Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not especially relevant if kids “like” daycare. Obviously it’s much better if they do but it can still be an undesirable setup in terms of cortisol control, emotional regulation, exposure to aggression, etc. It can dictate how effective your own parenting is. Try doing oh crap or RIE when your child is in a center and you’ll be undercut all day long.

Daycares also allow so little risky play (understandably!) and food and naps are all based on convenience. An individual caregiver—dad, nanny, grandma—can allow a child much more independence and autonomy. That matters for everything from anxiety prevention to gut health.

Parents also mistakenly believe that all the enrichment found in daycares matters. It doesn’t—a toddler doesn’t need to be shuffled from art to cooking to French in siloed stations.

You act like daycare is a behemoth

Good lord the extent that some women will go to to justify not working is insane. Work isn’t that bad you know

As any SAHP of small children can tell you, office work is far easier than caretaking. Women aren’t trying to avoid work. The SAH bashing on here is insane. I am convinced that 99% of women have such abominable levels of internalized misogyny that their heads would explode if they started to unpack it.

It's not that hard. My observation is that the people who claim it's so hard are incredibly self-absorbed at baseline, so the entire world not revolving around them and their TV shows, wine tastings, and nail appointments anymore is exhausting and frustrating. It's also why this same group acts like making a goddam doctor's appointment is so draining. They also do a lot of extra shit like your 2 year olds birthday party doesn't require embossed invitations and a photoshoot.

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM for 6 years after my kid was born. Then I went back to work at my husband's request after school started, and I'm glad I did.

1. I reported no income to the Social Security Admin for all those years, so my retirement SSA pay will be smaller than it would have been had I worked those years.

2. When you're dependent on one job/one man for all the money, you lose some power in the relationship, and what YOU want become less important than what the only person bringing in money wants. That was my experience, anyway.

3. Similarly, we went through some difficult times during this period and even considered divorce. I felt like I really needed to try to make it work because I had no income and was taking care of the kids full time. Things ultimately worked out but I was in a very vulnerable position and had to put up with behavior that (before marriage) I never thought I would have put up with.

3. It's stressful for the guy to be the sole money earner. If my husband had lost his job it would have been extremely stressful, and that kind of thing happens more now than it used to. My husband's job is in jeopardy right now, and we are both so relieved that I am pulling in a nearly comparable salary to him to keep family afloat if that happens.

I'm glad that I stayed home with the kids when I did. But I'm glad that I went back to work, too. I have a vote and a voice and equal power in the relationship, and that's better from my perspective. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you asked for ramifications, and yes there are.

1. You will be contributing to the idea that women are supposed to stay home with the kids. That dad can't do it.

2. You are contributing to the idea that education and careers for girls/women are only a temporary thing until she gets married until she has babies.

3. Your career will likely never recover, that does not mean you will not go back to work, or that you will never be promoted, but it's unlikely you will have the career you could have had if you didn't take 5 + years off. You will be mommy tracked.

4. Your financial future and that of your family will be entirely dependent on your husband.

Ramification #2 seems a bit dramatic. My sisters and I were raised by a SAHM and we both work full time. People do what works for them

Anonymous wrote:“If you SAH your daughters will think it’s okay to SAH.” Well…good? I mean, I think it’s okay to SAH, which is why I do it, I hope my kids agree with me.