Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 16:32     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

Ehh.
I don’t think this relationship is going to work.


Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 16:21     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you also into gender norms? Did you want an engagement ring? Does he pick up the bill more often? Doe he buy you flowers?

If you like gender norms traditions when they benefit you, then you have to accept ones that matter to him too.


OP's BF: "I want you to propose to me."

OP has to say by DCUM standards: "OK."

If not, we will rightly assert she hates men.



I'm a woman who kept my own name and we talked about getting married instead of some grandiose proposal. I think you're trying a bit too hard to prove a point that does not exist.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 16:17     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:Are you also into gender norms? Did you want an engagement ring? Does he pick up the bill more often? Doe he buy you flowers?

If you like gender norms traditions when they benefit you, then you have to accept ones that matter to him too.


OP's BF: "I want you to propose to me."

OP has to say by DCUM standards: "OK."

If not, we will rightly assert she hates men.

Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 16:07     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:A woman who truly loves the guy she says she wants to marry doesn't think twice about taking his last name. In fact, she wants to.

A man who really and truly loves the gal he says he wants to marry doesn't think twice about taking her last name. In fact, he wants to.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 16:02     Subject: Re:Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
I have a double barrelled last name and I wish I hadn't done that. Should've kept my own name or outright taken his but not both; I think the two names don't go well together and I have to always spell mine b/c it's an uncommon Italian name. In any case, sorry that your fiance is being difficult.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 16:02     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:so do you use the em dash or the hyphen, watch the autocorrect reak havoc as systems won't be able to chose between. Not worth it.


Oh ffs you are insuferable. Please learn how to write, spell and punctuate.


Typos in a forum post do not change the point.

The issue is not whether I personally typed perfectly. The issue is that names with hyphens, spaces, apostrophes, multiple surnames, or special characters are handled inconsistently across real systems. Airline tickets, boarding passes, TSA, passports, school records, insurance, banks, HR systems, medical portals, background checks, and government forms often do not format names the same way.

Sometimes the hyphen is dropped. Sometimes the names are merged. Sometimes one part is treated as a middle name. Sometimes the name is truncated. Sometimes the boarding pass or profile does not match the ID cleanly.

That is the practical point. Attacking spelling does not refute it.


It's a practical non-issue in the context of surnames. The issue you describe is an issue with apostrophe names, internal space names, umlauts/accents names, just to mention a few. The real point is, if she was taking her French husbands surname "de L'Espinasse" nobody would be taking about systems, special characters, and SAT tests. To suggest otherwise is fantasy. It's a desperation move of finding a practical reason to oppose something you have no other justification for opposing.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:55     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:double barreled names are so tiresome especially when doing paperwork. If you have a different name from your children you are also forever questioned by authorities when traveling. Just break up, let this man find someone else to marry.


Double barrelled names only add two extra seconds to the paperwork. Stop being so lazy.

Also, I have a different last name from my kids and have never been hassled on any of the many trips we have taken. It has literally NEVER been an issue.


Same
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:51     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:double barreled names are so tiresome especially when doing paperwork. If you have a different name from your children you are also forever questioned by authorities when traveling. Just break up, let this man find someone else to marry.


Double barrelled names only add two extra seconds to the paperwork. Stop being so lazy.

Also, I have a different last name from my kids and have never been hassled on any of the many trips we have taken. It has literally NEVER been an issue.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:50     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a same sex couple?


OP.
Nope. I'm a woman and he's a man.


My wife stayed with her last name. My kids have my last name. No issues at all.


Because the kids have YOUR last name! That's why there isn't any issues. Did you even consider having the kids have her last name? Probably not

My husband and I had this conversation. I kept my name, and he said he wanted the kids to have his name. He acknowledged that it was irrational but he felt strongly about it. I agreed, as long as I got to pick their first names. He agreed. He cared more than I did about last names, and I got the first names I cared more about (which were family names from my family). Worked out for us
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:49     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:Both of you pick a number and that becomes their last name. Jill Fourth and Jim Fourth. You two keep your last name or become Fourths.


Euler-Mascheroni Constant
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:46     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Definitely pick the name that is not near end of alphabet. My kids are always at the ends of lists and sometimes they run out of stuff before getting to end of alphabet. I wish peolel would mix it up more and do it backwards sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:44     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Both of you pick a number and that becomes their last name. Jill Fourth and Jim Fourth. You two keep your last name or become Fourths.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:42     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
You choose first names for your kids and he gets to give them his last name.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:40     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:Are you also into gender norms? Did you want an engagement ring? Does he pick up the bill more often? Doe he buy you flowers?

If you like gender norms traditions when they benefit you, then you have to accept ones that matter to him too.


This is a fair point.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 15:39     Subject: Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.
Anonymous wrote:so do you use the em dash or the hyphen, watch the autocorrect reak havoc as systems won't be able to chose between. Not worth it.


I can't tell if this is trolling to bait team hyphen, or if it's sarcasm trolling to make the never hyphen people look stupid.