Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DP. I don’t mean to disparage PP’s work but my guess is that she didn’t take long and is poking back at a very unhealthy poster. I don’t think she is the one who is unhinged here . . .

+1

In any conflict, most people seek to understand why each person feels the conflict started and how it can be resolved.

However, when one party cannot accept that they could have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

NP

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

From the OP:

Me: there’s no room for anything else in the fridge. And would you mind cutting it?

DH: I don’t have time and there are no containers that fit it.

So at that point you're saying OP was THEN responsible for saying to her husband, "your response is frustrating to me because I feel like you don't see how this is going to cause problems for me, etc."?

I find it a bit ridiculous that OP is supposed to explain to her husband how what he did made her feel instead of him being an adult and figuring out why it's a problem after she told him what the issue is and asked him to address it. He had all the information he needed to understand the issue. So instead of making it into a bigger thing, OP decided to vent on an anonymous forum to feel less alone and then will likely move past the watermelon issue.

It's already been established that venting is unhealthy.

The watermelon isn't the issue. OP and her husband have a communication problem if they can't resolve these simple matters without unhealthy venting.

Lol to you any time any woman describes poor behavior in a man it is "unhealthy venting". OP needs to be a good wife and understand that her DH is too busy and important (unlike her) to cut up the massive watermelon he chose to buy.

I'm not one of the researchers who produced studies on unhealthy venting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DP. I don’t mean to disparage PP’s work but my guess is that she didn’t take long and is poking back at a very unhealthy poster. I don’t think she is the one who is unhinged here . . .

+1

In any conflict, most people seek to understand why each person feels the conflict started and how it can be resolved.

However, when one party cannot accept that they could have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

NP

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

From the OP:

Me: there’s no room for anything else in the fridge. And would you mind cutting it?

DH: I don’t have time and there are no containers that fit it.

So at that point you're saying OP was THEN responsible for saying to her husband, "your response is frustrating to me because I feel like you don't see how this is going to cause problems for me, etc."?

I find it a bit ridiculous that OP is supposed to explain to her husband how what he did made her feel instead of him being an adult and figuring out why it's a problem after she told him what the issue is and asked him to address it. He had all the information he needed to understand the issue. So instead of making it into a bigger thing, OP decided to vent on an anonymous forum to feel less alone and then will likely move past the watermelon issue.

It's already been established that venting is unhealthy.

The watermelon isn't the issue. OP and her husband have a communication problem if they can't resolve these simple matters without unhealthy venting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Don't you see? Your husband works hard! You should not be seeking validation for your annoyances with his behavior. You should be trying to understand how you are the underlying cause of them. I mean, I know many of you work outside the home and bring in as much or more income than your husbands, but that is because you are selfish shrews that hate your children.

s/

You seem very invested in the correctness of insulting your husband on message board. You are also a big fan of hyperbole or misunderstanding differing posts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Explain what would be funny about your daughter's husband being inconsiderate toward her.

Sounds like the plot for every sitcom from the 1990s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Explain what would be funny about your daughter's husband being inconsiderate toward her.

Anonymous wrote: Right, which is why people are anonymously venting on an anonymous Internet forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Don't you see? Your husband works hard! You should not be seeking validation for your annoyances with his behavior. You should be trying to understand how you are the underlying cause of them. I mean, I know many of you work outside the home and bring in as much or more income than your husbands, but that is because you are selfish shrews that hate your children.

s/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Anonymous wrote:No wonder why DCUM is so full of single or divorced 35+ women who own lots of cats. Jeez….so so many misandrists in DC. Guys be careful. Rent them don’t buy them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

Right, which is why people are anonymously venting on an anonymous Internet forum.

Unless social niceties and pretenses now apply to DCUM?

We can still tell you your posts are harmful, not helpful. You can post what you want. Everyone else gets to react.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

And to further add: it’s socially acceptable to vent a little. It’s not socially acceptable to say “my DH doesn’t give a sh-t about me or the kids but I’m stuck until they’re more independent or I’m more financially independent.” That’s isolating. Let people vent here, sheesh.

It’s not socially acceptable to call your spouse lazy and careless. That’s what many of us are telling you.

Right, which is why people are anonymously venting on an anonymous Internet forum.

Unless social niceties and pretenses now apply to DCUM?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

And to further add: it’s socially acceptable to vent a little. It’s not socially acceptable to say “my DH doesn’t give a sh-t about me or the kids but I’m stuck until they’re more independent or I’m more financially independent.” That’s isolating. Let people vent here, sheesh.

It’s not socially acceptable to call your spouse lazy and careless. That’s what many of us are telling you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

And to further add: it’s socially acceptable to vent a little. It’s not socially acceptable to say “my DH doesn’t give a sh-t about me or the kids but I’m stuck until they’re more independent or I’m more financially independent.” That’s isolating. Let people vent here, sheesh.