OP here. I didn’t realize this thread was still going.

I’ve had 4 other serious relationship. 3 in my twenties where it was serious but neither of us were at a point where we wanted to settle down at that age. My last was two years long and was very serious. I planned to marry her but ultimately she didn’t want kids and it ended. She felt like she needed to have kids because bed family was telling her that’s what is normal, but she told me when we were about to get engaged that she didn’t want kids, and didn’t feel right marrying me knowing I wanted kids. She said she loved me and didn’t want to lie to me. She tried to want those things but she just didn’t want kids. I loved her but I do want kids and decided it was best to end the relationship. That was two years ago and she has since married a man who also doesn’t want kids. We would be married today if she did want kids because she was an amazing partner and we got along very well.

I’ve lived in my parents paid off condo that they own but I have lived in with roommates and on my own when before moving in here two years ago. I’ve paid rent, paid utilities, and paid for my school on my own. I know how to function as an adult. I could have lived on more money, but I chose to save money because I want to make life easier for my future wife and kids.

I’m open to having a SAHM wife. My mother quit her job to raise me and my brother. I have a strong respect for women who want to stay home and I ultimately don’t care if my wife wants to stay home or work. I don’t mind supporting my family if my wife chooses to stay home. It’s just that she needs to understand that we can’t live beyond our means and have the most expensive everything. She will have full access to money and will never have to worry about looking over every expense. I’ve lived with my ex before this one for a year and never had an issue. I just want someone reasonable who will live within their means and not spend money or the point that we can’t afford a comfortable lifestyle.

I never said I would pay for the wedding and down payment, she just assumed. She was raised in an upper middle class family but she is not from a rich family. She does work and makes a good income. She does pay for her own apartment. I did pay for everything while we were together. When discussing finances, she just assumed I would pay for everything. We discussed my savings and I told her how I save most of my money because I want to be able to afford a house, have a wife who has the option to stay at home, have kids, etc. Besides groceries, she had never once paid for anything, and she just assumed I would pay for everything as well. I don’t mind paying for it, but the assumption that I would pay for it all feels like I’m being used.

I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I just want someone who loves me and wants to be with me for more than what I can do for them. I want a real partner, not someone who sees me as their meal ticket. My parents have been married for over 40 years and have been an excellent example of what real love, commitment, and partnership is. I want that for my future kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.

I think it's fine that they broke up but this is revisionist af. OP said his fiancee still had her own apartment that she pays for, but had been staying at his (parents') place the last 2 months. She buys groceries but he pays his own "nominal" rent on the paid off apartment his parents own to his own parents.

Buys groceries..LOL. That's is nothing. OP flat out said she expected him to use his money to pay for the downpayment on their 2 million house. She works and can't contribute to her own potential house. Yeah, what a gal!

He said multiple times he's been saving 90% of his income specifically to pay for a house. Now if she says "so we'll use that money for a down payment" it's a crazy "demand"? He's living for basically free off his parents and saving a hoard. She's paying market rate on her apartment and paying for stuff around his house, on her own dime.

They shouldn't get married but he should look at his role in this debacle. He's in danger of becoming one of those FIRE fanatics that can't function in the real world, and I say that as someone who saves 50%+ of our HHI.

Sorry not seeing anywhere where OP mentions that his finance has an apartment of her own that she is paying for or that she pays for things around his house. I find it odd that a 30 year old woman with a job expects her finance to use the majority of his savings to pay for a down payment on their future house. She didn't even ask him, just assumed he would give her everything she wants without question. His budget is 1.5. She wants 2.5. She can't contribute financially for a down payment especially for a more expensive house? Why not? The other poster got it right. She wants a "Rich" husband that doesn't have a backbone and will spend money on whatever she wants. Now that OP pushed back on her wants, she balks. The 1.5 ring wasn't good enough, a 1.5 mil house isn't good enough. She demands a lot for someone who isn't contributing anything financially and I sincerely doubt she will be the type of SAHM that cleans that 2.5 house all by herself. She will have a maid, cook, nanny etc.

Read the thread:
Anonymous wrote:
You sound weak. She has clearly made a strategic decision by "breaking up" with you. She's playing chicken, testing to see if she can control you. She threatens that you'll lose her, banking on you begging her back. Please be strong. All of your friends and loved ones are right. She's wrong for you.

Questions:
--did she give the ring back?
--did you bring up her snarkiness about her friend's ring and the ring that you bought? if so, did she show any embarrassment about her behavior?
--how were bills in your joint household being handled these last several months? did she pay her fair share?


OP here.

- I asked for the ring back last night after she said she needed a break. She was pissed but gave it back.
- I didn’t say much about that to her.
- I paid for everything but she still and her own apartment and pays for all her personals. We have only been living together for two months. She would buy groceries and stuff for the house on occasion but I mostly paid for everything.

He also said he has been saving 90% of his income for "wedding, house, and a family" so why would she not assume that money was available for a down payment. Obviously they have to come to terms on what is the right size / location / cost for a house, but yes I would expect the 35 year old who has a huge savings account because mom and dad covered housing his whole life to have more to contribute to a down payment.

Also note that he says "I paid for everything [here's a list of all the things she actually paid for] I paid for everything." He's ignoring her contributions because it doesn't suit his narrative.

Anonymous wrote:When I read the description of the ex I think she has Borderline Personality Disorder or is simply one of the smartest women around. Men want women to be pretty and lavish with sex, praise, and attention, and logistical life support. Most women who earn a decent living are unwilling to expend that much of their energy to construct and maintain the "femininity" that keeps husbands happy. Men stay because they don't want to lose joint resources or access to their kids. Few actually prefer equality. OP, your ex will find someone new and it won't take long because women like her are increasingly rare. She knows her value to men like you.

WTF? OP's ex wants to be a 'kept woman.' Nothing unique or special about that. Smart men don't want another dependent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.

I think it's fine that they broke up but this is revisionist af. OP said his fiancee still had her own apartment that she pays for, but had been staying at his (parents') place the last 2 months. She buys groceries but he pays his own "nominal" rent on the paid off apartment his parents own to his own parents.

Buys groceries..LOL. That's is nothing. OP flat out said she expected him to use his money to pay for the downpayment on their 2 million house. She works and can't contribute to her own potential house. Yeah, what a gal!

He said multiple times he's been saving 90% of his income specifically to pay for a house. Now if she says "so we'll use that money for a down payment" it's a crazy "demand"? He's living for basically free off his parents and saving a hoard. She's paying market rate on her apartment and paying for stuff around his house, on her own dime.

They shouldn't get married but he should look at his role in this debacle. He's in danger of becoming one of those FIRE fanatics that can't function in the real world, and I say that as someone who saves 50%+ of our HHI.

Sorry not seeing anywhere where OP mentions that his finance has an apartment of her own that she is paying for or that she pays for things around his house. I find it odd that a 30 year old woman with a job expects her finance to use the majority of his savings to pay for a down payment on their future house. She didn't even ask him, just assumed he would give her everything she wants without question. His budget is 1.5. She wants 2.5. She can't contribute financially for a down payment especially for a more expensive house? Why not? The other poster got it right. She wants a "Rich" husband that doesn't have a backbone and will spend money on whatever she wants. Now that OP pushed back on her wants, she balks. The 1.5 ring wasn't good enough, a 1.5 mil house isn't good enough. She demands a lot for someone who isn't contributing anything financially and I sincerely doubt she will be the type of SAHM that cleans that 2.5 house all by herself. She will have a maid, cook, nanny etc.

Anonymous wrote:When I read the description of the ex I think she has Borderline Personality Disorder or is simply one of the smartest women around. Men want women to be pretty and lavish with sex, praise, and attention, and logistical life support. Most women who earn a decent living are unwilling to expend that much of their energy to construct and maintain the "femininity" that keeps husbands happy. Men stay because they don't want to lose joint resources or access to their kids. Few actually prefer equality. OP, your ex will find someone new and it won't take long because women like her are increasingly rare. She knows her value to men like you.

I don't know about the UMC white collar men you know, but the ones I know prefer driven women with thriving careers who can be their intellectual equal.

When I read the description of the ex I think she has Borderline Personality Disorder or is simply one of the smartest women around. Men want women to be pretty and lavish with sex, praise, and attention, and logistical life support. Most women who earn a decent living are unwilling to expend that much of their energy to construct and maintain the "femininity" that keeps husbands happy. Men stay because they don't want to lose joint resources or access to their kids. Few actually prefer equality. OP, your ex will find someone new and it won't take long because women like her are increasingly rare. She knows her value to men like you.

Anyone who makes cost of the ring an issue isn’t in love or has financial sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.

I think it's fine that they broke up but this is revisionist af. OP said his fiancee still had her own apartment that she pays for, but had been staying at his (parents') place the last 2 months. She buys groceries but he pays his own "nominal" rent on the paid off apartment his parents own to his own parents.

Buys groceries..LOL. That's is nothing. OP flat out said she expected him to use his money to pay for the downpayment on their 2 million house. She works and can't contribute to her own potential house. Yeah, what a gal!

With her income, living expenses and upcoming wedding expenses , she probably doesn’t have much in savings to offer for a down payment.

I don’t get people questioning her parent pitching in. She is 30 year old employed woman with a high earning fiancé, why should they spend their retirement savings in her.

I understand wanting to buy a nicer home if they can afford or trying to have children early on as they are 30 and 35 so wouldn’t want to wait and risk infertility. Becoming SAHM also seems okay considering its acceptable in their social circle and husband earns the lion’s share so it’s an affordable option.

What I see as a red flag is ring and wedding, I think anyone wanting to spend a lot there is immature and wouldn’t make a compatible partner for a mature and frugal person. However, most girls get carried away in consumerist idea of romance at the time of wedding.

I think the key question you need to ask yourself OP is if you want a SAHM for a wife. That's obviously what she's looking for and if you can't stomach that then absolutely don't consider going back to her. She is in the market for a rich husband to support the kind of lifestyle she wants and it sounds like you check all the boxes. But she probably (wisely) saw that you weren't going to be an easy meal ticket so she decided to not risk moving forward. If she truly cared for you she would have valued the relationship over a 2 million dollar house--but she doesn't. You are better off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.

I think it's fine that they broke up but this is revisionist af. OP said his fiancee still had her own apartment that she pays for, but had been staying at his (parents') place the last 2 months. She buys groceries but he pays his own "nominal" rent on the paid off apartment his parents own to his own parents.

Buys groceries..LOL. That's is nothing. OP flat out said she expected him to use his money to pay for the downpayment on their 2 million house. She works and can't contribute to her own potential house. Yeah, what a gal!

He said multiple times he's been saving 90% of his income specifically to pay for a house. Now if she says "so we'll use that money for a down payment" it's a crazy "demand"? He's living for basically free off his parents and saving a hoard. She's paying market rate on her apartment and paying for stuff around his house, on her own dime.

They shouldn't get married but he should look at his role in this debacle. He's in danger of becoming one of those FIRE fanatics that can't function in the real world, and I say that as someone who saves 50%+ of our HHI.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.

I think it's fine that they broke up but this is revisionist af. OP said his fiancee still had her own apartment that she pays for, but had been staying at his (parents') place the last 2 months. She buys groceries but he pays his own "nominal" rent on the paid off apartment his parents own to his own parents.

Buys groceries..LOL. That's is nothing. OP flat out said she expected him to use his money to pay for the downpayment on their 2 million house. She works and can't contribute to her own potential house. Yeah, what a gal!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.

I think it's fine that they broke up but this is revisionist af. OP said his fiancee still had her own apartment that she pays for, but had been staying at his (parents') place the last 2 months. She buys groceries but he pays his own "nominal" rent on the paid off apartment his parents own to his own parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well looks like this sorted itself. Rather than fake it through counseling to get her clutches into your $2 million, she left you and your money. Perhaps not so greedy and money hungry after all

At the end of the day, OP and his ex are not on the same page.

I would be hurt and sad if my fiancé wanted to call off the engagement. I probably would not understand the ring comment or the house.

When Dh proposed to me, the diamond was small. I didn’t like my ring at all. I guess the difference was that I didn’t say anything and we got married. I remember my divorced friend once told me that she knew she shouldn’t have married her ex when he proposed with a crappy ring he bought at the mall. I know she just said it out of hurt but there is some truth to it.

I think the fiancé was just too honest. I don’t think her feelings are unique. Wanting a nice ring, a nice house and wanting to stay home with the kids is a want many women have. Execution of how to get this will vary.

I remember when I had my first baby, some old grandmothers congratulationed me and made it seem like I sealed the deal. As if just being married wasn’t serious enough.

Oh please, your friend new by the type of ring her former husband bought her that the marriage wouldn't work out? Then, why did she get married? She couldn't help pitch in to get a better ring if this issues was such a dealbreaker.

The finance was a gold digger plain and simple. She expected the OP to pay for everything. She has a supposedly wealthy family, but they can't chip in and pay for their daughter's wedding? They can't contribute to the 2mil dollars house she expects starting out which is insane for a first time homebuyer. She can't contribute to the 2 million dollar house herself? Op mentioned she had a job. OP never answered whether she contributed to their current place so I am guessing that means 'no.'. I can't imagine why a well off successful man would want to marry such a demanding, entitled woman. The finance sounds beyond obnoxious. The ring he gave her wasn't good enough. Her wants were extremely lavish and she supposedly was devoted to her job, but would quit once she got married. Sounds like OP dodged a bullet and can find someone who is not into his money but into him.