Anonymous wrote:Damaged goods and more baggage, but usually high value men can stipulate this divorce free thing

LOL

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’d never date someone with divorced parents. But it’s definitely a strike against them if they do…..or, to put it more positively, it’s a huge +1 in the “pros” category if their parents are still married.

Why? Because I DO think divorce is a bad thing, particularly when there are kids involved, and that a lot of people jump to it much too quickly these days. (I’m not saying it’s never ever the right thing… but I guess I’d also have hesitancies about dating someone who grew up in abusive household / with an alcoholic parent / etc, so…)
IME there is something inherent you gain from having watched your parents survive a long term marriage - go through hard times, but stay committed and stay together, and come through stronger on the other side. Anecdotally, I grew up Catholic and the vaaast majority of my childhood friends’ parents are still married. In my mid-40s now and there’s a serious and very noticeable contrast between the divorce rate in this group of friends (virtually zero) and other friends. I personally feel that there is something to be said for going into a marriage with the attitude that - barring VERY extenuating circumstances - divorce is not an option.

All that said, I’m not saying I would immediately rule somebody out for it. Just that, again, it’d be a strike against them…or a huge plus FOR them if their parents are still together

Anonymous wrote:My dad's parents divorced when he was 13. He and my mom have been happily married for over 40 years. Your parents' relationship failures do not define you.

This is a weird resurrection of a zombie thread.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have heard this before. I don't think it is a rare sentiment.

I dated someone like this once who thought this way, while at the same time, acknowledging that their parents were miserable (but still married)

In my family those who went into marriage confident with each set of parents had never divorced are now, in fact, divorced. Those who came from divored households are happily married by all appearances for 10+ years.

I don't think divorced parents are as much of a red flag as family relationships in general.

I also don't think that this is a rare sentiment. I also don't think that racism, chauvinism, etc. are terribly rare. I would be more concerned with normalizing thus sentiment than normalizing divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

Republican dorks in love!

2 YEAR OLD THREAD

Is OP still married?

Damaged goods and more baggage, but usually high value men can stipulate this divorce free thing

My ex husband said this. We are divorced.

Well if I had to do it over again I would not marry someone with divorced parents. My ex-husbands parents were divorced twice. Mine have been married 60+ years. He did not have a good upbringing. Nor did know how to handle conflict.

My dad's parents divorced when he was 13. He and my mom have been happily married for over 40 years. Your parents' relationship failures do not define you.

This thread does not apply to black people. They’re just screwed, again. Less than 30% marry. Last I checked.

So —- all those black men and women that came from broken homes? Damaged goods. Do not marry. Especially if parent is fat.

I could punch DCUM in the gut right now, but it’s too early.

I totally agree with this.
Married 20 years. Had some rough patches but worked through them & are happier for it.

Anonymous wrote:
That’s because if your parents divorced, you’re less likely to feel like divorce is taboo, but if you come from a culture that really frowns on divorce, then it doesn’t feel like an option no matter how miserable you are. That statistic doesn’t necessarily indicate that the quality of marriages are better among people whose parents have never divorced.

What if you're both? I'm Indian, and my parents had an arranged marriage. They're divorced. Is it still a sign that I'm damaged and unmarriageable, because my mom chose to leave a marriage she was forced into as a teenager, to a man she didn't know? (I already know that the answer to that question from most Indian men is yes, which is why I don't even bother with them anymore).

What if you were forced to marry someone you didn't know, who turned out to be mentally ill, or gay and closeted, or morbidly obese, or (gasp) had divorced parents? Is the answer still "stick it out, or your kid is unmarriageable for life"?

If a man loves a woman, he will find a way to be with her. If he doesn't, he can find a way or an excuse to not be with her.

Rather divorced than forever unhappy and bitter. Life is too short to hate someone like that

^ and so if someone comes from a broken home it’s a red flag.

But of course you should get to know family and family dynamics of a potential marriage partner too. Was the father authoritarian with little respect for women? Was the mom a nagging lazy person that expected man to earn all the $?