Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 15:16     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:I have young adult children who are still in college but live on their own but my ex wife and I still support them. They have been coming over more than usual (mostly weekends) because I have a pool not necessarily to visit me. lol Sometimes they bring their friends.

My kids can come over whenever they want and don't have to call or knock. They have keys to the house. It has never occurred to me to ask them to call first. Its a very foreign concept to me to do otherwise.

I have a gf and we have been together 3 years and she stays over a lot. Maybe 4/7 days a week. We have talked about her moving in but she told me I needed to create some boundaries with my kids. She said they needed to call first or be invited. Maybe not come over quite so much and to limit how long they stayed and limit their pool time.

I told her she was being offensive and she would never ever dictate anything regarding my kids. The way I looked at it we could either break up or keep the status quo of living separately. She started crying and she told me our family dynamics were not normal. I told her since she had no children she could not make that judgment. I was talking to my ex wife husband who is also my best friend and asked him for advice. He said he is the same way with his kids and if my ex wife ever came to him with that garbage he would divorce her and is sure she would do the same.

Am I off base here? I really think I need to break up with her. This has never been an issue before.


Your girlfriend is the issue, not you or your kids.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2023 20:22     Subject: Re:Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
I think the few people that start them also respond. Kind of reminds me of ding dong ditch. They come around and make some noise and then run away for fun.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2023 13:42     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:Are people that bored that they just make up completely fictitious stories?


YES! I's a little game they enjoy, and clearly many commenters enjoy it as well. It's getting easier and easier to spot them however, especially when Jeff then confirms.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2023 13:31     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:Are people that bored that they just make up completely fictitious stories?


There seems to be a LOT of fiction on the relationship forum right now.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2023 01:04     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Are people that bored that they just make up completely fictitious stories?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2023 00:31     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
OP probably just likes his kids around. He loves them more than his girlfriend and that will never change. I think it is totally fine for OP to be clear about that to his girlfriend. She will either be ok with this or not. Op is clearly not ready to take the relationship to the next level.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2023 00:28     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
My kids are still young and live in the house but my kids don’t just bring friends over. I think it is reasonable for a heads up about guests but not the actual kids.

Everyone hosts differently though. Maybe I will let my kids just being friends over when they are teens. As of now, I still arrange plans with other parents.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 22:47     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


What kind of households are you and OP living in? I am a mother, and my kids always let me know when they are coming over. I always tell my parents when I go to their place as well.

So weird.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 22:33     Subject: Re:Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
my ex wife's husband is my best friend

sir that's the story you need to be telling us lol

screw your girlfriend, she doesn't have kids she doesn't get it
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 22:30     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
God, you people are hopeless. Did you not see the post revealing that OP is a troll???
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 19:24     Subject: Re:Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:I think this post accurately demonstrates why people with some standards and boundaries don't do well with people who have none.


I think this post accurately demonstrates why controlling, rigid people with sticks up their posteriors don’t do well with people who lack said sticks.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 19:22     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:If she moves in, the home becomes THEIR HOME. OP’s attitude is “it’s my home, my rules.” This is the real problem.


It’s not a problem at all, because she won’t be moving in and he is considering breaking up with her entirely.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 19:20     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also, I would be super annoyed if my significant other's college aged kids were randomly dropping by and bringing their friends to his pool, just saying. I'm not saying OP's wrong about an open door policy with his kids but that would be SUPER annoying

Agreed. It seems entitled and disrespectful for the kids to always be traipsing through with no consideration. And if it bothers the girlfriend it’s worth considering. OP sounded very harsh and confrontational, I empathize with the girlfriend.


It's weird that you guys are really inferring a lot from OPs post. Nowhere did he say they were "traipsing" or disrespectful or all the time or any of that. The projection on this forum is real.


The OP said they aren't really coming to visit him, but to use the pool. Sometimes with friends. That absolutely sounds like a bunch of obnoxious college kids


It's their home.


They. Live. Elsewhere.


But so does the girlfriend


Are you dim? This is a scenario in which OP is thinking of asking his GF to move in with him. IF she moves in, THEN she would like some notice to put on some clothes before a troop of college kids let themselves in.


Are YOU dim? OP has clearly stated she wants not only “notice to put on some clothes,” but to limit their access, and he is not going to do that, therefore she will not be moving in.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 19:18     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also, I would be super annoyed if my significant other's college aged kids were randomly dropping by and bringing their friends to his pool, just saying. I'm not saying OP's wrong about an open door policy with his kids but that would be SUPER annoying

Agreed. It seems entitled and disrespectful for the kids to always be traipsing through with no consideration. And if it bothers the girlfriend it’s worth considering. OP sounded very harsh and confrontational, I empathize with the girlfriend.


It's weird that you guys are really inferring a lot from OPs post. Nowhere did he say they were "traipsing" or disrespectful or all the time or any of that. The projection on this forum is real.


The OP said they aren't really coming to visit him, but to use the pool. Sometimes with friends. That absolutely sounds like a bunch of obnoxious college kids


It's their home.


They. Live. Elsewhere.


They’re.
In.
College.
It’s.
Still.
Their.
Home.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2023 19:15     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:Oh holy hell… she would be lucky to lose you. You kids come and go at any time with their friends? Sounds like a frat house. Tell her to stop crying and pack her bags. She is better off without you.


Oh holy hell. He’d be lucky to be rid of her.