Anonymous wrote:My SIL did this with my nephew, who was special needs. He screamed the entire time she was gone, and started having anxiety problems which have lasted him his entire life. He is 20 now.

Op here. We have left him recently with our nanny and he did well. DH was gone and I took our older child with me to a funeral out of state. He was with the nanny for 3 days and all was well. I don’t know if things will be significantly different if we go for a week instead of a few days.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you have multiple nannies but can't afford to cancel this trip and book something suitable for the entire family.

THIS! The OP's BS story is that she has spent all her money on this one vacation and it's all non-refundable, and yet, she has two nannies and can afford to pay the regular nanny for a week of 24/7 care (plus overtime b/c I'm sure OP complies with all local employment laws).

Honestly, this sounds like some psych student's attempt to create a new wire-monkey mother narrative.

I can’t imagine leaving one kid home at Christmas, regardless of how young they are. Cancel the trip.

Anonymous wrote:While the "whole family" goes on vacation? It won't be the WHOLE FAMILY without your poor child, OP. I seriously am tearing up thinking of a baby left behind at Christmas.

Same. But honestly, the very fact that she is considering it kinda tells you what kind of mother (and I use the term loosely) she is.

Abandoning your special needs toddler on Christmas?

Wow.

Wow.

WOW.

While the "whole family" goes on vacation? It won't be the WHOLE FAMILY without your poor child, OP. I seriously am tearing up thinking of a baby left behind at Christmas.

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Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I was left behind while my parents went on vacation with my brother at a similar age. I have no memory of this, of course, and I think any issues I have from how my parents treated me as a child has much more to do with my mother's anxiety and isolation than the particular choice to leave me behind that one time. I wish she could have gotten more breaks.

OP, I know it's hard, but ignore the sanctimommy noise on DCUM. It's all about their insecurities and not about you at all. If you can feel certain your son will be well-cared-for and tolerate your absence, then I say go.

You're fortunate nothing happened to you while she left you behind. Many kids aren't, so stop belittling concern as "sanctimommy noise".

You know things can happen to children even if their mother is literally with them every second of every minute of every day right?

Yes, but at least that wouldn't be the fault of the mother abandoning their child.

No, it would be the mother's fault for directly causing the the "thing" by either harming the child herself or failing to protect her child from danger. That's way better.

Children are actually die under the care of family vs a caregiver.

That's possible, but not the norm. Either way, unless the state has determined she is unfit, the mother is the legal guardian, and is ultimately responsible. But you surely know this, so I don't know how defending child abandonment for a trip to the Carribean benefits you to the point that you're willing to play devil's advocate in its defense.

Do you consider it "child abandonment" every time I drop my child off at daycare lol? Look, if OP is considering leaving her SN 2 yo at home by themselves, then I'm with you all the way. But what I am seeing is she was considering leaving her child with a known caregiver, and in no universe (except the wacko one you live in, apparently) is that child abandonment.

Also, side question, is it child abandonment if she leaves the child with their father?

I don't live in a wacko unvierse.

My SIL did this with my nephew, who was special needs. He screamed the entire time she was gone, and started having anxiety problems which have lasted him his entire life. He is 20 now.

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Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I was left behind while my parents went on vacation with my brother at a similar age. I have no memory of this, of course, and I think any issues I have from how my parents treated me as a child has much more to do with my mother's anxiety and isolation than the particular choice to leave me behind that one time. I wish she could have gotten more breaks.

OP, I know it's hard, but ignore the sanctimommy noise on DCUM. It's all about their insecurities and not about you at all. If you can feel certain your son will be well-cared-for and tolerate your absence, then I say go.

You're fortunate nothing happened to you while she left you behind. Many kids aren't, so stop belittling concern as "sanctimommy noise".

You know things can happen to children even if their mother is literally with them every second of every minute of every day right?

Yes, but at least that wouldn't be the fault of the mother abandoning their child.

No, it would be the mother's fault for directly causing the the "thing" by either harming the child herself or failing to protect her child from danger. That's way better.

Children are actually die under the care of family vs a caregiver.

That's possible, but not the norm. Either way, unless the state has determined she is unfit, the mother is the legal guardian, and is ultimately responsible. But you surely know this, so I don't know how defending child abandonment for a trip to the Carribean benefits you to the point that you're willing to play devil's advocate in its defense.

Do you consider it "child abandonment" every time I drop my child off at daycare lol? Look, if OP is considering leaving her SN 2 yo at home by themselves, then I'm with you all the way. But what I am seeing is she was considering leaving her child with a known caregiver, and in no universe (except the wacko one you live in, apparently) is that child abandonment.

Also, side question, is it child abandonment if she leaves the child with their father?

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Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I was left behind while my parents went on vacation with my brother at a similar age. I have no memory of this, of course, and I think any issues I have from how my parents treated me as a child has much more to do with my mother's anxiety and isolation than the particular choice to leave me behind that one time. I wish she could have gotten more breaks.

OP, I know it's hard, but ignore the sanctimommy noise on DCUM. It's all about their insecurities and not about you at all. If you can feel certain your son will be well-cared-for and tolerate your absence, then I say go.

You're fortunate nothing happened to you while she left you behind. Many kids aren't, so stop belittling concern as "sanctimommy noise".

You know things can happen to children even if their mother is literally with them every second of every minute of every day right?

Yes, but at least that wouldn't be the fault of the mother abandoning their child.

No, it would be the mother's fault for directly causing the the "thing" by either harming the child herself or failing to protect her child from danger. That's way better.

Children are actually die under the care of family vs a caregiver.

That's possible, but not the norm. Either way, unless the state has determined she is unfit, the mother is the legal guardian, and is ultimately responsible. But you surely know this, so I don't know how defending child abandonment for a trip to the Carribean benefits you to the point that you're willing to play devil's advocate in its defense.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who said this should have been on the SN board. Those are the only families who really understand the struggle.

I think OP is using her child's SNs to cover for the fact that she is just annoyed about the mask requirement and doesn't want to cancel an anticipated vacation because of it. A lot of SN parents are jumping in and saying "oh you guys don't understand what it's like, OP needs a break." But OP is not home with this child 24/7 or close to it. She and her DH both work full time and they have multiple nannies (a full time nanny and a "weekend" nanny who also works nights sometimes). So while it does sound like OP wants a break, I don't think it's the 2 year old she needs the break from.

She wants "permission" to do this because she knows it's shady. And while OP can and should do whatever she wants, many of us have zero interest in saying "yes, seems great, I too would do that." It sounds awful to me.

It really doesn't even have much to do with SN.

OP - what did you decide to do? If it were me, I would cancel the trip. or just postpone it. Think of it that way - it'll be less of a drag. And then go somewhere closer for a great whole-family trip. I'm sorry this happened - it sucks!

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Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I was left behind while my parents went on vacation with my brother at a similar age. I have no memory of this, of course, and I think any issues I have from how my parents treated me as a child has much more to do with my mother's anxiety and isolation than the particular choice to leave me behind that one time. I wish she could have gotten more breaks.

OP, I know it's hard, but ignore the sanctimommy noise on DCUM. It's all about their insecurities and not about you at all. If you can feel certain your son will be well-cared-for and tolerate your absence, then I say go.

You're fortunate nothing happened to you while she left you behind. Many kids aren't, so stop belittling concern as "sanctimommy noise".

You know things can happen to children even if their mother is literally with them every second of every minute of every day right?

Yes, but at least that wouldn't be the fault of the mother abandoning their child.

No, it would be the mother's fault for directly causing the the "thing" by either harming the child herself or failing to protect her child from danger. That's way better.

Children are actually die under the care of family vs a caregiver.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who said this should have been on the SN board. Those are the only families who really understand the struggle.

The struggle isn’t the SN. It is that they want to take a trip.

Agree with the poster who said this should have been on the SN board. Those are the only families who really understand the struggle.