Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended where I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

In another post, OP mentioned he lived with his ex for a year and she worked in a nonprofit.This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and probably was feeling her biological clock loud and clear. Yet, she walked away. I think OP’s prenup is really really one sided. It also says a lot about him that he prioritized the prenup over his relationship.

He needs therapy to work on his money issues.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

You want her to give up any chance of getting back into the job market at her current level with no assurances that she’ll be taken care of when you dump her? Wow!

OP here. I said I’m open to a woman who wants to put her career on hold to raise kids and then go back to work once they are school aged.

The prenup will be for my businesses and my assets. Any money that we make after we are married will be considered “our” money and she is entitled to. She is welcome to handle the finances as well. She will have full access to all accounts that is ours and can spends as she pleases.

That is usual in a divorce. I don't think you need a prenup. It would stupid of you to insist on one if you find someone you love when assets you bring into the marriage would be yours anyway in a normal divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Do you realize the wealth you brought into the marriage with you is yours upon a divorce, right? It is the money earned during the marriage that is split in half.

I would have been willing to sign a prenup, possibly, if the terms were fair. But if you are expecting a woman to give up her career to raise your future kids, it better be fair.

I personally would be have okay with your scenario if you earned enough to make it worth giving my my own career. I think you need to explicitly state the familly you envision early in dating or it is going to be hard to find.

I was married for 10 years. Early 40s now. My ex and I were never on the same page about a future. I wanted to take just a few years off from work to raise kids IF there were kids. I was not willing to be a full-time worker and a full-time mom. I have a terrible commute. It was sheer misery. I would have liked someone who would have been willing to support a family. I either wanted a more SAHM life or a full-time career. Not both. People like me are out there, but you are going to have to find a practical person willing to sign a fair pre-up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

No, because he boiled it down to money.

I'm the PP who said I'm what OP is looking for, and my dad owns a real estate company. When I own it value won't be lost. So I guess it depends on what sort of "business" we're talking about, but since OP mentioned multiple businesses I really don't think your thoughts apply here.

No, pp, your husband could give you class b interests in the llc what would mean you own interests in the business but have no voting power. So yes, you could own it but his investors should not care because you would have no power. Your dh has done a good job a at manipulating you in to thinking otherwise, though!

I'm not married. What the f do you think you're talking about?

Wow, you are really rude. Clearly I am responding to the woman who says she is married and that the investors in her DH’s company would not be ok with her owning shares in her husband’s company.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

No, because he boiled it down to money.

I'm the PP who said I'm what OP is looking for, and my dad owns a real estate company. When I own it value won't be lost. So I guess it depends on what sort of "business" we're talking about, but since OP mentioned multiple businesses I really don't think your thoughts apply here.

No, pp, your husband could give you class b interests in the llc what would mean you own interests in the business but have no voting power. So yes, you could own it but his investors should not care because you would have no power. Your dh has done a good job a at manipulating you in to thinking otherwise, though!

I'm not married. What the f do you think you're talking about?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

No, because he boiled it down to money.

I'm the PP who said I'm what OP is looking for, and my dad owns a real estate company. When I own it value won't be lost. So I guess it depends on what sort of "business" we're talking about, but since OP mentioned multiple businesses I really don't think your thoughts apply here.

No, pp, your husband could give you class b interests in the llc what would mean you own interests in the business but have no voting power. So yes, you could own it but his investors should not care because you would have no power. Your dh has done a good job a at manipulating you in to thinking otherwise, though!

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

it seems like most of the responses here are from the typical DCUM demographics and that is not what you are looking for. The women who want to be SAHM are most likely not on a forum like DCUM. but there are plenty of such women out there. I was in a similar situation as you, just 3-4 years younger. I found the right person, who was well educated, masters degree, spoke 5 languages, had a solid career but wanted to be SAHM. We are almost at the 12 yr mark. Two happy kids. Now my wife does work a few hours a week - doing some basic administrative work for our businesses but is by no means driven by career etc. She does bulk of the household chores (90-95%) although when it comes to kids stuff I think I am putting in 30-50% depending on the week. Especially things like homework, afterschool activities, going to park playing etc. I love to do that and its time my wife takes a break.

You need to do this: be very upfront with what you are looking for when you date. Not necessarily first date conversation but definitely bring it up very early in relationship. If you are dating online, include information about what you are looking for in your profile. don't be afraid to put it out there, it will weed out the ones who are not compatible with your point of view but it will likely attract others who are looking for something similar. It might help to work with professional matchmakers who work one-on-one with prospects. The individual matchmakers can have the difficult conversations that you will be uncomfortable with. That will help to bypass the women who have different expectations than yours.

Finally, have a reasonable prenup. Not what you think its reasonable for you but what is reasonable for someone who is going to give up a lot and be dependent on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

you want a woman to give up her earning potential and sign a prenup giving up yours? You will not find one.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended where I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

In another post, OP mentioned he lived with his ex for a year and she worked in a nonprofit.This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and probably was feeling her biological clock loud and clear. Yet, she walked away. I think OP’s prenup is really really one sided. It also says a lot about him that he prioritized the prenup over his relationship.

He needs therapy to work on his money issues.

Also, OP, I get that your ideal is what your dad did (work a lot when the kids are little and then have more free time later) but consider that that’s probably what he HAD to do and not a intentional lifestyle choice. My H works a lot right now in the hopes of being able to semi-retire in 5 years or so, but if he could scale back now without a big hit he totally would. Our oldest is in second grade, our youngest is due in January, and these are all ages where they need and adore time with their parents. Older kids are a lot less work and a lot more fun to hang out with, but I promise you your imaginary SAHW is going to resent you choosing to work a million hours when she’d love you to run around in the yard with the toddlers after dinner so she can put her feet up for a second, then swooping in time do the fun stuff years later when she actually has the energy for it.

I get what you’re going for here, but at 37, you’re getting a little long in the tooth for it. Think about it. If you meet your ideal woman tomorrow - and she’d be quite a bit younger than you, so she’d have to be into a likely 5-7+ year age gap - you should date for a year before becoming engaged, and be engaged for about a year planning your wedding and moving in together and working out those logistics. If you got pregnant on your honeymoon, you’d be looking at being an almost 40 year old first time dad with a wife in her early 30s. And it’s almost assuredly not going to go that smoothly.

I think you should temper your expectations somewhat. What you want is a lot more difficult at this point in time vs. if you had settled down in your late 20s/early 30s. Women close to your age or even in their early 30s will be settled into decent careers that they’d be reluctant to give up; younger women would want someone closer to their own age or would have married much younger to their college sweetheart. I think it can be done because there are a lot of single women in their early 30s, but finding one who’s willing to become a SAHM will be trickier.

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

It had to be stringent enough for his girlfriend to dump him.

By his own admission, OP loved her, thought she was the one, everything was great. He wanted to marry her. When he brought up the details of his prenup she left. This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and had lived with OP for a year and yet she walked away. That should tell you everything you need to know about how “reasonable” OP’s prenup is.

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

No, because he boiled it down to money.

I'm the PP who said I'm what OP is looking for, and my dad owns a real estate company. When I own it value won't be lost. So I guess it depends on what sort of "business" we're talking about, but since OP mentioned multiple businesses I really don't think your thoughts apply here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your best option is to go back your exgirlfriend. As you can see the idea of being a SAHM with a prenup would make most women uneasy for good reason.

You said you loved her and you thought she was the one. You even lived together for a year. The only issue was the prenup. Why not buy a ring, tell her you love her. Ask her to marry you. This is what you should have done from the beginning.

(BTW you say you want the type of relationship your parents had. Did they have a prenup? Probably not. It changes the dynamic completely.)

Whoa, I missed this. So OP loved her but dumped her because she wouldn't sign a prenup?

OP's got some major issues. He doesn't need a SAHM, he needs therapy.

I missed this too. WtF OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question - why have kids if you don't really want anything to do with them?

If you want to be hands-off and continue working 80 hour weeks, just stay a bachelor and become an awesome uncle.

It's not okay to bring children into this world if you're not totally invested in it. And I don't mean financially - children would rather have an involved parent than college tuition or a car.

OP here. I want kids and will be involved. I’m not much of a baby person, and I don’t think many men are. I want to work as much as I can and have my family set for life so when they get schools aged, I’m able to be more invested in their life.

What if your wife dies or becomes seriously ill during the early years? Are you just going to hand the kids over to nannies then because you don't like babies?

It’s a hard knock life. What if Yellowstone erupts and we all die within seconds? What if Trump wins and we never have a free and fair election again because he wants to extend presidential terms a la Vlad?