Anonymous wrote:You younger Boomers and older Gen Xers are in for a very rude awakening. Very soon. Best to look at the landscape and change your immature, selfish behavior now.

-If you hurt someone, you apologize, and change your behavior

-If you have grandchildren, you respect their parents, and go with their flow

-If you continue your selfish, immature, harmful behavior, don’t be surprised when the natural consequences of YOUR choices is distance, silence and ultimately no contact.

The time for you to grow up and take responsibility for your actions is now. Before it is too late.

And don’t think for a second that we will be missing out on anything. There are plenty of healthy relationships that we have with neighbors, colleagues, friends, people in our community that more than make up for the “loss” of your harmful presence in our lives. You will not be missed, or mourned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is too short. You’ll regret this childish behavior. They are old and not going to change. Try to look for the good in them - they’ll soon be gone forever.

It is not childish to expect people to apologize when they have wronged are harmed you, and stop harmful behavior when asked.

It IS childish to expect people to continue wanting to be around you or engage with you when you ignore their feelings, fail to own up to your mistakes, refuse to apologize when you are wrong, and generally treat them with dismissal and disrespect.

Want a healthy adult relationship, with anyone? Treat them with respect, kindness, openness and authenticity.

It is extraordinarily selfish and childish for grown adults to think they can treat people with disrespect, with no consequences.

Ok, but for all of OP's word salad, it's still unclear to me what "harm" her parents caused and what their harmful behavior was that warrents estrangement as punishment. Look, if she doesn't like them and doesn't want to be in contact anymore, fine, but at some point we all need to grow up and take some responsibility rather than continuing to blame our parents (or siblings) for everything that's gone wrong in our lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is too short. You’ll regret this childish behavior. They are old and not going to change. Try to look for the good in them - they’ll soon be gone forever.

It is not childish to expect people to apologize when they have wronged are harmed you, and stop harmful behavior when asked.

It IS childish to expect people to continue wanting to be around you or engage with you when you ignore their feelings, fail to own up to your mistakes, refuse to apologize when you are wrong, and generally treat them with dismissal and disrespect.

Want a healthy adult relationship, with anyone? Treat them with respect, kindness, openness and authenticity.

It is extraordinarily selfish and childish for grown adults to think they can treat people with disrespect, with no consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You younger Boomers and older Gen Xers are in for a very rude awakening. Very soon. Best to look at the landscape and change your immature, selfish behavior now.

-If you hurt someone, you apologize, and change your behavior

-If you have grandchildren, you respect their parents, and go with their flow

-If you continue your selfish, immature, harmful behavior, don’t be surprised when the natural consequences of YOUR choices is distance, silence and ultimately no contact.

The time for you to grow up and take responsibility for your actions is now. Before it is too late.

And don’t think for a second that we will be missing out on anything. There are plenty of healthy relationships that we have with neighbors, colleagues, friends, people in our community that more than make up for the “loss” of your harmful presence in our lives. You will not be missed, or mourned.

Remember you reap what you sow. Your children are watching and know how to treat you as they grow up.

Since I don’t beat them with a belt, wash their mouths with soap, or leave them to walk miles home after kicking them out of the car, and as I always apologize when I’m wrong, I’m not too worried about that.
So you are now starting to provide details or just made this up? It looks like 1960 parenting, not 1980s or 90s parenting. I mean, come on.

You’re cute for trying so hard, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You younger Boomers and older Gen Xers are in for a very rude awakening. Very soon. Best to look at the landscape and change your immature, selfish behavior now.

-If you hurt someone, you apologize, and change your behavior

-If you have grandchildren, you respect their parents, and go with their flow

-If you continue your selfish, immature, harmful behavior, don’t be surprised when the natural consequences of YOUR choices is distance, silence and ultimately no contact.

The time for you to grow up and take responsibility for your actions is now. Before it is too late.

And don’t think for a second that we will be missing out on anything. There are plenty of healthy relationships that we have with neighbors, colleagues, friends, people in our community that more than make up for the “loss” of your harmful presence in our lives. You will not be missed, or mourned.

Remember you reap what you sow. Your children are watching and know how to treat you as they grow up.

Since I don’t beat them with a belt, wash their mouths with soap, or leave them to walk miles home after kicking them out of the car, and as I always apologize when I’m wrong, I’m not too worried about that.
So you are now starting to provide details or just made this up? It looks like 1960 parenting, not 1980s or 90s parenting. I mean, come on.

You’re cute for trying so hard, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You younger Boomers and older Gen Xers are in for a very rude awakening. Very soon. Best to look at the landscape and change your immature, selfish behavior now.

-If you hurt someone, you apologize, and change your behavior

-If you have grandchildren, you respect their parents, and go with their flow

-If you continue your selfish, immature, harmful behavior, don’t be surprised when the natural consequences of YOUR choices is distance, silence and ultimately no contact.

The time for you to grow up and take responsibility for your actions is now. Before it is too late.

And don’t think for a second that we will be missing out on anything. There are plenty of healthy relationships that we have with neighbors, colleagues, friends, people in our community that more than make up for the “loss” of your harmful presence in our lives. You will not be missed, or mourned.

Remember you reap what you sow. Your children are watching and know how to treat you as they grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are never, ever going to get them to see the light. You are wasting huge amounts of your emotional bandwidth trying to get them to change. THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. You need to actually be no contact and not care what they think.

All of this.

Lol, without even knowing any of the issues, here you are with the NO CONTACT torch. This says it all. This is a problem.

You know, I've been wondering why, particularly now, when everything is at stake here and around the world- so much injustice, the loss of democracy, racial and xenophobic crises, misogyny- here you younger females are focusing on yourselves and issues you have with your parents. What happened? Because, ( and I'm sure there are exceptions....yes) for the most part you are not out there protecting, helping immigrants, low income families, immigrants , or even fighting for abortion rights. Do you not see what is happening! You're all still whining about your childhoods. You guys were the prototypes for the child centered family! You got the trophies, the prizes, the catering to. If you were abused, there were laws. In fact, the whole generation was overprotected.
It was your mother's generation that fought for peace, that fought for racial equality, that fought for womens' rights that you are enjoying today.

There's more work to be done, but all I generally see now are only older women still fighting for the stuff we are losing now and for the stuff we still need to have.

OP- your parents weren't abusive. It's clear here by what you are saying and not saying. We ALL do not have time for this whiny nonsense - there is work to be done today. If you can sit down and write a 5 page letter, may I suggest some other worthwhile activities at this time. Before you know it, your parents will be gone, and you will be left with your 5 page diatribe and a country that has gone to $#!t. There's better use of your time.
**And your parents deserve more than this.

**A side note- you better get it together because health care us going down the tubes- lack of H1B visas will halve our medical personnel starting now, immigrants who comprise all elder care will be gone. Insurance will be unobtainable. You can discuss your life long grievances while bathing and toileting your mom, because, yes, it will be you.

Opinion disregarded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are never, ever going to get them to see the light. You are wasting huge amounts of your emotional bandwidth trying to get them to change. THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. You need to actually be no contact and not care what they think.

All of this.

Lol, without even knowing any of the issues, here you are with the NO CONTACT torch. This says it all. This is a problem.

You know, I've been wondering why, particularly now, when everything is at stake here and around the world- so much injustice, the loss of democracy, racial and xenophobic crises, misogyny- here you younger females are focusing on yourselves and issues you have with your parents. What happened? Because, ( and I'm sure there are exceptions....yes) for the most part you are not out there protecting, helping immigrants, low income families, immigrants , or even fighting for abortion rights. Do you not see what is happening! You're all still whining about your childhoods. You guys were the prototypes for the child centered family! You got the trophies, the prizes, the catering to. If you were abused, there were laws. In fact, the whole generation was overprotected.
It was your mother's generation that fought for peace, that fought for racial equality, that fought for womens' rights that you are enjoying today.

There's more work to be done, but all I generally see now are only older women still fighting for the stuff we are losing now and for the stuff we still need to have.

OP- your parents weren't abusive. It's clear here by what you are saying and not saying. We ALL do not have time for this whiny nonsense - there is work to be done today. If you can sit down and write a 5 page letter, may I suggest some other worthwhile activities at this time. Before you know it, your parents will be gone, and you will be left with your 5 page diatribe and a country that has gone to $#!t. There's better use of your time.
**And your parents deserve more than this.

**A side note- you better get it together because health care us going down the tubes- lack of H1B visas will halve our medical personnel starting now, immigrants who comprise all elder care will be gone. Insurance will be unobtainable. You can discuss your life long grievances while bathing and toileting your mom, because, yes, it will be you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are never, ever going to get them to see the light. You are wasting huge amounts of your emotional bandwidth trying to get them to change. THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. You need to actually be no contact and not care what they think.

All of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a weird idea of no contact. Stop contacting them if you want to be no contact.

The interactions described was before NC. - OP

But you want to contact them again to explain no contact. Leave them alone. And also they gave you the TL, DR treatment because 5 pages (was it front and back?) might have been too much.

Because I love them, and their time on earth is getting shorter and shorter, and it makes me sad, but yes, you are correct. - OP

It's just not that easy to let go

Unless they molested you, or physically abused you in unspeakable ways, basically something incontestable, they may disagree with you.

If you care for that relationship you can’t keep bringing up your hurt every time you communicate with them. It’s exhausting for them too.

Just because you feel a certain way, doesn’t mean that it’s true. You are essentially at a standstill. They see it in a way which you do not see it in, and vice versa.

‘You made me feel insecure when you corrected my choices.’ could have a reply of ‘you were heading off a bridge at this and that occasion and you were not taking any hints. We had to do what we had to do to stop you. We got worn out from redirecting you kindly and we just had to put a stop at the nonsense. Now we just remember that we put so much effort into you, and you seem ungrateful. You must not love us.’

I’m saying this with a lot of care for you OP, not to attack you, but to give you a different perspective.