Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were me, I would plan outings during his nap. If you’re on a week long vacation, you’re getting plenty of time together besides those two hours he naps. So yeah—either everyone gets a 2 hour afternoon “quiet time” to do with what they want (reading and napping sounds lovely to me) or you plan something and stop being upset that he doesn’t come with you. That’s his loss! The did will be fine that he doesn’t come, do they care that much or do YOU care?

This is really the best compromise. All the rabid anti-nappers don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to be attached at the hip for our entire vacation. Kids included!

In this case, it's the kids wanting to spend time with their problem, which is apparently the problem. The kids want to do things with him. He doesn't want to do things with them.

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

I have 3 teens/tweens and I think it is reasonable to expect downtime daily on vacation and we always make sure there is open time for this every day

However, I don’t think it is reasonable to demand that downtime at a particular time of day - each & every day- if it greatly inconveniences the rest of the group. We usually talk about the next day’s schedule at dinner (if we have tickets or a designated time we need to be somewhere, we start with that) and work things out from there. Sometimes a 2pm nap would work well, other times no. Demanding a 2pm daily nap time is just as rigid as whatever OP has planned, most likely.

It’s also OK to do things separately, yes.

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

And why do we have to spend 24/7 with our kids? Once you become a parent you are still a person with individual wants and needs. It's ok to relax on vacation! Try it!

If I want a kid free vacation, I take one. When I go with my family, I do my best to make it the best vacation they can have. Maybe you have different priorities, that's okay. In this family's case, 3/4 members of the family understand the vacation is going one way, and the other, inflexibly, insists it has to go the other.

Spending 2/24 without your family isn't a kid free vacation.

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

Your kids are teens and tweens so you’ve been married with kids at least for 14 or 15 years. You haven’t managed to change him till now, and probably won’t manage going forward. So accept it is what he does and do your own thing.

You are not joined at the hip with DH, he wants to go back to hotel and nap, he can do that. You and kids can choose to either join him and relax while he naps or just go about your activities till he rejoins you. He will miss doing some of the activities with you and that’s fine too.

Anonymous wrote:If this were me, I would plan outings during his nap. If you’re on a week long vacation, you’re getting plenty of time together besides those two hours he naps. So yeah—either everyone gets a 2 hour afternoon “quiet time” to do with what they want (reading and napping sounds lovely to me) or you plan something and stop being upset that he doesn’t come with you. That’s his loss! The did will be fine that he doesn’t come, do they care that much or do YOU care?

This is really the best compromise. All the rabid anti-nappers don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to be attached at the hip for our entire vacation. Kids included!

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

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Anonymous wrote:OP: read your post again but insert “my 8 year old” in place of “my DH”.

What does that tell you?

I find this post amusing. If OP were referring to a child, everyone would tell her things like “the child needs to suck it up, child should see pediatrician as this is not normal, the world does not revolve around child, an 8yo should not need naps, and so on” LOL. And I would largely agree.

Yet people are defending a healthy grown man (who slept 9hrs overnight) who gets “cranky” if he doesn’t get his scheduled nap? Good lord. Think about this.

Does the 8yo grind to make $250K a year to support a family? Does the 8yo mow the lawn, fix stuff around the house, do laundry, cook meals, run errands, coach soccer, serve as an election volunteer, and help care for elderly parents? Yes or no. Yes or no.

Did the 44yo agree to take his family on vacation and spend time with them? DH needs to be a man and take care of his kids.

He is spending time with them. He’s there but needs some rest. On vacation. I’d compromise at an hour.

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

And why do we have to spend 24/7 with our kids? Once you become a parent you are still a person with individual wants and needs. It's ok to relax on vacation! Try it!

If I want a kid free vacation, I take one. When I go with my family, I do my best to make it the best vacation they can have. Maybe you have different priorities, that's okay. In this family's case, 3/4 members of the family understand the vacation is going one way, and the other, inflexibly, insists it has to go the other.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

Even parents don't have to parent 24/7. 11 and 13 year olds can occupy themselves for two hours while mom reads and dad naps.

I don't think the issue is whether he gets 2 hours off.

Last time we went on a beach vacation, I would do things by myself, like, after the kids were set up with an activity, I could go swimming in the ocean. Or, after the kids went to bed, I went over to the hotel bar and drank sundowners and watched a soccer game. The problem, clearly, is that he expects something, with no compromise, at a primetime during the day. That's just not realistic when you have kids on vacation.

OP specifically mentions that she hates that he gets a 2 hour break because she doesnt get one. But then she says she doesnt even want one, so is just b!%ching about nothing?

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

Even parents don't have to parent 24/7. 11 and 13 year olds can occupy themselves for two hours while mom reads and dad naps.

I don't think the issue is whether he gets 2 hours off.

Last time we went on a beach vacation, I would do things by myself, like, after the kids were set up with an activity, I could go swimming in the ocean. Or, after the kids went to bed, I went over to the hotel bar and drank sundowners and watched a soccer game. The problem, clearly, is that he expects something, with no compromise, at a primetime during the day. That's just not realistic when you have kids on vacation.

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.