Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some of the posters on here are completely letting the OP off the hook for her enmeshed, obsessive, controlling behavior in all of this but instead gaslighting the DIL by trying to turn it on her and saying she is the controlling one and it shouldn't have come from her. When you really can't have it both ways. Because the DIL probably sees how her MIL is with husband and recognizes her enmeshed ways with her son AKA DIL's husband and her husband most likely doesn't have a spine of his own to stand up to his mother so his poor wife has finally has enough and had to do it. That doesn't make her abusive give me a break that means she sees behavior for what it is and isn't afraid to try to put a stop to it. With the OP being the way she appears to be from her OP it gives the DIL a MUCH greater green light to speak up.

As many PPs have said, OP is enmeshed and creepy, but DIL is ALSO controlling and obsessive. You just are ignoring all those posts.

DIL doesn't get a pass here. Her behavior is off too, as is OPs.

I think OP is much more creepy and obsessive than the DIL. So her behavior kind of overlooks DIL's

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

Unless your intention is to cause friction in their marriage you need to back off. His wife has stated her preference, if your son disagrees with her than it’s up to him to figure out how to handle it. Do not get involved in this or your going to create friction not only between you and DIL but between your son and his wife. She is setting a boundary, respect it not just for her but for your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some of the posters on here are completely letting the OP off the hook for her enmeshed, obsessive, controlling behavior in all of this but instead gaslighting the DIL by trying to turn it on her and saying she is the controlling one and it shouldn't have come from her. When you really can't have it both ways. Because the DIL probably sees how her MIL is with husband and recognizes her enmeshed ways with her son AKA DIL's husband and her husband most likely doesn't have a spine of his own to stand up to his mother so his poor wife has finally has enough and had to do it. That doesn't make her abusive give me a break that means she sees behavior for what it is and isn't afraid to try to put a stop to it. With the OP being the way she appears to be from her OP it gives the DIL a MUCH greater green light to speak up.

As many PPs have said, OP is enmeshed and creepy, but DIL is ALSO controlling and obsessive. You just are ignoring all those posts.

DIL doesn't get a pass here. Her behavior is off too, as is OPs.

Did you read OP's update though? Your response leads me to believe you haven't. She didn't just randomly bring up the are going screen free. There was already a back and forth going on about the vacation s conversation that all 3 of them were engaged in. The way DIL worded it was in a way of making conversation saying we are excited to go screen free. Did you notice the "we?" She probably thought nothing of it when she mentioned it just like another part of their vacation. So it didn't come from the son so what? She probably just happened to mention it first. Please tell me how you get controlling out of that?? Plenty of couples go screen free and unplug while they are away. If you actually read the post and paid attention to details you would have noticed that the DIL made it clear they have both been under stress and that's why they are unplugging

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some of the posters on here are completely letting the OP off the hook for her enmeshed, obsessive, controlling behavior in all of this but instead gaslighting the DIL by trying to turn it on her and saying she is the controlling one and it shouldn't have come from her. When you really can't have it both ways. Because the DIL probably sees how her MIL is with husband and recognizes her enmeshed ways with her son AKA DIL's husband and her husband most likely doesn't have a spine of his own to stand up to his mother so his poor wife has finally has enough and had to do it. That doesn't make her abusive give me a break that means she sees behavior for what it is and isn't afraid to try to put a stop to it. With the OP being the way she appears to be from her OP it gives the DIL a MUCH greater green light to speak up.

As many PPs have said, OP is enmeshed and creepy, but DIL is ALSO controlling and obsessive. You just are ignoring all those posts.

DIL doesn't get a pass here. Her behavior is off too, as is OPs.

How is DIL’s behavior off? Did you read OP’s post? Son said they had been stressed and they were looking forward to vacation. DIL said they were going to be screen free and just relax. Then the conversation moved on to something else. In what world is DIL’s behavior controlling or otherwise off?

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some of the posters on here are completely letting the OP off the hook for her enmeshed, obsessive, controlling behavior in all of this but instead gaslighting the DIL by trying to turn it on her and saying she is the controlling one and it shouldn't have come from her. When you really can't have it both ways. Because the DIL probably sees how her MIL is with husband and recognizes her enmeshed ways with her son AKA DIL's husband and her husband most likely doesn't have a spine of his own to stand up to his mother so his poor wife has finally has enough and had to do it. That doesn't make her abusive give me a break that means she sees behavior for what it is and isn't afraid to try to put a stop to it. With the OP being the way she appears to be from her OP it gives the DIL a MUCH greater green light to speak up.

As many PPs have said, OP is enmeshed and creepy, but DIL is ALSO controlling and obsessive. You just are ignoring all those posts.

DIL doesn't get a pass here. Her behavior is off too, as is OPs.

I can't believe some of the posters on here are completely letting the OP off the hook for her enmeshed, obsessive, controlling behavior in all of this but instead gaslighting the DIL by trying to turn it on her and saying she is the controlling one and it shouldn't have come from her. When you really can't have it both ways. Because the DIL probably sees how her MIL is with husband and recognizes her enmeshed ways with her son AKA DIL's husband and her husband most likely doesn't have a spine of his own to stand up to his mother so his poor wife has finally has enough and had to do it. That doesn't make her abusive give me a break that means she sees behavior for what it is and isn't afraid to try to put a stop to it. With the OP being the way she appears to be from her OP it gives the DIL a MUCH greater green light to speak up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

Sounds like son T’d it up then. He told you there has been stress and he is looking forward to going away with her. Maybe this was even his idea!

DP. Wow. I would never read that summary that way.

What DIL said nothing wrong here. She didn't randomly say we are going screen free just from you MIL. The topic of conversation was already on the vacation and she casually threw in there that they are going screen free and can't wait to unplug from their stressful lives. Not sure what's wrong with what she said.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

OMG so your son did say that he is stressed from work and needs to unwind and is really looking forward to this time on vacation with his wife. He is completely on board with going screen free.

My DH has a busy job and has phone calls even when he comes home. It is really hard for him to unwind. Again this is why people are choosing screen free on vacations these days, to unwind, relax.

I can't believe the PP's who are suggesting the wife is controlling and abusive. The son even said he has been stressed at work and is looking forward to this time away. People don't understand the ton of phone calls and screen time that work involves. Its nice to unplug from that. This is what that couple were saying.

OP just before their trip I would ring and tell them to have a great time. I would say that you will not call to give them time to relax and if he wants to catch up, you will leave it with him to call you. That gives him time to relax and not worry, it lets him know its on him to call you. Perhaps after a few days and they have relaxed they may call family to check in or they may really not want to. Just let them relax and unwind at their own pace, you have simply forgotten how exhausting working can be.

Anonymous wrote:I guess if everyone unanimously agrees that I'm being overbearing and not respecting my son and his wife that I just got to accept that I won't hear from my son for 2 weeks. Maybe I'll plan an outing with some girlfriends one evening. I do work but it's part time. I am married but my husband works a ton so we aren't around each other much. Maybe he can take some time off and we can do something like day trips or even an overnight trip ourselves.

I just wish it was my son who relayed the message to me and not my DIL.

There it is. You don't have a companion in your spouse and you are substituting in your son for the contact you crave.

Yes, you should plan an outing with girlfriends. A whole lot more than you are currently. Find something to fill the off hours if you only work part time. You must have some interests that you can foster through volunteering. Learn a craft. Take a class. Take up a new exercise. You NEED to find something other than your son.
And God forbid they have a child anytime soon. Your obsessive need to be included is going to be more harm than good.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So nothing about DIL's general comment was actually directed at you specifically? I think you read something into it that was not meant to single you out as much as to say we are answering to no one - bosses, family, friends, telemarketers, . . . and you are choosing to make it about you.

Your son says he needs a vacation.
Please just let him have one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

Sounds like son T’d it up then. He told you there has been stress and he is looking forward to going away with her. Maybe this was even his idea!

DP. Wow. I would never read that summary that way.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

Sounds like son T’d it up then. He told you there has been stress and he is looking forward to going away with her. Maybe this was even his idea!

I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.