Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

Or it’s not survivable. Lots of people kill themselves because life gets too hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

Or it’s not survivable. Lots of people kill themselves because life gets too hard.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not fashionable to quote Joe Rogan, but he made an observation that stuck with me that the hardest thing that ever happened to you is the hardest thing to ever happen to you (or something like that). The idea being that whatever seems hard to you now will seem more survivable once something harder happens.

In my case, I’m a special needs parent with a demanding (but highly remunerative) job. I love my son more than words can express, and I’m grateful for my position which blunts many of the difficulties that comes with being a special needs parent, but I do see posts like this or email blasts at work talking about balance or some such and kind of mourn a piece of our life that we’ll never had. Before I had kids, I got why it’d be hard to work through your kid’s baseball game. Now I’d give pretty much anything to know that feeling because a kid who can play baseball is a kid who will probably live independently someday. And there’s no workplace seminar or brown bag lunch for working through that sentiment— you gotta figure it out on your own.

In my case, I sometimes see the working poor or a single mom struggling with a kid whose child’s difficulties resemble my own and I find myself wondering “man, I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Hard things can be harder. And even that’s survivable. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Anonymous wrote:Right! I’m a millennial and this is the first time in my entire working life that I have zero flexibility. And at the same time, dh also lost all flexibility. Like we can’t even telework when very contagious. We aren’t even allowed to work telework while on business trips.

Dh and I likely wouldn’t have had a second or third child if we knew our lives would be this miserable. We had pleasant lives just 1.5 years ago and had no issue juggling. Something has to give and it feels like schools are our biggest pain points. It’s just insane to me how they get to cancel for the threat of snow. Or for every election and random holiday. More consistent schooling is needed. And 8 hours a day of school. Kids are consistently falling behind while also having no time for recess or lunch.

——————-
Hang in there! Assuming you live in MoCo and work for the Govt. MoCo has lost the plot in regards to the education mission of schools.

Try to find some other families to team up with and take turns covering the insane amount of days MoCo schools are closed.

We are at a major inflection point. Are we going back to the 50’s when women only had the option to stay at home and take care of the kids? Or are we going to demand flexibility and support for families with community daycare and after school programs that allow people to work and manage the school day/work day gap?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same. I focused more on my kids this year because one needed a lot of help in the first year of high school, and my career took a hit. It's the first year in my career that I haven't met my hours goal. It feels like I can't win at both. I know some moms can pull it off, but throw in one wrinkle, like a neurodivergent kid, and it feels almost impossible.

This. I left full time work years ago and it never feels fair. But my neurodivergent kid needs more support than any nanny is willing to provide, and was one infraction away from being suspended from group childcare. We now spend our lives in therapy waiting rooms. OP, can you take a break? It gave my family so much sanity back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Isn't this the Feminist dream?

Genuine question - what motivates you to post this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That scenario sounds great for the husband. Your aunt would’ve been screwed in a divorce. I’d rather have the ability and expectation to support myself.

My Aunt was love of his life, they were married 60 years. My Aunt had a sixth grade education. Hard to belive. But if alive today she be 96 and she was born a poor town in Northern Ireland. Under NYC law she gets half of husbands income and assets. She married him while he still lived at home and in college!!

Back in those days, women got the house, alimony and child support and 1/2 the assets. You are most likely too young to remember but in the 1960s the USA top Federal income tax bracket was 90 percent. And NYS Income tax 11 percent. My uncle was in top tax bracket.

She did go back to work for awhile when kids are older. The women and men at work all knew she was very very rich. I recally my Uncle saying she was paing 99 percent tax on her full time $10,000 a year job so taking home only $100 bucks a year. And in divorce my Uncle was entitled to 50% or $50 bucks. Back then Country Clubs were packed on Wednesday as a lot of Lawyers/Doctors only wanted to work 4 days a week as once you hit highest tax bracket why work 5 days.

So Dad worked Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and Mom stayed home. My brother joined a country club in 1992 on Long Island and Wed was called Family Day still. Mom, Dad, Kids all come.

Economically the 60s were magical, mostly because the rest of the world was still a smoking hole from WWII and we were the only industrial power.

So what if your uncle was abusive and refused divorce (no fault divorce wasn’t a thing). What if he gambled away all their earnings? She would have limited options compared to today.

Honestly, being married to a loving wealthy husband is always the best time to be alive.