Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I have a test too… any woman who on the first date is telling me one thing (“Let’s split the check”) but expecting another (that I refuse to honor her request) clearly has issues with clear communication and enjoys playing manipulative games. Hard pass.

She's literally tricking men and wonders why she's single! There was no winning for this guy he was screwed either decision he made: he splits it thinking she's independent (she's clearly not) he loses, he pays and disregards her request he's ignoring her he loses.

Ops mental games are pathetic!

Listen, I’m single because I want to keep dating, don’t want to settle on guys like that and I’m single like for a few months. If I was single never married and childless - you could have an argument

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound exhausting.

+1 no wonder you are single.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I have a test too… any woman who on the first date is telling me one thing (“Let’s split the check”) but expecting another (that I refuse to honor her request) clearly has issues with clear communication and enjoys playing manipulative games. Hard pass.

She's literally tricking men and wonders why she's single! There was no winning for this guy he was screwed either decision he made: he splits it thinking she's independent (she's clearly not) he loses, he pays and disregards her request he's ignoring her he loses.

Ops mental games are pathetic!

OP here: to be fair to men, 90% of them just say “no, I got it “ or something like that, with a smile “you can treat me next time to a dinner at your home”. He still has an option not to insist too much, if the woman turns out feminist and keeps insisting on splitting. But voicing an objection is important . It is important that he understands HE invited me out and knows these unspoken rules. Also opening a door for me, or moving a chair as we are getting seated. Men who do those things get too scores from me.
The guy was rejected because he 1) appeared excited to see me sign the check and didn’t even leave much tip 2) thought he had right to grope me on date 1 without asking. The 2) actually follows from 1) because he’s overly considering himself a “prize”.
So yes, I’ll keep testing but obviously normal 90% men wouldn’t know it was a test.

Anonymous wrote:Op, with your income level you should have a Matchmaker!

Anonymous wrote:He dodged a GARGANTUAN bullet.

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Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

Whether she is playing a teenager or no, her test gave valid results, did it not? There are only two types of men, the ones who are willing to accept money from the woman they asked on a first date, and the ones who will protest their date’s token gesture and pay without hesitation. It is a test because it reliably (and quickly) weeds out the former type of man. “She only wants the guy who will spend money on her!” the former type of man complains. Why do you think that is? Perhaps he thinks she’s worth it, and she - on some very deep level - understand this.

The problem is the information asymmetry. Yes, her test quickly selects for the guys she wants. However, it doesn’t tell the guys - either the ones she wants or the ones she doesn’t - that she’s the kind of woman who plays unstated games in choosing a guy. The ones she picks deserve to know that, because a lot of men want to be with a woman who communicates clearly rather than playing around. They don’t learn that they should drop her if they don’t like that approach.

You misunderstand the test. The test reveals the type of man who would refuse cash from a woman he invited on a date *even if she offers*. The type of man who freely accepts a woman’s money on a first date has communicated a quality about himself that OP knows will not work for her in a relationship. “She should’ve communicated clearly!” means you require a woman to tell you how to act, which is precisely what OP does not want in a date.

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I have a test too… any woman who on the first date is telling me one thing (“Let’s split the check”) but expecting another (that I refuse to honor her request) clearly has issues with clear communication and enjoys playing manipulative games. Hard pass.

She's literally tricking men and wonders why she's single! There was no winning for this guy he was screwed either decision he made: he splits it thinking she's independent (she's clearly not) he loses, he pays and disregards her request he's ignoring her he loses.

Ops mental games are pathetic!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I have a test too… any woman who on the first date is telling me one thing (“Let’s split the check”) but expecting another (that I refuse to honor her request) clearly has issues with clear communication and enjoys playing manipulative games. Hard pass.

She's literally tricking men and wonders why she's single! There was no winning for this guy he was screwed either decision he made: he splits it thinking she's independent (she's clearly not) he loses, he pays and disregards her request he's ignoring her he loses.

Ops mental games are pathetic!

Anonymous wrote:As a guy I have a test too… any woman who on the first date is telling me one thing (“Let’s split the check”) but expecting another (that I refuse to honor her request) clearly has issues with clear communication and enjoys playing manipulative games. Hard pass.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be a trad wife, we get it. This man is not for you.

Actually, not. I want to have a partner who is truly giving and generous. And who would support me in difficult times. I make half a million and was contributing higher share towards joint expenses in marriage and a relationship I had post divorce. But being ok when a woman to take out her wallet in restaurants is demeaning to me. I don’t want to be that woman

Then don’t do it. I don’t because I know I have no intention of paying so no need to do the credit card fake out game.

OP here: I actually consider your approach riskier. A man would get tired of paying and will grow resentful all the time. I do explain to the guy who proved himself being a generous person after 3 dates or so that I do contribute. I start inviting men I like for concerts, I gave men presents, covered some of the joint trip costs in the past etc. But I do explain that gender roles matter to me even in equal partners relationship. Paying for a man's drinks&food, and doing it publicly is somehow very uncomfortable to me. When I see a couple going Dutch in restaurants, her pulling out her wallet, singing a check - for some reason I feel sorry for the woman in those couples.
That's just not for me.

And you are giving BJs and doing dishes and laundry on the first few dates to show him your "traditional gender role" potential? Or just expecting men to lavish you with dates and gifts?

Not on the first few dates. But I enjoy giving BJ later on, when both are exclusive and tested Dishes are just loaded in the dishwasher nowadays - NBD

Anonymous wrote:Why did your last husband dump you?

Being a middle aged divorcee is not the flex you think it is.