Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a second home and a seasonal rental property are two separate things. We have properties in DC, LDN, Deer Valley, Hamptons, Gstaad, Marbella, FDM, and Mustique. We only rent out the Deer Valley ranch and Hamptons house, therefore no one besides paying renters are allowed to stay there. Depending upon how close we are with the family, we let them stay at the other properties free of charge, expecting they would treat our home as if it were theirs. Over the past ten years, four of DS's friends' families have stayed at our Marbella and FDM house. The staff took pics of the aftermath when they left; it was spotless! Two divorcee friends needed a break and stayed at the Gstaad and Mustique home, which was still very clean. However, a relative trashed our LDN home once... needless to say, they were obviously blacklisted. Go with your gut, OP.

Where is FDM?

Forte Dei Marmi

Anonymous wrote:Having a second home and a seasonal rental property are two separate things. We have properties in DC, LDN, Deer Valley, Hamptons, Gstaad, Marbella, FDM, and Mustique. We only rent out the Deer Valley ranch and Hamptons house, therefore no one besides paying renters are allowed to stay there. Depending upon how close we are with the family, we let them stay at the other properties free of charge, expecting they would treat our home as if it were theirs. Over the past ten years, four of DS's friends' families have stayed at our Marbella and FDM house. The staff took pics of the aftermath when they left; it was spotless! Two divorcee friends needed a break and stayed at the Gstaad and Mustique home, which was still very clean. However, a relative trashed our LDN home once... needless to say, they were obviously blacklisted. Go with your gut, OP.

Where is FDM?

Having a second home and a seasonal rental property are two separate things. We have properties in DC, LDN, Deer Valley, Hamptons, Gstaad, Marbella, FDM, and Mustique. We only rent out the Deer Valley ranch and Hamptons house, therefore no one besides paying renters are allowed to stay there. Depending upon how close we are with the family, we let them stay at the other properties free of charge, expecting they would treat our home as if it were theirs. Over the past ten years, four of DS's friends' families have stayed at our Marbella and FDM house. The staff took pics of the aftermath when they left; it was spotless! Two divorcee friends needed a break and stayed at the Gstaad and Mustique home, which was still very clean. However, a relative trashed our LDN home once... needless to say, they were obviously blacklisted. Go with your gut, OP.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW why do people like Delaware beaches? Why not Cape Cod if you must go North? Maine?

Because I can get to Rehoboth in 2.5 hrs. Home has tripled in value and love the ocean. Here now!👍

We don't rent our vacation house, but we love when friends or family can use it when we can't. We use a cleaning service after our own stays, and we tend to ask people to pay that...but it's a tiny fraction of what renting a house would be.

Maybe because we don't rent the place this doesn't seem like an imposition...but my parents have a place that'll they rent our, but they let friends and family use it for free.

For us and my parents, the properties are there for enjoyment and also are long term investments. 1-2 weeks of rent or a cleaning fee just doesn't change the math at all. But friends enjoying themselves? That gives me joy as well.

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Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1. :mic drop:

This is not a "mic drop" moment. This is a "you showed your ass, you are insanely rude, much ruder than the empty-handed guest" moment. You may have money, but live with a scarcity mentality. Pitiful and pathetic.

Wait are seriously wondering why people don’t let you borrow their second home? You sound really hostile.

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the disconnect on this thread is about who did the asking. I wouldn't be fundamentally opposed to sharing my second home with certain people, and maybe I will at some point offer it up to someone in the right circumstances. But, I would definitely feel uncomfortable with someone asking if I hadn't given them any indication I was open to the idea. It's like someone walking into my closet and coming out with some clothes, and saying "Ok if I wear this?" It would feel invasive. But if someone was sitting on my couch pondering what to wear to some occasion and I had the perfect outfit for them, I might offer it up and feel fine with it. But I should do the asking, not them, even if I've let them borrow a sweater before.

I agree that's part of it. I'm one of the PPs who said we have let friends use our place, but only our close friends even know we have one. We don't really mention to acquaintances, because people make weird assumptions (we're not rich, just lucky--were smart about real estate and bought in places that appreciated a lot).

There also seems to be a disconnect based on whether the house is typically rented out, and therefore more money is at stake.

I wonder if the disconnect on this thread is about who did the asking. I wouldn't be fundamentally opposed to sharing my second home with certain people, and maybe I will at some point offer it up to someone in the right circumstances. But, I would definitely feel uncomfortable with someone asking if I hadn't given them any indication I was open to the idea. It's like someone walking into my closet and coming out with some clothes, and saying "Ok if I wear this?" It would feel invasive. But if someone was sitting on my couch pondering what to wear to some occasion and I had the perfect outfit for them, I might offer it up and feel fine with it. But I should do the asking, not them, even if I've let them borrow a sweater before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even like people at my first home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't even like people.

I can’t decide what I think this is about for you….Annoyed, put upon, feel used?

If they are really friends, I do not see the problem. Say, sure we are out of town but enjoy! If they ask again , you can say, no …as we are hoping for last minute rental. They will then understand it’s a business and really your 2 nd home.

If not close friends but more of neighborhood, work, kid activities friend, it reads like you are annoyed and feel used - so they are not really friends.

We are mid 50s so are friendships by now are long nd deep— from childhood, early career, parenting. These individuals are truly our friends. None of which would I say no to if they asked to stay at our beach house. These are friendships that are like family.

Again, I don’t know your situation. If it is about $$, then use the last minute rental excuse. If you are not comfortable/ annoyed re-evaluate your friendship.

I don’t rent out my second home and sometimes I’ll let friends stay there. It isn’t being used, I barely make it there and my friends have been known to leave it cleaner than they found it. And they can help me out by charging camera batteries. I don’t mind, it’s win-win.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because our second home is not set up for rentals and thus our personal stuff is all over the place. People are nosy.

We don't rent out our second home, but we also don't keep a bunch of personal stuff there. For instance, of course my toiletries and contact lenses are there, but not a ton of pics or really personal stuff.

Not PP but I don't have personal stuff like financial information but DH and I do have a lot of clothing there. So does (adult) DD. So 2 of the bedrooms aren't really set up for visitors. We have a guest room and DS's dresser and closet are pretty empty so there are 2 bedrooms which are available. It feels like it wouldn't be that different than if someone stayed in my bedroom in my primary home - which I really wouldn't want unless it was a real emergency.

Agree with hard no without us PP. Slippery slope and I'd put a firm boundary here. Think of it this way, you shouldn't feel awkward, THEY should by asking because this is overstepping IMO. This should only happen if offered by hosts.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even like people at my first home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't even like people.

I don’t even like people at my first home. 🤷🏻‍♀️