Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 12:57     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
I have a niece and nephew who have literally never said thanks, in any way shape or form- text nessage, email, call, etc., for holiday or birthday. I always sent- since they were born. Finally last year, I decided to stop. They also don't respond to any texts asking " Hi, How are you?" Very immature.
Ages 28 and 26.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 10:22     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Unclench. You are terrible.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 10:21     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
OP, are you genuinely close with them and not trying to buy love? I ask because my mother gets herself into a rage over stuff like this and yes, saying stuff like "my niece just screwed herself" sounds like bitter rage. My mom never gives a gift without strings and when she gets a thank you note, it isn't enough. She wasn't praised enough or it wasn't personal enough or long enough. Then she brings up her generosity whenever she expects things and tries to guilt trip. So while she always gives the largest amount of money she feel she is purchasing all sorts of rights. The younger generation now does not engage at all-not even thank you notes. Parents still insist she be invited to gatherings, but everyone seems to avoid her.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 10:00     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
I never give more than $100! People are crazy entitled.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 09:57     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would never want a present from someone that would act like that over a thank you note. It's clear she's the sort to try to make everything about her.
If you habitually consider yourself above saying thank you, you needn’t worry, others will take the hint.


Sounds like a win-win then. Though, I think you're overestimating the cognitive abilities of people like the OP to remember, given half of them likely have some level of dementia already. I don't know anyone under the age of about 50 that cares about thank you notes.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 09:11     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:I would never want a present from someone that would act like that over a thank you note. It's clear she's the sort to try to make everything about her.
If you habitually consider yourself above saying thank you, you needn’t worry, others will take the hint.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 08:56     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 49. I’ve taught DD13 that not only do you send a thank you note, you take the time to tell the person something about the gift that you especially like or what you plan on spending the money on. It is the polite, grateful thing to do.

OP, you are justified in feeling miffed for not being acknowledged for an incredibly generous gift.


This. Someone with some class.


Tell me: is it “classy” to ruin a relationship with a younger relative when they make an etiquette faux pas?

Yes or no. Yes or no.


OP isn't ruining the relationship; she's just thinking she won't send more presents. And lots of people have said her niece probably doesn't want her presents anyway, so what's the problem?


Her original post did not say “so I am not sending more presents,” she said “I am done,” which means she’s done with the relationship. And there’s not a lot of room to argue otherwise when the thread title is that the niece “screwed herself.” Rather over-the-top…


And her next post clarified, "I am not writing her off. I am just never giving her another gift."

The aunt sounds pretty generous (at least, $1000 is generous in my circle), so I would think the would want more presents, but I guess not.


I would never want a present from someone that would act like that over a thank you note. It's clear she's the sort to try to make everything about her.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 08:53     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:I am not writing her off. I am just never giving her another gift.


You sound lovely.

Honestly, you'd probably be doing everyone a favor if you pull away and work on yourself for a while.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 08:48     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:I would cut the new couple a little bit of slack especially if she’s never given you a prior reason to think she’s an ungrateful person.

The tone of the post and your responses makes it seem like you’re almost eager to permanently alter the relationship.


Ding ding ding! OP is feeling like the younger generation is now getting the spotlight, and she doesn’t like it one bit.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 08:48     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 49. I’ve taught DD13 that not only do you send a thank you note, you take the time to tell the person something about the gift that you especially like or what you plan on spending the money on. It is the polite, grateful thing to do.

OP, you are justified in feeling miffed for not being acknowledged for an incredibly generous gift.


This. Someone with some class.


Tell me: is it “classy” to ruin a relationship with a younger relative when they make an etiquette faux pas?

Yes or no. Yes or no.


OP isn't ruining the relationship; she's just thinking she won't send more presents. And lots of people have said her niece probably doesn't want her presents anyway, so what's the problem?


Her original post did not say “so I am not sending more presents,” she said “I am done,” which means she’s done with the relationship. And there’s not a lot of room to argue otherwise when the thread title is that the niece “screwed herself.” Rather over-the-top…


And her next post clarified, "I am not writing her off. I am just never giving her another gift."

The aunt sounds pretty generous (at least, $1000 is generous in my circle), so I would think the would want more presents, but I guess not.


Yes, back-pedaling is a frequent move when one is not getting the responses they hoped for. It is quite common for an OP to retreat, even after such a “bad-azz” initial post about someone they allegedly love “screwing” themselves, and being “done” with them after they make a faux pas in the wake of being extremely busy, as most brides and grooms are leading up to and immediately after a wedding.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 08:38     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
I would cut the new couple a little bit of slack especially if she’s never given you a prior reason to think she’s an ungrateful person.

The tone of the post and your responses makes it seem like you’re almost eager to permanently alter the relationship.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 07:14     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 49. I’ve taught DD13 that not only do you send a thank you note, you take the time to tell the person something about the gift that you especially like or what you plan on spending the money on. It is the polite, grateful thing to do.

OP, you are justified in feeling miffed for not being acknowledged for an incredibly generous gift.


This. Someone with some class.


Tell me: is it “classy” to ruin a relationship with a younger relative when they make an etiquette faux pas?

Yes or no. Yes or no.


OP isn't ruining the relationship; she's just thinking she won't send more presents. And lots of people have said her niece probably doesn't want her presents anyway, so what's the problem?


Her original post did not say “so I am not sending more presents,” she said “I am done,” which means she’s done with the relationship. And there’s not a lot of room to argue otherwise when the thread title is that the niece “screwed herself.” Rather over-the-top…


And her next post clarified, "I am not writing her off. I am just never giving her another gift."

The aunt sounds pretty generous (at least, $1000 is generous in my circle), so I would think the would want more presents, but I guess not.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 20:59     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.


Mic drop.


+1

Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 20:59     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.


All the young women feeling angry for being poor, ugly, out of shape, low energy, aging, having thinning hair, having cellulite, not being Taylor Swift, for not having free childcare from grandparents, not getting an inheritance, a piddly wedding ring, no wedding ring, single/married/divorced, being infertile, being too fertile, having a loser DH, having no baby daddy, having several baby daddies, not having a clean and organized home, living in a postage sized home, not being able to cook, unable to entertain, having student debt, being underpaid, having a terrible work environment, doing poorly at work, having no friends, having disappointing children, their male sibling doing better than them etc, etc, etc.

and they take it out on..... Aunties, Moms, SILs and MILs on DCUM. People who had no hand in their plight!


Oh dear. You really thought you did something here. How sad.

Oh, and the laughing emojis are for old biddies. Join us in 2023.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 20:58     Subject: My niece just screwed herself
Anonymous wrote:All these aunties, moms, older SILs and MILs on DCUM freaking out about their loss of significance and power lately. It really is such a sad sight to behold.


Mic drop.