Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 22:39     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being called ugly does not necessarily mean you are ugly. It means someone out there feels shitty and wants you to feel shitty too. It's a power move.



Yup. Hurting people hurt others


I wish I had known this when I was younger.

Due to winning a prize, I had to have my photo taken. I had a health issue that caused a blemish on my face. For this, the photographer referred to me as ugly.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 19:20     Subject: Re:Have you ever been called ugly?
Yeah, like all through middle school. Yeah, it really f#$@s with your head.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2020 18:32     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:I was called ugly once in my teens/college by other girls and it's made me so insecure. Everyone else has called me pretty but I'm still shook up about two women I knew as a teenager. Wtf.


No, but I was called fat once by a random guy while on a city bus in Rome. I was 19 at the time, and it really messed with my head.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2020 10:13     Subject: Re:Have you ever been called ugly?
Both of my parents called me ugly since I could remember.

It destroyed my self-esteem during childhood & especially during adolescence.
I felt so awkward + insecure.

But I began blossoming after H.S.
In my opinion once you are at the bottom of the barrel looks-wise, there is only 1 way to go from there which is up!
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2020 08:56     Subject: Re:Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think what’s so hard as a woman about being called ugly is that someone is trying to take your power from you when they say that- snivelly teenage boys, narcissistic parents, fratty dudes. Ugh.



It's the original negging. I am no Angelina Jolie but... I've gotten 99% approval on looks from a young age. I've never felt "gorgeous" but my self esteem is intact and I know on some base level I'm not "ugly." And that's a privilege that I recognize. However, yes, there is always some guy who knows this is a sensitive thing for women and may throw that out. I remember this a lot in middle school and when men have dealt with rejection. It is a blatant attempt to take your power and make you feel insecure. I roundly ignored this it was so transparent.

I don't know how to deal with the parent thing. My parents were of the, "oh, your daughter is so pretty!" Them, "that may be, but more importantly she is smart and she is kind!" kind of variety.


I worry about this. My daughter is constantly told how pretty and beautiful she is. Random strangers will come up to us to comment on her beauty and I'm constantly having to tell her it's the inside that counts-what matters most is that she's is kind, generous, intelligent, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2020 04:12     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My brother would call me fat.

And I knew I was the ugly one in the family, because everyone always commented on my sister's beautiful blue eyes (in an ethnic family, where "whiteness" is praised even though people don't like to admit it).

So while no one every outright called me "ugly" there are many other ways it can be told to a person.


Unfortunately this is very true. People tend to over appreciate beauty and go silent if you’re not. When my son was about 14 he said, mom I know I’m ugly. I said no you’re not and why would you think that? He said cause when I’m with you people will comment on how beautiful you are and then look at me and just walk away. Geez it broke my heart. I said well I’ll start going out without makeup from now on!


Nice humblebrag.


That was your response to him?! I’m sure he felt so much better. WTH.


Lol well there was no way that a narcissistic person wasn't going to find this thread.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2020 04:08     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My brother would call me fat.

And I knew I was the ugly one in the family, because everyone always commented on my sister's beautiful blue eyes (in an ethnic family, where "whiteness" is praised even though people don't like to admit it).

So while no one every outright called me "ugly" there are many other ways it can be told to a person.


Unfortunately this is very true. People tend to over appreciate beauty and go silent if you’re not. When my son was about 14 he said, mom I know I’m ugly. I said no you’re not and why would you think that? He said cause when I’m with you people will comment on how beautiful you are and then look at me and just walk away. Geez it broke my heart. I said well I’ll start going out without makeup from now on!


Nice humblebrag.


That was your response to him?! I’m sure he felt so much better. WTH.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2020 03:30     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:Being called ugly does not necessarily mean you are ugly. It means someone out there feels shitty and wants you to feel shitty too. It's a power move.


That!
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2020 14:46     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:Being called ugly does not necessarily mean you are ugly. It means someone out there feels shitty and wants you to feel shitty too. It's a power move.



Yup. Hurting people hurt others
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2020 10:57     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot but the worst was when I told my 7th grade class that I wanted to be a flight attendant and the teacher (a guy) said “you know you gotta be pretty to be a flight attendant right?” And I just kinda nodded and then the girl behind me said “you know you’re not pretty right?”

It sucked but, looking back at it I wasn’t pretty! It was an awkward seventh grade phase. I think I’m a lot “prettier” now but I also am much more concerned with being an authentic person and accepting who I am no matter how I look. I’d rather be that than pretty.


(Forgot to mention that the girl added “you’re ugly.”

That's awful! So few of us were "pretty" in middle school. I had a missing adult tooth because I couldn't get braces until I was 14 (I had a jaw issue) and frizzy hair.


That’s really awful PP sorry you still have to carry that memory
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2020 18:42     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Being called ugly does not necessarily mean you are ugly. It means someone out there feels shitty and wants you to feel shitty too. It's a power move.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2020 16:55     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Poor Eric, I wonder if he is reading this thread.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2020 16:54     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
Years ago, I was shopping with my dad and ran into my then BF, his mother, and his aunt. His mom and my dad had not met each other yet. My dad is 6' and is annoyingly handsome. We all said hello, chit-chatted, then started to walk away. Then I heard my X BF's mom ask her sister "her dad is tall and handsome, why did she turn out like that?" and they walked away laughing. Ouch. Still hurts. I am almost her age now and can't imagine how and why I would do that to an 18 YO girl!
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2020 15:40     Subject: Have you ever been called ugly?
I feel like so few people are truly ugly. Unflattering hair/makeup or clothes, maybe, or maybe grossly overweight, but most people are at least average looking.
Anonymous
Post 05/05/2020 12:36     Subject: Re:Have you ever been called ugly?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, by my mother, fat and ugly. It took me years to see that my mom was a narcissist. To be honest, I was overweight and not attractive from late elementary school through high school. I was definitely a late bloomer. However, I don't think my mom ever saw me as pretty, even on my wedding day. I think she felt as though I somehow made her look bad. She would often separate herself from me saying that she was never overweight, was always pretty, that I was bigger than she was (I was probably 11 or 12) when she got married, that I would never get married, no one would want me, etc. I think it made her feel good to hurt me in front of other people.


Christ almighty, what a horrible line of commentary! So sorry, PP - hope you have had lots of therapy to overcome the pain heaped on you by your narcissistic mother.