To 21:51 - of course the decision to WOH or SAH is, in part, driven by $$$$$. Unless you're an ideological SAHM who would SAH on principle even if it means WIC and welfare.

To 17:47 - I mean I do more than just work and be with my kids. You know, like fathers do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to 6/6 00:25

Applause, applause!

I totally agree

As if making $200,000 a year AND having a life away from one's children is to be pitied in any way at all.

Applause from here too!!!
Although we discuss (or.....whatever you want to call it) this issue ad nauseum, it seems, I always find it odd that no one ever discusses a very important aspect of it -- the MONEY. The likelihood of a mom leaving her job after baby is directly related to how much money she could make if she stayed -- and whether she has enough clout at the job to negotiate a flexible work schedule. Sure, some high-paid moms leave, but in my experience, if you have a lucrative career and are valued enough to negiotiate a flexible schedule, you stay on. The SAHMs can "pity" us all they want, but the truth of the matter is that if they could make six figures for 30 hours a week (like me and many of my colleagues), they wouldn't be relishing the role of cook and laundress. They would be farming that crap out, and utilizing their flexible hours for only the good parts of the SAHM job -- the school events, sports games, and fun stuff with the kids. The extra income means I don't have to cook and clean and whine to my husband about all the cooking and cleaning. It means lots of extras for the kids, no chores on the weekends, -- and it means I have a fulfilling career that I will enjoy after the nest is empty. Don't waste your pity on me ladies.

Not with young children. Nothing is worth missing out on four days a week with my baby and preschoolers. I farm out most of what you call "crap" too. My friends who are bright and talented have all picked up on their careers when their kids are older. Some have even found new and more creative careers - including several friends who started very successful businesses of their own.

To each their own. When I had my first child, I knew I was not going to hand him over to other people to raise. No "job" was worth that to me. I wanted to be there every day for my infant, to take care of him and love him and teach him and enjoy being a mom to this unbelievable little person. For me, it's the most important "job" there is.

More importantly, what I've learned is that the more successful you were before you had kids, the more successful you are when you go back to the workplace several year later.

Good God people...give it a rest. Who cares??? Why do you feel the need to prove yourself or decision to people that you DON'T KNOW nor will you likely EVER MEET IN YOUR LIFETIME??

Anonymous wrote:"Basically I am a full time maid, cook, taxi driver and sex partner for my husband. There it is, any other questions? "

And if you died tomorrow, you'd be happy that you didn't do anything else? You know, something that didn't define you in terms of your relationship to your family? Concrete accomplishments? Not me.

I worked before kids. This is my choice and I would not change it for anything. Gave up 100k job to stay home with my babies. No regrets. Husband is great provider and dad. Maybe I will return to work part time but I will always be home for my kids. I do have friends that work that don't need to and friends that don't work that need too. To each their own.

I do not pity you. However, I am impressed that you call a spade a spade and bring up the issue of money. Many moms who had very rewarding careers (a lot of them working with YOUR children while you are at work) do not make enough to pay for quality childcare. Now, that is a sad commentary on our culture.

Anonymous wrote:to 6/6 00:25

Applause, applause!

I totally agree

As if making $200,000 a year AND having a life away from one's children is to be pitied in any way at all.

Applause from here too!!!
Although we discuss (or.....whatever you want to call it) this issue ad nauseum, it seems, I always find it odd that no one ever discusses a very important aspect of it -- the MONEY. The likelihood of a mom leaving her job after baby is directly related to how much money she could make if she stayed -- and whether she has enough clout at the job to negotiate a flexible work schedule. Sure, some high-paid moms leave, but in my experience, if you have a lucrative career and are valued enough to negiotiate a flexible schedule, you stay on. The SAHMs can "pity" us all they want, but the truth of the matter is that if they could make six figures for 30 hours a week (like me and many of my colleagues), they wouldn't be relishing the role of cook and laundress. They would be farming that crap out, and utilizing their flexible hours for only the good parts of the SAHM job -- the school events, sports games, and fun stuff with the kids. The extra income means I don't have to cook and clean and whine to my husband about all the cooking and cleaning. It means lots of extras for the kids, no chores on the weekends, -- and it means I have a fulfilling career that I will enjoy after the nest is empty. Don't waste your pity on me ladies.

When I was growing up both my mom and dad worked long hours which meant I was in after care everyday. I was almost always the last kid picked up and I hated it. I remember being really jealous of the kids whose parents were able to pick them up after school (or soon thereafter). In addition, by the time we got home it was time to eat dinner, take a bath, and go to bed. In junior high, I became a little lost and if someone had been around when I got home, it would have made a huge difference.

With all that said, they did their best to make sure we did fun things on the weekends and that I was able to participate in the activities that were really important to me. Also, because she worked we were able to live in this area in a nice house and a great school district. She sacrificed so that I could have things she never did growing up and was an outstanding role model as a strong working woman.

At this point I am choosing to be a SAHM but I am new to the gig and might change my mind someday. Obviously, being able to work part-time or have a flexible schedule would be the best situation but not everybody is lucky enough to have that. My mother's generation fought so that we could have the CHOICE to stay home or work...NOT so that we had to work 70 work weeks. I know my CHOICE is not the one that many around here make, however, I do not judge anybody else and would appreciate the same courtesy.

Signed,
A non-fat slob SAHM

Anonymous wrote:This must be a personality thing.
Do you seriously want to spend all day Saturday and all day Sunday, every single weekend, doing "fun-family themed activities"? I sure don't. I have a life apart from my kids.

Of COURSE you have a life apart from your kids! You work all day, and are sure to have plenty of time apart from them on the weekends, too.

You can probably hire a pet-walker to take them to the park on the weekends, if you ask around.

ugh...opening these makes me nostalgic for the 'scraggly hair' posts.

To 16:51 - yeah, my kids are home dirtying up the house all day even though I WOH FT. Imagine that!

To 16:50 - when do I see my kids?

For an hour in the morning before school.

Between 5:30 and 9 pm at night

On the weekends.

That is, unless they have a game or go to a friend's or......

"Basically I am a full time maid, cook, taxi driver and sex partner for my husband. There it is, any other questions? "

And if you died tomorrow, you'd be happy that you didn't do anything else? You know, something that didn't define you in terms of your relationship to your family? Concrete accomplishments? Not me.

to 6/6 15:18 - if you wouldn't make big bucks if you WOH, it doesn't matter if you WOH or SAH.

My WOH means our income is almost doubled, and enables long term plans to come to fruition.

Er, *train*.