Anonymous
Post 01/05/2024 20:30     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Very glad to hear there was some compromise and negotiation! That is looking much more reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2024 19:10     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
OP, thanks for updating. Would be great to hear final decision.

Looks like your child really wants some sun.
dcmom12345
Post 01/05/2024 18:42     Subject: Re:DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Update!
After much talk this is our updated list:

UMich
UCLA
UCSB(computer science)
University of Illinois(engineering)
UCBerkley
Utexas
Ohio State(engineering)
Wisconsin
NC State(engineering)
MSU(engineering)
UMD(engineering)

I think her top choice is Texas but we know that is super hard out of state. We got her father to expand the list by doing certain majors for some schools
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 21:13     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think more than have of freshman want to transfer at some point during the fall and esp over the break. Mine did. It is so common and part of adjustment. He even had applications filled out. Never submitted and by April of freshmam year was so much better. Now a soph and so happy.

Check out this:

https://counseling.studentaffairs.miami.edu/_assets/pdf/the-w-curve-and-the-first-year-of-college.pdf


This is why colleges should have RUSH in the FALL instead of the SPRING. Once freshmen get in a FRAT and find their TRIBE, campus starts to feel like HOME.


Except for the half of people (more at Ivies) who don't join frats.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 21:09     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is she surrounded by competitive Asian math nerds who grind and have no fun?


Thanks for chiming in with your racism.

Math isn't about grinding actually. That's not who it attracts. It's not the same mindset as premeds have.


NP. Can you say more about this? Who does math attract? My DC is in hs and really likes math and is thinking about majoring in it, and this thread is making me a bit nervous. DC is very focused on going to an Ivy and I worry about the best college fit, not the best college per USNWR rankings.


I'm that PP. Math attracted people who were... really into math! It was collaborative because they were not all about grades and outcompeting each other. They generally took math classes that were just for math/physics/etc. concentrators and not people who just needed to check the box for their major.

I majored in a science that attracted a lot of premeds and that was brutal both for grades and because a lot of people weren't actually that excited about the classes/subjects, they were just taking them to fulfill the requirement.


Math requires lots of hard work. The unflattering term for this is “grindy”. People won’t do that much work unless they’re really into it, but the fact remains you have to grind at it.


Grind to me suggests that anyone who puts in the time and effort can do ok. I think math (and maybe physics), this is just not true. There are math concepts that I (as a PhD from MIT in a physical science) am never going to be able to get. But some undergrad is going to be able to figure out. There is a type of brain that is needed, and you either have it or you dont.


Not true. There is a wide gamut of math, especially if you include applied math which is close to physics and engineering and computer science. There is more accessible math and there is more arcane abstract math.

Of course different people have different interests, but the whole field of math isn't out there on its own.

At Ivies, there are students who, in their first year, do the same level of advanced abstract math as other students who are seniors at the same school.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 16:30     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:Are you the Ivy Troll who keeps posting about either being a miserable student at an Ivy, or being a mother of a miserable student at an Ivy?

[/q

uote]

Agree!
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 16:22     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Get a private college consultant to help facilitate a discussion with everyone on what they think real options are and how to approach.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 15:17     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a transfer student in college, I would encourage her to stay. The first semester sucks. I would encourage her to join clubs and get involved with other kids who are more fun. Also look at changing her major to something more enjoyable. As her mom, don’t feel bad for her. It is in these situations kids learn resiliency and grit. Life sucks sometimes! She can get through it.


This is terrible advice.

Changing one's major and toughing it out is not going to help the individual student. She needs & wants a different environment. Both Columbia University and New York City are extreme environments and neither offers a typical college experience.

Parents listen to your child and guide her to a better option; don't force her to remain in a bad relationship.



As I posted, I transferred colleges. Often times it isn’t the school that is the problem. Sometimes it is the person who is the problem and she will likely have similar problems at the new school because the environment changed but the person did not. She absolutely cannot make a good assessment after one semester!


Wow ! Even more terrible advice. The OP's child is not you.



My reasons for transferring were strictly financial, not sure why you think I am speaking of my situation??! I spent a lot of time in special gatherings for transfer students. Oh wait, sorry forgot I’m on DCUM and you’re the know-it-all poster. Carry on!
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 15:11     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:Unless she transfers to another ivy AND changes her major, she should stay put. It’s a couple years and decades explaining the transfer on her resume.


Why would you even mention her first school on a resume? I only mention the school that I graduated from.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 15:08     Subject: Re:DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
dcmom12345 wrote:I agree and offered my support for her to transfer. The issue is I can't pay for it alone and DH won't contribute.


I would take out the Parent Plus loans for my child and have them work for their contribution. DH could suck it.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 15:01     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is she surrounded by competitive Asian math nerds who grind and have no fun?


Thanks for chiming in with your racism.

Math isn't about grinding actually. That's not who it attracts. It's not the same mindset as premeds have.


NP. Can you say more about this? Who does math attract? My DC is in hs and really likes math and is thinking about majoring in it, and this thread is making me a bit nervous. DC is very focused on going to an Ivy and I worry about the best college fit, not the best college per USNWR rankings.


I'm that PP. Math attracted people who were... really into math! It was collaborative because they were not all about grades and outcompeting each other. They generally took math classes that were just for math/physics/etc. concentrators and not people who just needed to check the box for their major.

I majored in a science that attracted a lot of premeds and that was brutal both for grades and because a lot of people weren't actually that excited about the classes/subjects, they were just taking them to fulfill the requirement.


Math requires lots of hard work. The unflattering term for this is “grindy”. People won’t do that much work unless they’re really into it, but the fact remains you have to grind at it.


Grind to me suggests that anyone who puts in the time and effort can do ok. I think math (and maybe physics), this is just not true. There are math concepts that I (as a PhD from MIT in a physical science) am never going to be able to get. But some undergrad is going to be able to figure out. There is a type of brain that is needed, and you either have it or you dont.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2024 23:13     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
I would give it until after the first year. My DS had a completely diff year of friends from one year to the next and changed the whole experience.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2024 13:23     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Anonymous wrote:One semester isn’t enough time to decide if she likes her school. You need to encourage her to find friends through clubs/activities in which she is interested. Part of parenting is giving your child the mature perspective that she lacks. Transferring isn’t a good idea or use of funds. Long term, she will benefit from her degree from this school. I agree with your husband. You all should help her develop resiliencecy and social skills not indulge her whims.


This!!
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2024 10:18     Subject: DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
Please meet with the school ASAP before you make a decision. They can help!
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2024 00:52     Subject: Re:DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it
dcmom12345 wrote:To add- we live in Maryland so I brought up in UMD as an option with DD seemed okay with but DH put on list of "will not pay for". He gave a list of universities he would consider acceptable which was limited to Chicago, Duke, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, AWS, JHU, Northwestern, RICE, Vandy, Michigan, and Berkeley.

Your problem is your husband. He does not seem to value mental health or his daughter’s order of priorities. All of his preferred schools are pressure cookers. You may need to engage a family therapist.