Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew more than one person like this growing up in the NYC suburbs. Families would move out of the city and the wives would not learn how to drive. Ever.

I was going to say this sounded ridiculous, then remembered that this describes one of my good friends from college. I’ve never thought of her as not capable or spoiled or anything like that, she just doesn’t drive. I didn’t learn until I was in my late twenties, bc I lived in Manhattan. A lot of my friends who stayed have let their licenses lapse, or say they would feel uncomfortable driving right now.

I drive anywhere except in NYC.

I’m too scared to drive in that city and public transportation is great there so I take advantage of it!

I am a child of poor immigrants, no cars or lessons, and went to school in a big city. I am also now very anxious and scared so slowly taking lessons but it’s hard.

Try and be kind. My kid has visual issues that don’t make her ineligible to drive but make it MUCH harder and it takes MUCH longer. This is not evident when interacting with her. She’s 22 and some parents act like my DH and I are horrible parents for not teaching her a life skill. We have been teaching her…see above. Don’t be those people.

Anonymous wrote:I think they grew up in a city. Then I think nothing more of it.

This. We have alternatives to driving and there is no need within cities. I do drive many places because of time constraints, crushing health problem-related fatigue, and laziness, but every place I go could be accessed pretty easily by public transit.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought negatively about adults who never learned to drive.

Not driving would be the quickest to screen people for having a real anxiety disorder or not. It's actually a thing. "Intolerance of uncertainty." My sense of speed isn't normal either. Freeway speed feels like a roller coaster. So no, I don't drive.

Am I failure? I earn great money in IT, have a paid up house and can retire a decade earlier as I'm also extremely good at stock market investing. My spider-sense is highly tuned.

I'll never kill somebody and be blase about it like Laura Bush. I'll never be a dementia driver or a senior who turns helpless and childlike as they prioritize driving over anything else. I take transit with the pors-disabled-and-assorted-failures. I'm also a lot healthier by walking 10 times more than "normal" women do. If I lived in most of Europe nobody would be thinking I'm weird-strange-stupid-a-loser.

I tried learning to drive for about three years. Never got the hand of it. I just take the bus/train everywhere, and if people get annoyed by that oh well because I’m getting around fine. I came to the conclusion that some people (I wish more people could admit it) shouldn’t drive for their safety and the safety of others. If the United States had more reliable public transport and wasn’t a car country, no one would care. I feel fine not driving and I get where I need to go using transit, but I have my complaints about public transportation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom grew up in NYC with six sisters. They all moved out to the suburbs and she and 3 other sisters learned to drive in their 20s.

The three sisters who didn't learn how to drive also did not take much agency over their lives - they were homemakers or secretaries and their husbands picked them up and dropped them off, they did not have a lot of outside hobbies or activities.

Those 3 sisters (out of 7 girls) are the only ones to suffer from dementia in their 70s. One passed away, and the remaining 2 are quite advanced. The other sisters are all pretty healthy cognitively in their 80s.

I'm not trying to say not driving = cognitive decline, but certainly, I see a correlation in my own family between low personal agency and declining cognitive health.

It feels like the women who never learned to pay bills, get a bank account, or manage whatever money they have. I guess it's a generational thing at this point (I hope?). Is it still common for women to just not learn to drive?

It depends. You’re asking a group that leans towards UMC — so they likely had access to available cars and ongoing instruction and opportunities to practice; who, despite the name of the site, tend to live very suburban lives.
As a former New Yorker, there are lots of us who never learned to drive — because we had other available options.

What’s interesting is that thanks to public transportation, I had a huge amount of freedom from the time I was about 12. I used public transportation for school — and pretty much everywhere else that I wanted to go. That’s possibly a few years earlier than the kids who lived in less urban areas who relied upon their parents for transportation.

I grew up in a flat city where everyone biked. My elementary school had three massive bike parking areas. My preschool even had a tricycle parking area where I parked after getting myself there aged 4. Everyone biked to high school - four miles with a headwind in both directions.

Beyond school, I biked downtown, to sports practices, to friends' places, to work, to university... It sounds a bit the same as your public transportation experience. I was in no rush to get my license because I was commuting wherever I wanted to go young.

Yes, I think it IS very similar. “Driving” for us isn’t linked with having the ability to get where we want to go. And having that ability and independence also didn’t require waiting until we were 16 and able to get licensed, or having the resources to have access to a car.

I am absolutely bowled over by the adorableness of an official preschool parking lot with trikes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom grew up in NYC with six sisters. They all moved out to the suburbs and she and 3 other sisters learned to drive in their 20s.

The three sisters who didn't learn how to drive also did not take much agency over their lives - they were homemakers or secretaries and their husbands picked them up and dropped them off, they did not have a lot of outside hobbies or activities.

Those 3 sisters (out of 7 girls) are the only ones to suffer from dementia in their 70s. One passed away, and the remaining 2 are quite advanced. The other sisters are all pretty healthy cognitively in their 80s.

I'm not trying to say not driving = cognitive decline, but certainly, I see a correlation in my own family between low personal agency and declining cognitive health.

It feels like the women who never learned to pay bills, get a bank account, or manage whatever money they have. I guess it's a generational thing at this point (I hope?). Is it still common for women to just not learn to drive?

It depends. You’re asking a group that leans towards UMC — so they likely had access to available cars and ongoing instruction and opportunities to practice; who, despite the name of the site, tend to live very suburban lives.
As a former New Yorker, there are lots of us who never learned to drive — because we had other available options.

What’s interesting is that thanks to public transportation, I had a huge amount of freedom from the time I was about 12. I used public transportation for school — and pretty much everywhere else that I wanted to go. That’s possibly a few years earlier than the kids who lived in less urban areas who relied upon their parents for transportation.

I grew up in a flat city where everyone biked. My elementary school had three massive bike parking areas. My preschool even had a tricycle parking area where I parked after getting myself there aged 4. Everyone biked to high school - four miles with a headwind in both directions.

Beyond school, I biked downtown, to sports practices, to friends' places, to work, to university... It sounds a bit the same as your public transportation experience. I was in no rush to get my license because I was commuting wherever I wanted to go young.

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t learn until adulthood. It is complicated and related to something I am trying to process still about my childhood which was umc in some ways but I also had a mother who drilled into me that it was not something I should learn or something they wanted to spend time on (or money). The funny thing was she could drive. My dad was busy working all the time (he had a good job) and refused to get involved in any kid decisions ). I think it was a means of control for my mom.

I also didn’t learn until adulthood. I didn’t have access to a car to learn on or anyone to teach me 16-26. I likely wouldn’t have learned for much longer if my sister and aunt hadn’t lived in the area I moved to at 26 and very graciously gave me lessons and the use of their cars to practice — the one professional lesson I took was both wildly expensive and terrifying. I had never been behind the wheel and the instructor told me drive on Connecticut Ave as the first thing.

I didn’t learn until adulthood. It is complicated and related to something I am trying to process still about my childhood which was umc in some ways but I also had a mother who drilled into me that it was not something I should learn or something they wanted to spend time on (or money). The funny thing was she could drive. My dad was busy working all the time (he had a good job) and refused to get involved in any kid decisions ). I think it was a means of control for my mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and are now in their 40s.

Not because of any trauma or anything, just didn't get around to it.

Have to rely on everyone else to get rides or Uber everywhere.

I know two. Women whom grew up in NYC and didn't learn to drive until they were in their 30's
There was an incident on the set of "Dallas" when Barbara Bel Gedes was told by the director to "get in car and drive away." She told him that she grew up in NYC and never learned to drive.

ARod bought jennifer Lopez a sports car when they were dating and then he’s talking to her kids and realizes that she can’t drive because she grew up in nyc and then after she became famous, always had drivers.

Anonymous wrote:This thread reminds me of a terrific New Yorker piece where Adam Gopnik describes learning to drive in his 50’s after years of having his wife drive him around. Well worth the read.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/02/02/drivers-seat

Fun read. Thank you

This thread reminds me of a terrific New Yorker piece where Adam Gopnik describes learning to drive in his 50’s after years of having his wife drive him around. Well worth the read.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/02/02/drivers-seat

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think how close that could have been me.

I had anxiety along w/an irrational fear of being behind the wheel of a car that I did not get my license until I was 32.

At school they scare the living daylights out of kids about driving. It's no wonder they don't want to learn.

That was also true several decades ago. I remember a movie that had multiple scenes with crumpled cars and body bags. I also had a horrible first teacher. On what was probably my third lesson, he set up sticks for parallel parking. A hesitant driver, I tapped the front stick, froze, and asked him what I should do. He said, harshly: “Well, you’d better do SOMETHING “. I stepped on the gas, and heard a sickening crunch as the stick broke. “You just killed somebody’s child.” he said. I did get my license, but I’ve also lived quite happily in cities with easy to access public transportation.