Anonymous
Post 01/31/2024 14:35     Subject: Money, college and exILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update: I need to thank those PPs who said "they will bail because your ex has more kids". You were completely right. They have been financially supporting his a$$. And not just a check here or there. He can't even cover his mortgage, he has to have his elderly parents do it for him. They reached out to me after NYE, apologized profusely, said things were really awkward and that at most they can send an occasional gift card to my DS. We have figured out his financial aid, he is all set, he is going to school of his dreams, thank you 529 plan and scholarships. Lesson learned, DCUM - do not trust promises. And dear grandparents, instead of grand gestures, put your money where your mouth is. Open up a savings account or contribute to the 529 plan.


Thanks for the honest update. Things change and sometimes people make promises that they don't/can't meet. Glad to hear that you were able to make it work.
Don't count on the money until it is in the 529 account!


OP, I’m so glad you were able to make it work. Sounds stressful.

My in laws give us a check most birthdays for the kids’ college. It’s our responsibility to actually put it in the 529. I guess, there’s some trust there because we *could* use it for ourselves. We don’t, of course. But anyway, it works for us so we have what they want to give and they can stop at any time, no pressure. There have been years where they had expenses and didn’t give us $. We know exactly how much we have available for college and control over those funds.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2024 14:02     Subject: Money, college and exILs
Anonymous wrote:I am divorced and DCs have a good, positive relationship with exILs. For years they said that once they go to college, they have money set aside for them and that (their words) "they should be fine". Well, lo' and behold, my eldest got accepted into college. For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to have a conversation with exILs about college, tuition, room/board. They acted all surprised when DC called them to let them know he got accepted. I do have 529 plans for all my kids but again, they made both verbal and written promises (via emails and texts) they would contribute to their college education. They are dodging my calls and texts, they are now dodging his calls, and these are the same people who used to text or call several times a week. No, they are not ill or on vacation.

Are they trying to renege on their promise? Is there anything I can/should do? This is awkward. I certainly didn't force them to make these promises but hey, put your money where your mouth is.


Have your ex write one final emails

Sounds like via your silence and lack of response that you don’t have the funds nor desire to contribute to XYZs college fund. That is fine.

If we don’t hear back from you by 4pm Friday, we’ll assume that is your new agreement and desire.

We allnoted it deviates from previous communications on the topic, but need to know and plan our course.

Thank you,
Family
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2024 10:56     Subject: Money, college and exILs
Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update: I need to thank those PPs who said "they will bail because your ex has more kids". You were completely right. They have been financially supporting his a$$. And not just a check here or there. He can't even cover his mortgage, he has to have his elderly parents do it for him. They reached out to me after NYE, apologized profusely, said things were really awkward and that at most they can send an occasional gift card to my DS. We have figured out his financial aid, he is all set, he is going to school of his dreams, thank you 529 plan and scholarships. Lesson learned, DCUM - do not trust promises. And dear grandparents, instead of grand gestures, put your money where your mouth is. Open up a savings account or contribute to the 529 plan.


Thanks for the honest update. Things change and sometimes people make promises that they don't/can't meet. Glad to hear that you were able to make it work.
Don't count on the money until it is in the 529 account!
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2024 10:46     Subject: Money, college and exILs
Anonymous wrote:I fear this happening with my parents. They have promised a large sum of money (specific amount) for my kid's college. Kid is 6 and we have already started saving for college. If I felt we could count on that amount, we could reduce our current savings to like 8k a year and kid could go anywhere full pay.

However, I worry the promise from my parents is empty and what if it doesn't come through? So it feels like we should keep saving at our current rate (much more than 8k a year).

But of course, if we do that, my parents might say, oh you've got this, and give nothing. But this is the amount they've promised to all grandkids, including my siblings who had 3 and 4 kids, respectively. So it seems deeply unfair that we would sacrifice to pay for our DC's college on our own while my parents pay literally hundreds of thousands for my siblings' kids, while my siblings claim poverty and that it is too hard for them to save up for their kids' college.

I mean, whatever, life is unfair. I always assumed I'd be paying for my kid's college on my own. But it's like by dangling this, my parents have created a conundrum for us in terms of how we approach savings and increased the likelihood that we will either under or over save, plus highlighted for me the unequal treatment I get compared to my siblings because of our different approaches to family and financial planning. This "offer" has really only created problems.

Are you for real? Seriously???
How is this a problem? Save for your kids’ college, when the time comes if your parents contribute 5 dollars or $50,000 that’s all the better.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2024 10:13     Subject: Money, college and exILs
What a terrible country we live in where a kid’s ability to attend college depends not on his own potential but the ability of his parents to come up with the money.

Sucks, OP.