Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:33
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
OP I am a child of multiple divorces spurned by infidelity. Please get a therapist and get over your ex. Growing up stewed in parental resentment was hell.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:26
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not unhinged. Why is the betrayed spouse always unhinged or crazy?
Your ex husband betrayed you, OP. This other woman made no promises or vows to you.
What good person does this?? Gross.
People of character don’t go out with people who are already in committed relationships. Of course, people of character don’t go out with other people when they are already in committed relationships.
+1,000. Especially people with children.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:25
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OP, your daughter is a teen and won't want to spend her weekends with a traitorous father and and his moral-free mistress.
Sign her up for a bunch of weekend activities. ALso, since he is the typical male, he won't really want to take up his weekends with his kid.
My bet is 1 year from now, visits with dad and the vapid woman will be few and far between.
No. How childish.
New poster here who is divorced with older kids who did well. This advice is SPOT ON. Her daughter needs to be kept busy with friends and role models and activities and support so she can feel normal and be shielded from broken-hearted/fragile moms, cheating dads, and mistresses.
I have no idea how the father will react, but this is very good advice.
No it is not good advice it is using your child as a pawn to get back at your ex You can dress it up and call it a million different things , but when it comes down to it, it's an attempt to alienate the child from her father because you ( rightfully) have hurt feelings.
It is very good advice. The child needs to be kept busy to feel normal and maintain social contacts and stay as far away from grieving mothers and cheating fathers.
And I'm not the person who originally gave her this advice. I'm a divorced mother who is 100 percent against parental alienation. (And by the way, this isn't parental alienation at all. Please do not throw around that term unless you know what it means legally. You sound like an idiot.)
Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:03
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??
OK. OP, did you say that about her infertility being karma? I assumed, because it was very close to something else you had said earlier about her needing to “steal” your kids. But if it wasn’t you, please tell.
I'm op I said it. If she could steal a husband my child isn't that far of a stretch. I called her earlier to talk she hung up on me. I'm not going to get too much about it. Maybe she will get a dog.
There you have it. OP is a person who thinks infertility is karma.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:02
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:I know it hurts. Twenty years ago, my husband chose the OP over me. She got my alcoholic husband. He got an instant family and a new start. And I got full custody of two preschoolers and one elementary school kid who was very traumatized. It was very very hard. And one day, before our divorce was even final, he was supposed to come over to visit the kids and never showed up. It was almost ten years before they saw their father again .. and another ten years before they saw him a second time. Child support disappeared and I worked multiple jobs to keep us above water. There was no drama with him or her. No fighting over the kids. But no breaks either. And no father for my kids. They’re all young adults now. They’re good, decent people - but they’ve never gotten over it. They all struggle with romantic relationships and I never remarried - just too busy working and raising kids. I would have done anything for my ex to have shown up at the kids’ sports games and school meetings - or even just for him to show up in the hospital when one was in an accident and was in a coma. Instead, he told me to call him if she died so he could make plans to attend the funeral. Lady, I don’t know you, but don’t turn away love from your kids’ lives. That woman will never be your child’s mother. Your daughter will always remember the school meetings you’ve gone to, the games, the chicken soup when she was sick, the holiday presents she had hoped for.... The OP can’t compete with that. But what she can do is make life so miserable that your ex chooses her over your kid and, even though you think that would be revenge against him, the person it would really hurt is your daughter. Don’t do this to her. Fake it till you can make it but don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you suffer. You won. The OP got a cheater.
I'm the PP. Your post and honestly made me cry. Thank you for sharing. You have written one of the only kind and honest posts on this thread. I know your kids appreciate you. I had a slightly easier road thanks to my family who supported me above and beyond. But I struggled too.
Nothing should be done in anger. Everything should be done to support your child, OP. You must move forward with a lot of courage now for your kids. It sucks and it's hard. Harder than any cheating mistress will ever understand. But if you can focus your energy (and anger) on moving forward, you and your daughter will be okay.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:01
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OP, your daughter is a teen and won't want to spend her weekends with a traitorous father and and his moral-free mistress.
Sign her up for a bunch of weekend activities. ALso, since he is the typical male, he won't really want to take up his weekends with his kid.
My bet is 1 year from now, visits with dad and the vapid woman will be few and far between.
No. How childish.
New poster here who is divorced with older kids who did well. This advice is SPOT ON. Her daughter needs to be kept busy with friends and role models and activities and support so she can feel normal and be shielded from broken-hearted/fragile moms, cheating dads, and mistresses.
I have no idea how the father will react, but this is very good advice.
No it is not good advice it is using your child as a pawn to get back at your ex You can dress it up and call it a million different things , but when it comes down to it, it's an attempt to alienate the child from her father because you ( rightfully) have hurt feelings.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 00:58
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OP, your daughter is a teen and won't want to spend her weekends with a traitorous father and and his moral-free mistress.
Sign her up for a bunch of weekend activities. ALso, since he is the typical male, he won't really want to take up his weekends with his kid.
My bet is 1 year from now, visits with dad and the vapid woman will be few and far between.
No. How childish.
New poster here who is divorced with older kids who did well. This advice is SPOT ON. Her daughter needs to be kept busy with friends and role models and activities and support so she can feel normal and be shielded from broken-hearted/fragile moms, cheating dads, and mistresses.
I have no idea how the father will react, but this is very good advice.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 00:54
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Hi OP. I get it. No, it's not great that your daughter will end up exposed to this. At 13, she's just barely too young to have a real say in court about who she wants to live with.
All I can say is that PP said it best. Keep her busy - not to do anything but give her the best chance at a good, normal life with her friends and adult role models like coaches. She will probably gravitate towards sleepovers with friends. It's okay. Be steady and support her.
The experts all say the same: kids know who cares about them, kids know all about "other women" and parents who trash their families. I know nothing about your marriage, but I do know that if you support your child and focus on her (and on moving on yourself), your child will do well.
You can't control your ex or his mistress/whatever. Please work on detaching and get tons of therapy so you can be your strongest going forward, for yourself and your daughter. Don't worry about karma. Most girls don't have good relationships with cheating dads. It's very sad, but there's nothing you can do.
All I can say is that PP said it best. Keep her busy - not to do anything but give her the best chance at a good, normal life with her friends and adult role models like coaches. She will probably gravitate towards sleepovers with friends. It's okay. Be steady and support her.
The experts all say the same: kids know who cares about them, kids know all about "other women" and parents who trash their families. I know nothing about your marriage, but I do know that if you support your child and focus on her (and on moving on yourself), your child will do well.
You can't control your ex or his mistress/whatever. Please work on detaching and get tons of therapy so you can be your strongest going forward, for yourself and your daughter. Don't worry about karma. Most girls don't have good relationships with cheating dads. It's very sad, but there's nothing you can do.
Anonymous
06/30/2020 23:51
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??
OK. OP, did you say that about her infertility being karma? I assumed, because it was very close to something else you had said earlier about her needing to “steal” your kids. But if it wasn’t you, please tell.
I'm op I said it. If she could steal a husband my child isn't that far of a stretch. I called her earlier to talk she hung up on me. I'm not going to get too much about it. Maybe she will get a dog.
Anonymous
06/30/2020 23:40
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team ex-husband. My guess is he knew she would be a nightmare in a divorce and tried to put on a show until the kid was older.
Team cheater? Team liar?
DP. One question: were you this terrible a human being when you were married? Or did you suddenly turn self-centered and cruel?
Between your lack of care for your child’s emotional health and your cruelty about the OW’s infertility... you should be ashamed of yourself. He behaved badly but that’s no excuse for your awful behavior.
Awwww! You must be an OW. He wuvs you ver very much
Anonymous
06/30/2020 23:38
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not unhinged. Why is the betrayed spouse always unhinged or crazy?
Your ex husband betrayed you, OP. This other woman made no promises or vows to you.
What good person does this?? Gross.
People of character don’t go out with people who are already in committed relationships. Of course, people of character don’t go out with other people when they are already in committed relationships.
Anonymous
06/30/2020 23:35
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not unhinged. Why is the betrayed spouse always unhinged or crazy?
Your ex husband betrayed you, OP. This other woman made no promises or vows to you.
What good person does this?? Gross.
Anonymous
06/30/2020 23:22
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??
NP here, The infertility comment has been made more than once in this thread, and given that OP comes across as desperate, and has not said anything about someone pretending to her making that offensive comment it's not such a leap to believe the comment is in fact from OP..
Anonymous
06/30/2020 22:57
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:
OP, your daughter is a teen and won't want to spend her weekends with a traitorous father and and his moral-free mistress.
Sign her up for a bunch of weekend activities. ALso, since he is the typical male, he won't really want to take up his weekends with his kid.
My bet is 1 year from now, visits with dad and the vapid woman will be few and far between.
No. How childish.
Anonymous
06/30/2020 22:41
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??
OK. OP, did you say that about her infertility being karma? I assumed, because it was very close to something else you had said earlier about her needing to “steal” your kids. But if it wasn’t you, please tell.