.

Life takes one in so many different directions...many over which you have no control.

My best advice? Get on the life train, ride the ride, and do your best to live it to the fullest, without any preconceived notions of how it SHOULD work out.

I now KNOW, that I was the PERFECT parent-- before I had children of my own.

Also, at 23, I was completely incapable of taking care of myself, well...let alone take care of children. And I am talking NOT about, feeding, clothing, meeting the basic needs...but CARING for another human life, to the best of my emotional, physical, and mental abilities. I am a much more grounded, better person (and likely a better parent) at 46 than I would have been at 23.

Amen. I had my wonderful DD 3 months shy of age 44. I went out with so many duds at age 23, 30, 35..would have been divorced from any of them. Met my wonderful man and my daughter is being raised in a happy home. Just wish I had had twins too because she is an only..a lucky only. Good Luck to you!!

The PP did not have a baby at 23. She said she was 23 years old & her mother was mid-50s. No one has said they had a baby at 23.
Glad you had babies at 40+, very fortunate.

I am dealing with both infertility, that's unlikely to be resolved with a biological child, and two very ill parents, who are not going to get better. It's a very strange and trying time. I'm in my early 40's. It's so very hard to think of losing my parents, and to be dealing with their care in my 30's and 40's. This experience weighs on my decision of whether or not to adopt. No matter how great a parent I am to my child, they will experience my old age at a relatively young age. And I speak from experience when I say that that's profoundly difficult. There's not a platitude out there that can negate that. I do think the OP was cavalier in her comments. I don't think age should stop people from becoming parents. But I do need to consider the effect my age would have on a child. It is not a case of, "Everything will work out somehow." It's a big deal. At the very least, it should inform how well I take care of myself. I know this longing for a child and I feel it every day. Yes, I will probably be a better parent now than 15 years ago. Yes, my husband is a better man than who I was dating then. But that doesn't mean my child's finances, living situation, and emotions won't be really affected by the age of their parents. Does this mean we shouldn't adopt? Not necessarily. But I shouldn't kid myself that my decision to have a child in my 40's does not carry a downside for the child. I'm living it.

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I am 46 and raising my 3 year old twins...a result of my OWN eggs, and a great deal of wonderful medical investment from Dominion Fertility.

Would I have WISHED to be younger, and not have needed fertility treatment to get pregnant?...YES.

But life didn't work that way for me...and, in retrospect, it is a good thing it didn't. I can't imagine spending life trying to have a family with the men that I "almost" married, throughout my life. I can't imagine having a different partner than my (found late in life) husband. I can't imagine my life without my three wonderful step-children, that we invested 3 years into developing relationships with, BEFORE we got married. I can't imagine having a different family working together to raise my two beautiful children.

Regrets...I was a late in life baby for my mom and dad...and with may 'late' parenthood... I regret that my mother died suddenly, before she could hold my babies in her arms. I regret that my Dad doesn't get to participate in my children's lives as much as he would like. I regret that I spent so much time in my 20s and 30s worrying about finding Mr Right and having kids...it worked the way it was meant to work!

I DON'T regret the husband I finally found...I don't regret the time we invested in family that existed, prior to starting our new family together...and I don't regret having my children.

Life takes one in so many different directions...many over which you have no control.

My best advice? Get on the life train, ride the ride, and do your best to live it to the fullest, without any preconceived notions of how it SHOULD work out.

I now KNOW, that I was the PERFECT parent-- before I had children of my own.

Also, at 23, I was completely incapable of taking care of myself, well...let alone take care of children. And I am talking NOT about, feeding, clothing, meeting the basic needs...but CARING for another human life, to the best of my emotional, physical, and mental abilities. I am a much more grounded, better person (and likely a better parent) at 46 than I would have been at 23.

Amen. I had my wonderful DD 3 months shy of age 44. I went out with so many duds at age 23, 30, 35..would have been divorced from any of them. Met my wonderful man and my daughter is being raised in a happy home. Just wish I had had twins too because she is an only..a lucky only. Good Luck to you!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

It obviously depends on the family. I was 46 when my twins were born. My mother passed her 80th birthday and her 11 month old twin grandsons attended. She's ecstatic. And my mother still has the same drive an energy at 80 that she did at 50. For 5 days, she had 6 of us living in her house, while another 5 stayed at a local hotel. She cooked for everyone and was still the family matriarch. She is still working. My mother and I are still best friends. After everyone else turns in, we cook together or we do projects together or we do our own thing and just talk as we do those things. We are extremely close.

Personally I don't understand how you could have a child at 23? I graduated college and traveled and hiked and did outdoors stuff like white-water rafting and rock climbing and did many things that I couldn't possibly do with a family. I was able to be young and enjoy my youth. Now, I have no regrets of things that I missed out on because I had a family. When your kids are in college, are there going to be things that you regretted that you never did when you were young?

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I am 46 and raising my 3 year old twins...a result of my OWN eggs, and a great deal of wonderful medical investment from Dominion Fertility.

Would I have WISHED to be younger, and not have needed fertility treatment to get pregnant?...YES.

But life didn't work that way for me...and, in retrospect, it is a good thing it didn't. I can't imagine spending life trying to have a family with the men that I "almost" married, throughout my life. I can't imagine having a different partner than my (found late in life) husband. I can't imagine my life without my three wonderful step-children, that we invested 3 years into developing relationships with, BEFORE we got married. I can't imagine having a different family working together to raise my two beautiful children.

Regrets...I was a late in life baby for my mom and dad...and with may 'late' parenthood... I regret that my mother died suddenly, before she could hold my babies in her arms. I regret that my Dad doesn't get to participate in my children's lives as much as he would like. I regret that I spent so much time in my 20s and 30s worrying about finding Mr Right and having kids...it worked the way it was meant to work!

I DON'T regret the husband I finally found...I don't regret the time we invested in family that existed, prior to starting our new family together...and I don't regret having my children.

Life takes one in so many different directions...many over which you have no control.

My best advice? Get on the life train, ride the ride, and do your best to live it to the fullest, without any preconceived notions of how it SHOULD work out.

I now KNOW, that I was the PERFECT parent-- before I had children of my own.

Also, at 23, I was completely incapable of taking care of myself, well...let alone take care of children. And I am talking NOT about, feeding, clothing, meeting the basic needs...but CARING for another human life, to the best of my emotional, physical, and mental abilities. I am a much more grounded, better person (and likely a better parent) at 46 than I would have been at 23.

Her mother was 32 when she had her - not 23!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

Right. Because it's all about you. How about if you grow up and then get back to us? Perhaps if your mother had done the same, she'd have reared a less self-absorbed daughter?

New poster here, but I think this is a relevant point. My mom is in her 50s now and is now having to deal with her own mother in the hospital for nearly 4 months now slowly dying. It is horrible. My mom has spent the last decade being her sole caretaker. I think it would have been ever harder to have to deal with that at a young age.

To be clear though I have nothing against older parents. I think there are pros and cons to being on the young side and the not so young side.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

Right. Because it's all about you. How about if you grow up and then get back to us? Perhaps if your mother had done the same, she'd have reared a less self-absorbed daughter?

All I've done is stated my opinion on the matter. I believe this is encouraged in forums as it is what keeps them going. Clearly you are very insecure on this issue which is why you have taken so much offense from my post.

Agree (that you are just stating your opinion). You raised a good point I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

It obviously depends on the family. I was 46 when my twins were born. My mother passed her 80th birthday and her 11 month old twin grandsons attended. She's ecstatic. And my mother still has the same drive an energy at 80 that she did at 50. For 5 days, she had 6 of us living in her house, while another 5 stayed at a local hotel. She cooked for everyone and was still the family matriarch. She is still working. My mother and I are still best friends. After everyone else turns in, we cook together or we do projects together or we do our own thing and just talk as we do those things. We are extremely close.

Personally I don't understand how you could have a child at 23? I graduated college and traveled and hiked and did outdoors stuff like white-water rafting and rock climbing and did many things that I couldn't possibly do with a family. I was able to be young and enjoy my youth. Now, I have no regrets of things that I missed out on because I had a family. When your kids are in college, are there going to be things that you regretted that you never did when you were young?

She did not say she had a baby at 23. She said her mother was mid-50 and she felt that was a great age (in relation to her being 23) - so this means her mother had her at the age of 32.

12:38 here again:

PS...I am a Dominion Patient, and the 47 year old mother by NCIVF is true. They don't have the oldest mother using her own eggs...I believe that record goes to New Hope (The Doc there is a past student of Dr. D at Dominion).

I don't see where this is so surprising to anyone...again...it is the ODDS (not so great, but in the ODDS) that some women will have limited ability to have children into their 50s.

It's just that very rarely do you have someone that is actually attempting pregnancy at that age...and gets help.

The late 40's ladies are usually the 'oops' babies.

BTW...after 3 IVF attempts, I also had an 'oops' pregnancy happen after my twins were born. It didn't work out for us...the pregnancy spontaneously aborted...but it DOES happen!

Funny, I am 46 and raising my 3 year old twins...a result of my OWN eggs, and a great deal of wonderful medical investment from Dominion Fertility.

Would I have WISHED to be younger, and not have needed fertility treatment to get pregnant?...YES.

But life didn't work that way for me...and, in retrospect, it is a good thing it didn't. I can't imagine spending life trying to have a family with the men that I "almost" married, throughout my life. I can't imagine having a different partner than my (found late in life) husband. I can't imagine my life without my three wonderful step-children, that we invested 3 years into developing relationships with, BEFORE we got married. I can't imagine having a different family working together to raise my two beautiful children.

Regrets...I was a late in life baby for my mom and dad...and with may 'late' parenthood... I regret that my mother died suddenly, before she could hold my babies in her arms. I regret that my Dad doesn't get to participate in my children's lives as much as he would like. I regret that I spent so much time in my 20s and 30s worrying about finding Mr Right and having kids...it worked the way it was meant to work!

I DON'T regret the husband I finally found...I don't regret the time we invested in family that existed, prior to starting our new family together...and I don't regret having my children.

Life takes one in so many different directions...many over which you have no control.

My best advice? Get on the life train, ride the ride, and do your best to live it to the fullest, without any preconceived notions of how it SHOULD work out.

I now KNOW, that I was the PERFECT parent-- before I had children of my own.

Also, at 23, I was completely incapable of taking care of myself, well...let alone take care of children. And I am talking NOT about, feeding, clothing, meeting the basic needs...but CARING for another human life, to the best of my emotional, physical, and mental abilities. I am a much more grounded, better person (and likely a better parent) at 46 than I would have been at 23.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

Right. Because it's all about you. How about if you grow up and then get back to us? Perhaps if your mother had done the same, she'd have reared a less self-absorbed daughter?

All I've done is stated my opinion on the matter. I believe this is encouraged in forums as it is what keeps them going. Clearly you are very insecure on this issue which is why you have taken so much offense from my post.

But you've done so in a very judgmental and hypercritical way. You are young enough to still believe that there is one true way to do things and you offensively criticize those who choose otherwise. As has been pointed out, this is immature and judgmental. When you've matured and grown a little, you may realize that there are more ways than one to have a family and that what works for you may not be right for someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

Right. Because it's all about you. How about if you grow up and then get back to us? Perhaps if your mother had done the same, she'd have reared a less self-absorbed daughter?

All I've done is stated my opinion on the matter. I believe this is encouraged in forums as it is what keeps them going. Clearly you are very insecure on this issue which is why you have taken so much offense from my post.

NP here. Maybe you should re-read your post. Your opinion includes calling people names (selfish) for having children later in life. It may not be YOUR ideal family situation, but to call someone selfish because they aren't conforming to your ideals is well....immature and judgemental.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am another who just doesn't understand having children so late in life. I understand it must be horrible to realize you may never have kids, but it seems so selfish to have a child at 47. I'm 23 and I do all sorts of activities with my mother and we are so close because of it. I doubt she would still be able to do these activities at 73. Which is how old the OP will be when her daughter is my age. Yes the OP could live to be 100, but the chances of her having health issues are so much greater as she gets older. I am so thankful that my mother is healthy and active. How do you think your daughter is going to handle you having a stoke or heart attack before she is even out of school? Not to mention, she is also at a higher risk of health issues because you had her so old. This post is probably going to be deleted, but I just wanted to share how I feel as a 23 year old to have my mom only be in her mid 50's. There are so many things I have to handle right now, but I am so thankful an aging parent isn't one of them.

Right. Because it's all about you. How about if you grow up and then get back to us? Perhaps if your mother had done the same, she'd have reared a less self-absorbed daughter?

All I've done is stated my opinion on the matter. I believe this is encouraged in forums as it is what keeps them going. Clearly you are very insecure on this issue which is why you have taken so much offense from my post.