Anonymous wrote:NP. This is controversial but I think part of the issue has been the multigenerational lack of large families, meaning that kids don’t have large extended families. There is nothing quite like close cousin relationships especially if they are lucky to be geographically near each other. And siblings may fight like rabid puppies between themselves but they often back each other up outside of the house. I think part of the distress is the breakdown of essentially family clans, something we literally evolved with.

Anonymous wrote:No spirituality

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Anonymous wrote:For us it's clear that there is much, much, much less face to face interaction with other kids. My son, in high school, goes out with friends every once in a while. Mostly, though, his friends are happy enough to stay home and play PS4 virtually with each other. When he does go out, it's usually disappointing because other people he wants to see have decided to stay home and play video games. My Middle School daughter - when she sees her friends, they are generally comparing Instagrams or chatting with other people online while hanging out. We used to wander the neighborhoods looking for other people to hang out with and then we would actually talk and play games and whatever.

Yes, I concur. My kids are spending much less time face-time with friends. My older kid does make weekend plans, but my other one does not (despite having friends!).

It is lonely!

Totally agree and this is hard to overcome. It's also "easier" in the short term as a parent to know your kid is home and physically safe chatting online with friends rather than out without your supervision. But to me, that's short sighted and will lead to other issues.

I think that the loss of socialization was becoming a problem before the pandemic, but now it is a crisis. I'm not sure that it is a preference for online communication or social media that caused the problem. However, the ever-looming danger of being humiliated through social media makes normal in-person relationships that much more intimidating.

Anonymous wrote:The negative effects of social media, particularly on teenage girls, are well-documented, and yet people continue to say that girls should “grow a tough skin.” Social media really is addicting.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read this whole thread, but social media is also convincing kids they are mentally ill because they get sad sometimes, have “trauma” from unpleasant things happening to them and/or are being raised by abusive parents because they are expected to help out around the house.

If you don’t believe it, search #traumatok on TikTok

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read this whole thread, but social media is also convincing kids they are mentally ill because they get sad sometimes, have “trauma” from unpleasant things happening to them and/or are being raised by abusive parents because they are expected to help out around the house.

If you don’t believe it, search #traumatok on TikTok

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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

And THIS comment. This one right here is EVERYTHING wrong with this generation's parenting. You are blaming teens that spent a night socializing without phones and may or may not repost some digital pictures the next day - as a horrible thing. And you also blamed the mom hosting these events.

And newsflash - I can absolutely handle feeling left out and have parented my kids to understand it happens all of the time too. Stop coddling your kids while judging others. Your kids will grow up to be just like you. Sad, judging, and always the victim. Raise your kids to be resilient and make their own fun, instead of blaming a mom who offers some fun to her daughter and a few friends.

No, I agree with the PP. I guarantee the DD of the poster who hosts these (otherwise excellent) get-togethers flaunts it. Asks all her friends to tag her on social media and do some hashtag. I bet the DD enjoys the likes and comments the next day even more than the party itself. That’s the only reason she walks around the party like a damn paparazzi instead of… actually participating in the party.

Having a party talked about at school the next day is completely different from having all the pictures in your feed so you can look at them over and over again, having them pop back up at the top of the feed every time someone comments on it, etc. I personally have not experienced it (and have young pre-social media kids) but I can imagine how it would be devastating. Yes, a smart teen with self-control will turn off notifications, unfollow or quit social media altogether. But it’s easier said than done with these developing hormone-filled kids. No, not everyone has to be invited to your party, but you don’t have to flaunt it FFS. Teach your kids some empathy.

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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

And THIS comment. This one right here is EVERYTHING wrong with this generation's parenting. You are blaming teens that spent a night socializing without phones and may or may not repost some digital pictures the next day - as a horrible thing. And you also blamed the mom hosting these events.

And newsflash - I can absolutely handle feeling left out and have parented my kids to understand it happens all of the time too. Stop coddling your kids while judging others. Your kids will grow up to be just like you. Sad, judging, and always the victim. Raise your kids to be resilient and make their own fun, instead of blaming a mom who offers some fun to her daughter and a few friends.

No, I agree with the PP. I guarantee the DD of the poster who hosts these (otherwise excellent) get-togethers flaunts it. Asks all her friends to tag her on social media and do some hashtag. I bet the DD enjoys the likes and comments the next day even more than the party itself. That’s the only reason she walks around the party like a damn paparazzi instead of… actually participating in the party.

Having a party talked about at school the next day is completely different from having all the pictures in your feed so you can look at them over and over again, having them pop back up at the top of the feed every time someone comments on it, etc. I personally have not experienced it (and have young pre-social media kids) but I can imagine how it would be devastating. Yes, a smart teen with self-control will turn off notifications, unfollow or quit social media altogether. But it’s easier said than done with these developing hormone-filled kids. No, not everyone has to be invited to your party, but you don’t have to flaunt it FFS. Teach your kids some empathy.

My God woman you are literally going to be the most judgement worst mom to your itty bitty kids. I feel sorry for them. You only have preschoolers and you are on a "parents of teen" board and not only did you just make up a hypothetical situation of a party you know nothing about with a generation of kids you don't even understand; you are mom shaming, minor shaming, girl shaming, puberty shaming, intelligent shaming, and telling all other people of the world on social media, they are not allowed to post pictures of good moments in their lives unless everyone in their lives was included. Otherwise those people are flaunting and have no empathy. Mom of the Year right here!!!!

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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.

Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.

This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.

First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.

Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.

+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.

Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.

+1 What teens need and mostly lack is autonomy. And it starts at an early age. They need to be out in the world with friends, making their own choices about ECs, working a part-time job. Generally making their own decisions and figuring out (with parent support) how to deal with the consequences.

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Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

And THIS comment. This one right here is EVERYTHING wrong with this generation's parenting. You are blaming teens that spent a night socializing without phones and may or may not repost some digital pictures the next day - as a horrible thing. And you also blamed the mom hosting these events.

And newsflash - I can absolutely handle feeling left out and have parented my kids to understand it happens all of the time too. Stop coddling your kids while judging others. Your kids will grow up to be just like you. Sad, judging, and always the victim. Raise your kids to be resilient and make their own fun, instead of blaming a mom who offers some fun to her daughter and a few friends.

No, I agree with the PP. I guarantee the DD of the poster who hosts these (otherwise excellent) get-togethers flaunts it. Asks all her friends to tag her on social media and do some hashtag. I bet the DD enjoys the likes and comments the next day even more than the party itself. That’s the only reason she walks around the party like a damn paparazzi instead of… actually participating in the party.

Having a party talked about at school the next day is completely different from having all the pictures in your feed so you can look at them over and over again, having them pop back up at the top of the feed every time someone comments on it, etc. I personally have not experienced it (and have young pre-social media kids) but I can imagine how it would be devastating. Yes, a smart teen with self-control will turn off notifications, unfollow or quit social media altogether. But it’s easier said than done with these developing hormone-filled kids. No, not everyone has to be invited to your party, but you don’t have to flaunt it FFS. Teach your kids some empathy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.

Yes, but "back in the day" when my friends were doing things I wasn't invited to, I didn't always know. And I certainly wasn't subjected to posts, hashtags, pictures of all the fun they were having without me. Repeatedly. All the time.

It's different.

This is total BS. Everyone talked in school what they did the weekend prior. It felt even worse to think nothing happened and then found out Monday morning, everyone but you was somewhere. It happens. Life moves on. We had land lines and everyone knew what everyone was doing most of the time anyway.

I am honestly shocked how you are all raising snowflakes who can not handle anything. You actually think it is social media causing mental health issues and not your own terrible helicopter parenting. That is the biggest irony in all of this. You are pointing fingers at happy kids posting pics with friends and labeling them as the issue. Do you realize how depressingly toxic that is? Like woah. You are all insane. Just take your kids phones and social media away. Problem solved. They will be happy for life.

First of all, you are an a-hole. You know NOTHING about me or my kid. She's tough as nails, as I've taught her she has to be, dealing with jacka$$e like you who think that can just do whatever they want, regardless of other people's feelings. She's also a straight A, high performing athlete, who handles her business w/o me "helicoptering." And she is cognizant of other peoples' feelings, unlike yourself. Maybe you should focus less on being a judgmental a$$hole and worrying about how other people parent their kids, and more on yourself. I assure you, there is plenty to work on there.

Second of all, I in no way said social media is the ONLY cause of mental issues. People are saying it is ONE of them. And it is. This is well-documented. Since you know everything, I assume you can find that information on your own.

Lastly, I do not care what went on in your HS a million years ago. Surely you know just b/c it was your experience that "Everyone knew everything", it was not everyone's experience? It wasn't mine. Or are you one of those who think there are no starving people in the world because you had a sandwich for lunch? Yes, people talked. But you did not know the blow-by-blow activities of your friends, boyfriend/girlfriends, frenemies, whoever, like you do now. For some kids, it can be crushing. Especially quirky kids, introverts, kids with special needs, etc. No one is saying never post, never share, never be on social media. Well maybe some are, but I'm not. But maybe be aware, thoughtful. It's really not that hard.

Looks like someone hit a nerve. Not the PP but you literally just reiterated everything that person mentioned. You were judging innocent teens using social media, now judging the mothers, and now even name calling, acting like you know them and even cursing. Something about world hunger and sandwiches too. Yikes. If your kid is so perfect what is your issue? Be happy of your perfect kid and don't worry about what others do. But your hatred and anger is telling a very different story. Might need to talk to someone about that. Doesn't seem healthy.

+1

Just reading through this thread it is very apparent that it is not social media, but the parents.

You all starting attacking one mom for having her 12yr old have friends over and slinging nasty shots at her and the 12-13 year olds for using a digital camera. Why? She is the only one that had a nice long post about how she tries to help limit screens and increase socialization, but you moms were not having it. Guilting her and judging her.

I think it is an excellent idea and will be starting that at my house as well. Maybe if more parents took initiative instead of whining about social media, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

You wonder why teen girls may beat each other down instead of lifting each other up? Just look at this entire thread as Exhibit A. They learn how to behave from their parents.

And like another poster said. Parents pay for phones and control social media. So it indeed falls back on parents. Stop pointing fingers at other minors or electronics, or anything else.

Yup so far we have heard...

Not allowed to date or no time to date in high school
Blames other minors for social media issues
Pushes academics, GPA, tutors for classes to achieve all A’s, retakes on SAT, etc...
Forces activities to make a college resume
Barely have jobs, let alone chores or any real responsibilities.

Teens are suffocating and have no self worth or confidence. No time to enjoy love or friendships. No time to make mistakes and learn from them.

I know but DCUM parents won’t admit to that bc it’s their parenting style.

Parents are worried because they know their children will have to fight to achieve even a middle-class lifestyle. It is a fight for dwindling resources and concern for their children’s future. The tension around competition is draining and kids burn out. They lack freshness and optimism because they know more of the same awaits them.